LBC

Intolerance (10 March 2009)

I have been practicing I WILL SURVIVE. I've re-written the words so that when I stand up on MARCH 26th in CROYDON to celebrate being sixty and old I will be slick and well oiled. I am having to write...

Ducking the trend. (28 January 2009)

St, James Parked under a heavy sky. Smoke was billowing out of a Buck house chimney - had the Pope died? I walked round the lake and saw with my own eyes families of ducks dipping for supper. There was...

Number 11 and still counting (22 January 2009)

Getting from here to Leicester Square is turning into a delightful game. The puzzle of London where all roads seem to lead to and from home. All buses get me near to the Square and all tubes are mere moments...

A day at the Office. (21 January 2009)

Th Italian caff on the corner of Leicester Square is like being on the continent. The waitresses are ever so slightly surly, the waitors musically inclined, the paying customers mostly foreign and the big portions of food are served up...

2nd broadcast of 2009. ( 6 January 2009)

So I pulled my angel car4d and it said FUN. Have fun Make fun Be fun-ny So I decided that wahtever BR threw at me today I would be kind and generous and have the above mentioned. Icarried little with,...

2nd broadcast of 2009. ( 6 January 2009)

So I pulled my angel card this morning and it said FUN. Have fun Make fun Be fun-ny So I decided that whatever BR threw at me today I would be kind and generous and all of the above mentioned....

first 2009 broadcast. ( 5 January 2009)

I did not want to go back to work. Nothing against LBC but my cold meant I was snuffly, headachy and ever so slightly deaf in my left ear I didn't sleep last night. At 4.00 I was eating a...

Cold Comfort (15 December 2008)

The cold air is winding its way around my calves. I've put the washing on, Jim's jacket smells of bonfires and has grass stains all over it. I found one sock still stuck in my boot. How annoying is that?...

The Knightsbridge Route (11 December 2008)

I walked to Knightsbridge. Very fast. My orange and black scarf tied tightly and all I needed in the pocket of my feau fur jacket. I walked over Battersea Bridge, the sharp morning light clear and silver, down Beaufort Street...

Party, party, party (10 December 2008)

I watched the video today of me on the first ever broadcast from Leicester Square. I'm not being funny but when I saw it I nearly threw in the towel. Now that I have a face for radio I think...

Tuesday Breaking News Day ( 9 December 2008)

Dear Hymie, Marmite and all the rest of you well wishers, I took your good will with me to Leicester Square. The 170 bus arrived late so I started off the day with a freezing cold nose. The tube to...

Last Day in Latimer ( 8 December 2008)

Eddie Izzard started his show with very loud music and lights trained on to the audience. It was very exciting. He started at 8.15, took a small break, then continued until 10.45, or maybe even later. I cant remember one...

Thursday came and went. (27 November 2008)

Yesterday exhausted me. One day off and I get all rusty. I managed a 30 minute run this morning. Up to the Buddah and back. The trees shedding the last of their leaves. I nearly caught a big crispy sycamore...

Adoptagran (24 November 2008)

Today we discussed how to look after elderly parents. It always makes me wonder what I did with any money I had if, at this stage of my life, I can't put my mother up in a 5 star hotel...

Houseshirk (18 November 2008)

I know it's shameful five days since blogging BUT. Well excuses are just that arn't they an exemption from a task and then seeking pardon for the said exemption. I hope you will pardon me I am exhausted and I've...

Opening my Heartburn (29 October 2008)

i finally got my earphones from the travelling agent but I cant use them until I go back to the country, which I will do on Friday and then you won't see me for dust. The snow has melted, the...

Bedtime Stories (14 October 2008)

I went to my acupuncturst. Chatted for a bit and then I lay down on her couch. The room is tiny. One little white sink on the wall, a mirror hanging over it. A trolley with needles and assorted acupunctual...

Random Acts of Kindness Again (10 October 2008)

I do not like doing the credit crunch, the economy, the wall street crash, or the city shuffle. I so believe in you reap what you sow that all those predatory speculators deserve evything they get. The problem is innocent...

the dating game ( 1 September 2008)

From vaccinations to hoodies, from summer houses, to dating. It is possible to feel the audience, in the theatre they are one animal. You can hear actors saying they were good tonight, or what a tight lipped crowd THEY were....

In harms way (29 August 2008)

There are moments in life that stay with you forever. The first embrace under dripping beech trees in Wales 32 years ago when the old-git looked like Paul Newman and I looked like Natalie Wood. Th moment the child looked...

Fanny Haddock (27 August 2008)

There are times when you don't know quite how discomposed you are. This morning I arrived at LBC all a bit queasy and overheated. We'd been to the IVY to celebrate a friends birthday. Jim had forgotten his wallet, I...

The Duke of Hazzard ( 6 August 2008)

One minute I'm talking about Prince Phillip and his prostate gland, the next Buckingham Palace have taken out a complaint against the Evening Standard. I must say though, that it did feel just a little bit personal talking about the...

Brooms and stuff. ( 4 August 2008)

Dear all, I love that many of you want me back on UKTV food, but here's the thing: When GFL came off, last April, I mourned and moaned, wept and wished. However, the powers that be decided that having a...

From Camelot to Cornwall. (30 July 2008)

Today Sanjeev Bhaska talked about his role in SPAMALOT. I went last night with BB to see the show. I always thought the Palace theatre was huge. Actually it's quite small and sweet with wonderful ceilings. There were two hysterical...

Do the Locomotion (28 July 2008)

The rain has lifted the humidity. I have enjoyed the heat though. I travelled through London with the roof down on my car, the 30 degree sun pounding down. I played Stevie Wonder very loudly on my car stereo and...

Chewsday (18 June 2008)

Why Oh Why do I do it to myself? It's too late for anything really BUT... I've just watched a documentary about The Berlin Philharmonic. The individual working within the group. The sense of excitment and terror at performance, the...

THE CHALK GARDEN (12 June 2008)

By the time I got home last night my feet were humming, my back singing and my brain all of a concert. I fell into bed, cut out the noise of the old git, the daughter, her friend and the...

Walk on the West Side. (10 June 2008)

The weather was 25 degrees. The little red car had its roof down, made for a comfortable drive to LBC. The show went so quickly. A really swift 3 hours. Straight to the acupuncturist. After which I made a decision....

North, South, Eats and West. ( 5 June 2008)

Dear June, Is my 'oosbind in mint condition? What do you think? He was six years older than me 32 years ago which makes him nearly 92%older than the number you first thought of. It's 00.04. Four minutes past the...

A Band On Men T! ( 3 June 2008)

The rain is here, its not big globules more a continual light spray of wet droplets. The flat is vey quiet, but not for long... B and the beau have just arrived. Jim the oosbind has left for the cottage....

I can see clearly now the smudge has gone ( 2 June 2008)

I have finally broken my hikers block. At 7.00 this morning, after a hugely naughty night of champagne, roast chicken and conversation, I hauled myself out of bed, looked at my fallen arches, fallen jowls and concluded I was just...

Wet Wet Wet (29 May 2008)

The air conditioning has broken in the studio that I share with James O'Brien. SO We are all HOT SEATING in the big studio now. That means everything has to be picked up swftly before the next occupant takes their...

TAKE THAT.... (21 May 2008)

I knew it was going to be tough getting over Jackson, but I didn't expect melt down. Jim and I went back to the cottage last weekend.. It was difficult. The rain turned it into a cliche....

A pod in Lakeside (15 May 2008)

We traversed embarassing moments and God today. Quite literally from the sublime to the ridiculous. You picked up my mood, how thats possible over the air waves is beyond me, but you did. One week since we put Jackson down,...

Crying for England. (14 May 2008)

Dear, dear bloggers, thank you so much for your Jackson comments, your advice to cry has been noted. I am booing at any given opportunity so thanks for that. 23.03. Steve will be in bed, and publish this tomorrow. I...

Jen-eration Street (12 May 2008)

Thank you all for your Jackson messages. I'm over it, and not over it. I'm unaffected and affected. I'm completely cool and then I'm like a wet woolley dripping all over the balcony...

23 degrees ( 6 May 2008)

Instead of of a run in the sun I took a walk on the wild side. Driving to Camberwell and dropping off an extension lead for my errant daughter who has to present her final work by the end of...

Ruminations after perambulations ( 4 May 2008)

The Thames was very low this morning. By 7.30 the smell of the river was earthy and warm. One goose decided to greet me at the steps of St., Mary's, two cyclists, one lone jogger, with a bandage on his...

Nun of your bizness (29 April 2008)

The Northern man who shares my bed started coughing at 3.30 a.m.. 'Orrible it was. Whilst he expectorated I turned to BELLERUTH NAPERSTEK. No she wasn't sharing our bed, I have a series of her cassette tapes. How to sleep,...

Running to time (28 April 2008)

On my run this morning I passed a slight man. Grey hair, blue shirt, red sweater slung over his shoulders, well heeled, obviously foreign. I ran for two minutes, really fast, then stopped for two minutes to recover. He walked...

Happy Go Lucky (24 April 2008)

'Do I have to book a ticket for the 8.45 'Happy-Go-Lucky' performance tonight? I asked the box offfice manager at the Chelsea Cinema. 'We've got 679 tickets available.' she said humourlessly. 'So that'll be a no then?' I said. 'Yes'...

A Balmy Evening (22 April 2008)

The Passover passed over. I bought so much food we had enough to feed the twelve tribes of Israel. Friday night I went to a birthday party. Lots of women wearing elegant black dresses and me in a two piece...

Breaking The Mould (16 April 2008)

I've been derrier over decolletage today. I now know what breaking the mould means. This morning, after taking my gum shield off the plaster cast of my teeth, so that I could bleach them gently with my dentist's approval, I...

The Oddfather.... (14 April 2008)

I needed to fit so much in so I started at 5.30 a.m. Firstly I listened to my visualisation tape about diabetes. Knock it on the head John is what I say. 6.00 a.m. Then I listened to the affirmations...

A New Hair Day (10 April 2008)

The chicken is cooking, the roomies are watching golf - yes I did say golf - the vegetables are waiting to be tossed in butter and its awfully late. 21.07, although the radio controlled clock in the sitting room is...

Talk like a man.... ( 9 April 2008)

Every day poses a new set of challenges. I had THE JERSEY BOYS in today. 4 multi talented actor/musicians who are performing as Franky Valli and the Four Seasons in the above. It was my first time; me + four...radio...

Boiler in the bag ( 7 April 2008)

I have white, knitted woollen slippers on. I have thick winceyette pyjama trousers on with HONEY DEW and BLUEBELL written all over them. I have a white vest, with lace round the edges on. I have my fathers khaki v-neck...

Gremlin City ( 3 April 2008)

So there I was running in the sunshine having a think and chewing on my bee pollen when the Wandsworth Council gardener made me laugh so much I nearly tripped over his hose. I ran back through Battersea Square just...

Give us a choice (27 March 2008)

TO WHOM IT MAYCONCERN: I did not have any pudding at the Ivy! Today the programme was really grown up. We discussed the MMR jab and a doctor called in who was so rude, calling anything that wasn't scientific 'witchcraft'....

Acupuncture 4 me (17 March 2008)

My eye lids feel like saucepan lids. My legs feel like lead. Mr brain feels like blancmange. I had more needles in me than a porcupine. I am now ready for bed. Ooee! but I do so like your comments,...

A slice of Humility (13 March 2008)

The flat is quiet. Di is performing tonight and Dan has gone with her. Jim is rehearsing and BB is teaching bass in Shoreditch. I have just come in from taking Jackson out in the rain for a spot of...

Budget (12 March 2008)

If you want to know how much I know about budgeting - look at my bank statement. Imagine my terror when I was told we were going to be doing the budget for the whole of the programme. As it...

Come lie with me (11 March 2008)

Liar Liar Pants on fire... And were my cheeks red? We discussed lying with a pyschologist from Manchester, a Mr. Beattie. A lie is a deliberate attempt at deception, we discussed body language, that mens lies are self serving and...

Hey Ho The Wind and the Rain (10 March 2008)

The weather. The wind and the rain, the sleet and the rain, the clouds and the rain. Nobody felt the need to call in and have a hefty chin-wag, because of the weather, Steve and I agreed most people stayed...

Life and Death ( 6 March 2008)

Yesterday I went to a funeral in Hendon. North London. I climbed aboard the tube in Clapham South, went through East London and ended up in Mill Hill East. The whole of London passed through my carriage, terrific. I arrived...

Penalty ( 4 March 2008)

I don't play football so I don't know the penalty rule. I do drive, however, and for parking outside my pals house in Ladbroke Square I was penalised for parking without a ticket. The ticket, that cost me 3.00 was...

Oven ready mayhem ( 3 March 2008)

I'm eating spinach, watercress and rocket salad with home made chopped liver. I always make it the same way. Onion and garlic - lots of it -sweated in olive oil, loads of chicken livers cooked on high until the blood...

The Earth Moved (27 February 2008)

The epicentre of the Earthquake was in Lincoln, BUT, loads of Londoners felt monsters under their bed, orgres in their wardrobes and, way over in Muswell Hill, saw their plates rattle on the shelves. 5.2 on the Righter scale and...

Paddington Stare (26 February 2008)

This morning I did my Tibetan Five. A series of RITES that are done in the Himalayas by people who live very long lives. 5 simple exercises done 21 times, every day, which are meant to keep you limber and...

8 weeks in (25 February 2008)

Cocaine, Lavatories, shoes and cuddling, were our four topics today. I am learning slowly, but surely. LBC's listeners have an opinion on everything. They test me. I'm having to use parts of my brain that I didn't even know existed....

Cold Comfort Flat (18 February 2008)

This weekend Jim and I watched 'CONTROL' and 'THIS IS ENGLAND' in front of a log fire. Two extremely eloquent British films. I fell into bed with monochrome mic stands and technicoloured skin- heads running through my head. When I...

Hearts and Minds. ( 7 February 2008)

I nearly got the programme all right. I'm absorbing the tweekings, they are being exceedingly patient with me. Anyway when I got back to the flat, having listened to Donald Fagin on my car stereo, very loud, very latin, I...

Heady stuff ( 6 February 2008)

The sun shone in through my bedroom window, it was so bright that you could have been forgiven for thinking it was March. I meditated, faced East,and felt the weight of too many sweets courtesy of Steve Allen. I finally...

Ms Takes. ( 5 February 2008)

To Whom It May Concern. Today I got so many junctions wrong I feel sick. Today I managed to undo all the good work I've done over the last 9 months. This morning I met the sales team. They were...

Chinese Bedroom antics (31 January 2008)

I've just eaten a meal whilst sitting in a Chinese bed, in a Thai restaurant, with a South African traveller in Battersea. The bed is six foot by six foot. Wooden frame. Low table in the middle of us. Lots...

No handsfree I'm not a goldfish (30 January 2008)

When I got into LBC this morning the office was completely empty. Obviously I thought the whole work force had been invited to a junket and I was being ostracised for missing my 'news' cue yesterday. I opened up my...

I'm walking backwards from Scotland (29 January 2008)

Well, where do I start? I think I'll go backwards. I've just called Jim and asked him to make me a file for my funny speeches, I then telephoned a woman from 'Funny Women', who I think is going to...

No rest for the wicked (21 January 2008)

I did not get to sleep until 6.am. this morning. The reasons were many and various. On todays show my top story was less than well received - I discussed January 21st being the most depressing day of the year...

Burns unit (20 January 2008)

Imagine a big bowl of cold roasted vegetables, with just a hint of lemon and lime. Imagine cold chicken, succulent and juicy. Imagine not having to do the washing up all courtesy of your little roomies. The perfect apres show...

Breaking news (17 January 2008)

Today I had the steepest learning curve since sitting on stage and playing a Debussy piano piece whilst my brain cells turned to hummus. A Boeing 777 crash landed at Heathrow airport. Nobody was hurt. 8 people had minor injuries,...

Rats and Calls (16 January 2008)

I'm meant ot be going to TENDER's charity do tonight in Soho. I say I'm meant to be going but I do what I always do, put on my pj's and then oscillate between conscience and armchair. I've no excuse...

Soggy Tuesday (15 January 2008)

'Caught some of Monday's broadcast, the bit about make up. About a year ago I watched a TV programme about troops liberating concentration camps after WW2 and one of the female survivors said that one of the officers managed to...

dy1wk 2 (14 January 2008)

I had the same sort of heebie jeebies that I had last week, only this week I got in an hour later. According to received wisdom, getting in too soon can make for a stale performance. It's like over rehearsing...

Fourth day (10 January 2008)

I had a different kind of nerves to day. I was convinced it would all go belly up. But it was just a morbid fantasy. We talked sex on the internet, Hilary Clinton's crying, dinner parties and neighbours from hell....

3 times a DJ ( 9 January 2008)

I've got a bowl of steaming broccoli and hummus. The inside of my head is calming down. B and N are dropping for two minutes, she did her holiday university work and lost in on the computer - yuk I...

lunchtime slot ( 9 January 2008)

For those of you who want to listen LBC is on 97.3. I'm on air from 1-4. and for the short term on Sunday's 3-5. Go to lbc.co.uk and click on the massive button that says listen live, if you're...

Up The Junction ( 8 January 2008)

In the theatre day two is considered a disaster. The opening performance is full of adrenylin, first night nerves and enthuisiasm. The second night is anti-climactic, difficult and not a little confusing. I, of course, mentioned this to the old...

Numero Uno ( 7 January 2008)

I arrived at LBC by 10.30'sh, having already had a new battery fitted in my car, done a big GREEN shop for food and tested the garage doors to see if they were working - they were. Apart from the...

Pictures Perfect. ( 9 November 2007)

I spent all day organising my office. I can now see my desk. I took a bus into town, a posse of school boys got on, they made so much noise but they made me laugh. Their conversation went from...

Midnight at the Oasis (19 July 2007)

Firstly, I must tell you, Dave, that I have no comment to make about you know what. Secondly, to my beaux in Brighton, the secret to attracting men seductively in the dance hall is to lounge against the wall, moving...

Michael and Selby (30 June 2007)

No, I can't tell you what the food pilot is called. It's not that it's bad luck. It's just that I'm not allowed to say anything. But thanks for your good wishes. This morning I drove my daughter to Paddington....

Nil by mouth (29 June 2007)

By four o'clock today I had had enough of my own gob. No more yakking, no more voice overs, no more chit-chat. I had been at it from 7.15 a.m. My day started with BB and I driving into Soho....

Mr Brown goes to the palace (27 June 2007)

As we were coming to the end of today's LBC programme, I watched the television screen in front of my nose, and there they were - Mr and Mrs Brown holding hands and being cheered on from people standing on...

Second night nerves (26 June 2007)

Even if you're not a thespian, you must have heard about 'first night nerves', but when you are a seasoned thesp, it becomes apparent that first night nerves are actually a God send. The adrenalin pumps, the brain focuses, the...

A light lunch (25 June 2007)

Something I never do is take an afternoon nap but having to face a brand new challenge has completely knackered me. Thank you for your messages of support - you definitely warm the cockles of my heart. Radio is a...

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