Ad Infinitum
Lewisham Nights ( 5 October 2008)
It's a perfect day for staying in and reading the papers, doing the ironing in front of the radio, watching telly and sleeping in my own bed. The rain is lashing down. It's driving in from the South, on a...
Sweet nothings ( 2 October 2008)
Two sweet potatoes in the oven. One sweet man coming to the flat with my new dungarees and red dress. One sweet acupuncturist who has calmed me down for tomorrow. Hundreds of sweet calls, messages & texts from people wishng...
On the last day of September (30 September 2008)
My feet are stuck in four-inch-high-brown- sequinned-shoes. My feet have grey socks on as well the shoes, the better to stretch them. My hands are freezing. My legs are swathed in white and blue pyjama trousers. My torso is covered...
Areeba! (24 September 2008)
Tonight I got measured for my dress for an AUDIENCE WITH.... Shakeel has 9 days to buy the material and make it. I was all of a dither when he was measuring me. Apologising for my lack of waist, width...
Breakfast to Brighton Run (21 September 2008)
Friday night is fight night. It takes me three hours to get from London to the cottage. The cottage is dusty and dank because Gae, my organiser, cleaner and general bitchesbody is now living in Kuwait more weeks than not....
A Shaggy Bitch tail.... (18 September 2008)
Ok it's time to talk dirty. Dirty dogs actually. Its time to chew the fat about Dalmations. Back in 2003, or maybe 2 or even 4, Good Food Live took the programme on a jaunt to the US of A....
A Cemetery For Our Time ( 9 September 2008)
I sat in the bath wondering what to wear for the funeral. Ken Campbell was a man of vision. A luminary, some would say a nutter. He could have cared less what I was wearing. When we worked together he...
Click what a picture..... ( 8 September 2008)
The big table, in the flat, is covered in photographs. All black and white. Me waving my jazz hands. Me, playing castanets. Me playing the piano. Me posing backwards, straining my head to loook into the camera. Me hugging a...
Two times a nudist. ( 4 September 2008)
There are two reasons for my being naked. The first: Walking into the flat. Off with the outdoor attire, on with the body. I sit here, like Spike Milligan, or Monty Python''s lot, naked 'cept my wedding rings, necklace and...
The end of an era. ( 2 September 2008)
I used my gymstick this morning. A stick about so long, with two rubber foot stirrups. Rubber tubes that can be curled round the stick makes the length longer or shorter. The aim, by working against the stick, is to...
Dimanche 17th Aou (22 August 2008)
Samedi's sandals had done the trick, but Dimanche demanded firmer footwear. Team leader Linda, and I had decided on our itinerary, we knew where we were going and we knew how to get there, we were ready to go by...
Friday 15th of Aou... (19 August 2008)
I travelled to Paris with a bag that measured 16" by 10". It contained three pairs of black knickers, one tooth brush, a bottle of Chanel No. 5, a Mac red lipstick, a bergundy passport, a return ticket, an Oyster...
The Gums of Navalgazing (11 August 2008)
Bugger Uranus - or maybe it's Saturn! Having had the proper holiday its noses to the grindstone until Paris this weekend. And before you waggle your finger and accuse me of living the life of Reilly, I've been invited to...
Dog Day Afternoon (10 August 2008)
For thirteen years and seven months we had a big, soft, sloppy Labrador. He was walked just about every single day. When we were on holiday he was walked by friends and family. When it rained we put on galoshes,...
Marrakech - Part Five (21 July 2008)
Marnie and Will sent us photographs of their Riad in Marrakech. Pretty. Light. Beautifully clean. I felt SO hard done by. Jim says I will never be able to have a good holiday because I don't know how to relax...
Marrakech - Part Four (19 July 2008)
I'm not sure I know how to have a holiday. It's not that I'm a workaholic its just that I don't know what to expect when I give myself a vacation.. The old git says a holiday has to be...
Road to Marrakech - part three. (16 July 2008)
Morrocco is full of colour. Pink Earth. Blue and White Walls. Terracotta Tagines Black skins. Lemon lemons. Orange oranges. Ochre Mosques. Azure skies. Red Tomatoes. Golden brown dates. Pink and yellow leather slippers. Deep Royal Blue of the Tuareg Tribesmen,...
Road to Marrakech - Part One (13 July 2008)
Where do I begin....there's a song in there somewhere. We left England on Wednesday June 25th. The weather bright and crisp as I recall. The drive through Ashdown Forest was smooth and unruffled. Gatwick - North terminal - was empty,...
Sunday funday. (22 June 2008)
After a breakfast of scrambled eggs - Bill Granger style - bacon, fresh coffee and toast, I drove Aj back to his car. 21 year old boys who play American football really are sweet arm candy. The wind was fresh,...
night time reveries (22 June 2008)
The cottage has a hole where the dog used to be. Emmy, the cat, sleeps on the bean bag. I wonder if she is missing him too. But It is only my vain imaginings. The clematis flowers, huge great big...
Humbugs (18 June 2008)
Its Wednesday evening. I don't know whether it's me, my age, the planets, the weather, the time of the year, my impending holiday, my impending tax bill, my impending birthday. I don't know whether its because I am not exercising,...
Comedy and Tragedy. (28 May 2008)
There's something wonderful about driving into the centre of London when everybody is driving out. On Tuesday night I felt queasy, hung over, and not a little irritable, but it didn't stop me from jumping into the little red car...
Bank Holiday Madness (26 May 2008)
Its the end of a BIG four days off. The cottage feels a little more normal, even though there is a big space where the dogs bed was. On Friday I collected my newly mended motor, handed over the fancy...
Just a Change of Address (10 May 2008)
It's 21.12 and there's a dreadful wedding reception going on down stairs. Normally I wouldn't a mind a bit of Abba, but the 'Dancing Queen' looks a bit worse for wear and we haven't hit midnight yet. Can I bare...
tuesday news (29 April 2008)
The Northern man who shares my bed started coughing at 3.30. 'Orrible it was. Whilst he expectorated I turned to BELLERUTH NAPERSTEK. No she wasn't sharing our bed, I have a series of her cassette tapes. How to sleep, reduce...
Lets play catch up... ( 2 April 2008)
Thank you Fee for reminding me that Spurs got hammered!?&^% A big thank you to all my bloggers - me forget you? Perleasse. But now lets get down to some serious blogging. Ever since the sugar reading I have been...
1/4/8 ( 1 April 2008)
I have lost 3 stone. Have been given a new 14 part televison series travelling around the World discussing philosophy and food. Jackson is jumping over fences. I have just won £4million on the lottery. LBC are exending my contract...
Hali But..... (26 March 2008)
Dear Chrissie....and you others My Wednesday night meal comprised: Three glasses of pink champagne. Scallops in butter with parsley. Halibut and spinach. The food was just ok, the rest of the crowd were ridiculous. Because England were playing in France...
Birthday Bliss (24 March 2008)
THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY WISHES. When I have scraped the snow off the cottage windows and dusted down the clematis on the walls, when I have walked Jackson and eaten the bestest ever shoulder of lamb infused with...
OK Thursday (20 March 2008)
OK Thursday is the day before Good Friday. It is cold, wet and completely unspring like. This morning I had to wear my gloves when I was running. Little black things they are, which grow when you put your fingers...
Sugar and Spice and all things nice (16 March 2008)
For those of you who heard Steve Allen go on about my blood sugar level,let me tell you that the idea of taking drugs is beyond the pale. I have taken myself in hand and cut out every bit of...
luna eclipse (21 February 2008)
Oh! the last three days have been a nightmare. What with the Lunar eclipse, blood sugar levels and tears from the young women in my life to cap it all my telephone went down, the computer stopped working so I've...
30 syllables (15 February 2008)
Oh what a beautiful morning. Oh what a beautiful day. I've had a funny old eeeevnin! I need to just hit the hay! night night...
Ivory Glowerers (13 February 2008)
And so the days turn into night and the heron stands on one leg. Not haiku poetry, or a portent but the reality of my life. I get up. I meditate. I run. I wash. I drive. I talk for...
Ready Steady Poe (12 February 2008)
Well what a to-do! The 239 is changing to the 170, I'm all at 6's and 7's. Jim has just dismounted from the 6.30 239/170, he called me from the bus stop to tell me not to be alarmed but...
Ah! Fresh bed Lenin (11 February 2008)
It's nearly midnight and I have done as much today as a crofter in Orkney does in a week - not that I would know what a crofter does -i'm being metaphorical or is it physical? Anyway after an interminable...
weekenders ( 4 February 2008)
Having a whole weekend with the old man, and not having to think about writing anything, or reading anything, was like going away for a month to the Maldives with only a sarong on my mind. We slept in, we...
THE LANE (24 January 2008)
Thank you for your well wishes. I am back tomorrow. I've rested up today because I had to go to the launch of THE LANE, Collin Browns new restaurant in Osbourne Street. It was a real swanky affair. My head...
Post Boat Spin (23 January 2008)
Spurs win 5-1 and I've taken to my bed. I awoke this morning with post-boat spin, nausea. I felt like I was going to die. Jim Davies is 'me' for a day, I hope I'm up for it tomorrow. Jackson...
To Dare Is To Do (22 January 2008)
Each day presents a new problem. Working at the PC, the boss walks through, and I get like a kid in the 5th form, waiting to be tapped on the shoulder to be told I'm naughty and I've done it...
The Primmies are up (19 January 2008)
Yesterdays show was as different from 'Breaking News' as building a snowman is from whizzing down the Cresta Run. We covered Public Displays of Affection, marriage, education, ageism and litter. I talked my lips off. Today I had my new...
The Last Sunday But One (13 January 2008)
I had it all planned out. I was going to Jim's penultimate perf. of the panto then drive home and write me blog. But my car got broken into. I cried more tears than the crocodile, but was comforted by...
Assaulted Batteries ( 6 January 2008)
This morning I made scrambled eggs, the Bill Grainger way, with loads of butter and cream. Hot bagels, smoked salmon and the freshest coffee you've ever tasted. 1 baby,1 mother, 1 father, 1 grandpa and 1 wicked step mother sat...
RSVP ( 6 January 2008)
It's fifteen minutes past the midnight hour. I'm waiting up to sing Happy Birthday to my girlfriend in New York. Pammie is sitting down, with 15 friends, at 7pm in Brooklyn. I should have been at the table but this...
The Eve of Christmas (24 December 2007)
Dear, dear all, The turkey's sitting on the draining board. The fridge broke. The hob stopped working. The washing machine is kaput. The fan belt on my little red car has gone all limp on me. Jim got nicked for...
Buzz Balls (23 December 2007)
The last Sunday before Christmas. On LBC we talked food around the world. We talked puddings and sweets and whale blubber. MARIA ELIA came in and told of life on a yacht and how to make turkey in a bag....
Winter Wonderland - rewrite (22 December 2007)
Sleigh bells ring, can you here 'em? In the bath and the bedroom, They sing ding-a-long. A merry old song. Waiting for a winter wonderland. I'm agog at the spending. Just one day, we'll be spending. Prostate on the couch,...
A Capital day (19 December 2007)
I spent all morning in bed making phone-calls on behalf of others. Then after abluting, transcending, adorning and scent, I climbed into the Jackmobil and headed off to Prospect Pictures. I haven't properly been back there since April, but I'd...
Return to Lender (16 December 2007)
Green fingers? Green food? Green Christmas’? That’s what we talked about on todays show. LUCY SEIGLE terrified the life out of me. Having to remember to shop without plastic, and then put your food into jute, not plastic bags, and...
Saturday Night musings (15 December 2007)
It's 9.15 on Saturday night. After too much Saturday night television I've removed myself from the sitting room. Tomorrow I'm packing up and going to the flat for a week. Sundays show is all about having a GREEN CHRISTMAS. Lucy...
Christmas is coming (15 December 2007)
Ok. Ok. I have been up and down to London. In and out of pain. Under the thumb. Round the houses. Past my best. And over the moon....
Minus 3 (12 December 2007)
Minus 3. Christmas Tree. In the pond till Saturdee. Today I had the fridge man in to mend the fridge. It was the thermostat. I made a cheque but tore it up, just like Chris Tarrant, when I realised that...
Green Christmas (10 December 2007)
Dear All, my ankle hurts, although I know it's really no excuse for bad verse. But here goes any way: I'm dreaming of a green Christmas. Not like the ones I used to know. Where the tree-tops tumble, and children...
An Insult ( 6 December 2007)
Well dear readers, As agony aunt to the less than famous, the indiscreet and the truly damaged, let me draw your attention to young Phils queary. Living in Thailand, as he does, and enduring Siam Suzie, which he does, Philip...
Pantotime ( 5 December 2007)
It's late. OH! NO IT ISN'T. OH! YES IT IS. I've just come back from Jim's first night in 'Mother Goose'. OH! NO YOU HAVEN'T . OH! YES I HAVE. There was so much traffic, and an accident coming back...
Mrs. B's Diary ( 1 December 2007)
I've kept a diary ever since 1981. Each year Jim would buy me a big full-page, A4, lined jobbie, which I would fill religiously with waffle. A different colour each year, so I have a library of red, blue, black,...
miles maketh a matyr (30 November 2007)
77 miles to Hertfordshire. + 77 miles back to Sussex. + 38 miles to Brighton. + 38 miles back to the cottage. + one whole bag of fresh pasta. + one whole head of garlic. + half a tub of...
Le plume de ma taunt (28 November 2007)
Sometimes the only thing to do is go with it. So I filled a bucket with hot water and floor cleaner and scrubbed the kitchen floor. Why I felt like ironing is beyond me, but I did. I then gathered...
I'm not a celebrity keep me in here. (27 November 2007)
I know there are bugs flying around because I've snapped one up. I have had a headache for two days that is so bad I feel like my eyes have been sewn up. I have visited the bathroom more times...
Manners maketh a wo-man (26 November 2007)
Dear bloggers, Thank you for your contribution this week. The Self Sufficiency show came and went. Now you know how hard it is to keep up the momentum. This weeks homework is ETIQUETTE. You, and food and manners. I heard...
It's not over until the fat lady sings (23 November 2007)
My cheeks are cold. I've just taken the old dog out for a run under the crispy brown beech leaves. The chestnuts are rotting, the new crop is sprouting and as I hugged my tree I heard my voice shouting...
one trip forward three trips back (22 November 2007)
I set off for a RAJAR meeting at LBC. Richard Parks was addressing the troops to tell them what he wanted, what he wasn't getting, and what he was expecting. I set off for LBC with at least 3 hours...
Caledonian Bhuddism (21 November 2007)
'What's for ya won't go past ya.' So said Joe's granny. Joe is the second youngest of nine, his dad was a copper and his mum a teacher. Joe is an exceptionally good editor. I met Rob, a brillyant (that's...
I'll take the High Road (18 November 2007)
Dear, dear bloggers. You did it again. I nearly managed to get you all on radio this afternoon. Your stories were really well written and bang on, so thanks. I'm off at 4.00 a.m. tomorrow to fly to Glasgow. I'm...
The Fresh Bean (17 November 2007)
Having been to TOADS to have my hair done, I set off in the drizzle to London Town. The hair stayed in tact. I have to admit to having a stiff neck from trying to keep my head as still...
chicken tikka soup (16 November 2007)
11.45 pm. I made chicken tikka soup. It was very tasty and filling. I am so full of chicken tikka soup that I fell asleep in the chair. I have no idea how much 'Children in Need' need. I couldn't...
Public Announcement (15 November 2007)
Oh Dear, Mrs. Jones, having to nit-pick after hours. Like most creeative poeple I ma extreemely bad at speeeling and grandma. The frost on the lawn, this morning, was a most welcome sight - normal November weather. Hurrah!. The old...
Words of Wisdom (13 November 2007)
After 6 hours sleep it was off to the dentist. This time for the daughter, who amazingly revealed that all of her wisdom teeth had torn through her gums without so much as a yelp. She had absolutely no pain...
Brass Monkey weather (12 November 2007)
Eee by gum but it was fair freezin' today in Sussex. I loved it. The old man and me took the doglet round the houses. By round the houses I mean, down the road, past half a dozen properties and...
Itchy Feet (11 November 2007)
Thank you for blogging. I hope some of you heard me reading you out on LBC tonight. Thank you for calling in. I actually had a conversation with Chrissie from Carcassone about Toulouse sausages and her preferred method of eating...
Godparent party (10 November 2007)
1 mountain of mashed potatoes with celeriac, garlic, butter and cream. + 1 sea of sausages, pork, venison and lamb. + 1 ocean of onions cooked in butter and cream. + 1 prodigious pile of peas in butter. + 1...
Chippolata Party ( 9 November 2007)
I ran, I walked, I conkered. I booked a flight to New York for B. I shopped for sausages. I ordered my turkey. I had coffee with my Homeopath. I made an unctious lamb stew with harrisa paste, one bottle...
back dated news ( 9 November 2007)
I ran, I walked, I conkered. I booked a flight to New York for B. I shopped for sausages. I orderd my turkey. I had coffee with my Homeopath. I made an unctious lamb stew with harrisa paste, one bottle...
From bad to verse. ( 7 November 2007)
Eighteen ducks sitting on the wall. Sitting in a line, then one gave a call. Eighteen ducks flying off the wall. All in a line, one and all. Two fat crows sitting on the wall. Eating biscuits, paper and all....
Tempit Figit ( 6 November 2007)
I took my seat in the Tipper Chair, a big blue bib was secured round my neck and whoosh I was up-ended. The protective glasses were placed over my eyes, the curing light switched on then Mr. W. probed my...
2's company 3's a treat ( 5 November 2007)
On Sunday I pootled around the flat until it was time to go to LBC. The show was all about Fussy eating kids, winter risottos, soups and fireworks. Some callers called, texters texted and Glen e-mailed me from Hamburg. Annabel...
Sausage Tails ( 3 November 2007)
The time as come to make this blog more interactive, so here goes. I took some of my family out to eat. Lunch in a pub. We all had different versions of sausage and mash. This morning on Radio 4's...
Jack's Place ( 2 November 2007)
I ran. I wrote. I really enjoyed me meal with Jim at JACKS. Jack Talkington was a 'pound a round' boxer,he met Jimmy Carter's brother, who worked for the White House security team so now all of Jack's restaurant walls...
If you could see it through my eyes ( 1 November 2007)
It's 12.15. I'm eating Ryvita. Clarence is asleep in his bed. Jim's at home in Sussex. Jackson is on his bed - I'm told. I read an article today by Bruce Fogel the famous vet who's married to Julia whatshername....
Idiot Alert ( 1 November 2007)
Dear lovely bloggers. I have just accidentally deleted all your lovely comments. I am gutted. If you've still got them send them again and I'll publish them. I'm off to see CABARET now, it's their first year birthday, I have...
Pop-ups (31 October 2007)
The sharp air cut through my befuddled head. I meditated, and researched words for the book. So I went and bought washing up liquid and three newspapers from the corner shop. The corner shop is on The Square. Rather than...
Spider Woman (30 October 2007)
The new clock, hanging on the wall in the bedroom, gave me a real feeling of security. Why? I have no idea. But I woke up and it made sense of the day. The light was very bright, the sun...
The Savages (29 October 2007)
I was doing my shopping in Waitrose - ok I know its a supermarket but if I have to stock up then at least Waitrose has a conscience. I was wandering round buying bio-degradable bin bags when my phone went....
Hello Eeen.... (28 October 2007)
Todays LBC was all about Halloween. TONY EDWARDS talked about the history of the Pagan festival from The Celts to now, told us a story, sung us a song, the least I could do was invite him back. Rupert Ponsonby...
Hickory Dickory Dock..... (27 October 2007)
it's 23.03, although for the sake of my body clock it's only 3 minutes past ten. The clocks go back tonight and I'm pleased about that, an extra hour in bed. I have to change the time on the cube...
Picture perfect. (26 October 2007)
The river was up today grey and swirling. My mood was a bit like the river. My printer had broken down and so had my patience. I had a shower, got dressed then Jim and I bussed it into Piccadilly....
From Beer to BAFTA (26 October 2007)
Sometimes my days are so full I forget myself. Today was such a day. It started out with a blitz of the flat, a call on the phone, a write of the diary, a call on the phone, a meditate,...
Mr. & Mrs. B's Night Up West. (24 October 2007)
Mr.& Mrs.B. go out for a date. They spend £100 on tickets to go to the theatre in the West End. Its a very nice theatre with lots of famous people in the audience and a cast of exemplary actors....
A day in the life of a superstar........ (24 October 2007)
Hooveringironingwashing shoppingcookingsweeping shoutinglaughingcrying writingthinkingscreaming walkingdrivingrunning scrubbingdustingsweeping talkinglisteningwatching fightingcleaningweeping packingloadingspending moaningyawningsweeping moppingscrubbingeating bathingreadingsleeping zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
Goosey Goosey Gander (23 October 2007)
Today Jackson was 13 years of age. Jim and I sang him Happy Birthday. He 'herrumphed' a thank you, a kind of breathy neigh. I called up B, she shouted out Happy Birthday - he barked his thanks. I called...
Chicken Soup and Pate (21 October 2007)
21.46 of a Sunday. It 's cold round the ankles and the moon is half full. The first chicken soup of the season is bubbling away on the back burner; me knaidlach, (matzo-meal dumplings) have risen to the surface nicely...
Pensive Ponderings (19 October 2007)
What a funny time this is. The BBC slashing so many jobs. Perer Fincham resigning. ITV being accused of fraud. Im working in an industry which is tearing itself apart. Fewer and fewer people are able to find work, more...
Mercury Makes You Mad (17 October 2007)
The last four days have been dominated by technological breakdown, resulting in personal 'meltdown'. I know that when Mercury, the planet of communicaton, goes retrograde, things can get a little tricky but the postal strike, internet failure, computer crashing, email...
Other people eat to live...... (13 October 2007)
'The Frieze Art Fair' in Regents Park, was full of arty collectors, rich gallery owners, Richard E Grant and poseurs. Some of the work was good; I particulalry liked Evan Penny's bald man and Pam Ferris lookalike. They hung on...
The Plimsoll Line (12 October 2007)
Jim and I took Jackson for a walk. We met a little Staffordshire terrior who was 16, three pugs who were not, a woman from Halifax, a lady from Leeds and a ream of runners. Then when we got to...
Pearl before swine (10 October 2007)
We have a shed in our garden, it's called 'Le Shed'. One half is my writing shrine the other is where music gets written. Jim has a shed, it's called 'His Shed'. We have another shed in the garden full...
MSU ( 9 October 2007)
Dear Colin, me YAK?! I've never yakked in my life - talked the hind legs off a donkey, now that's different. And dear Janey B, if it ain't the foxes running amok it's the geese that are giving you goose...
lov letters ( 9 October 2007)
Tonight we went and had a meal in a Nepalese Restaurant. The owners name is LOV. Lov is a luv. night night....
It's all lunacy ( 7 October 2007)
Dear Anne, you are absolutely right. The Great Storm was 20 years ago. I should know that because the kid is now 20. I should also know that because I am twenty years older, over the hill and away with...
Community Spirit. ( 6 October 2007)
I can hear the fireworks from Rotherfield Carnival. You can see the purple, red orange and white sparkles way up in the sky. Back in the Great Storm of 1987 the spire of Rotherfield Church went through the roof. You...
These Feet Are Made For Walking ( 5 October 2007)
Jackson and I walked very slowly round the houses this morning. It was a sharp, crisp day. Felt like Sweden tinged with Connecticut. Bulbous blackberries hung in clusters, but I left them alone - in October they belong to the...
She's scored a Haptic! ( 3 October 2007)
Autumn in the cottage has to be seen to be believed. Johnathan's Virginia Creeper is the colour of bergundy wine. The Beech trees are alternately brown and copper, the Michaelmass daisies are out and the smell of fungi pushing through...
Non, je ne regrette rien. ( 2 October 2007)
I dont see the point in having regrets. What is done is done. If I had given any energy to the numerous events that have happened in my life, which in the cold light of day make even me blush,...
On the Last Day of September (30 September 2007)
It now smells of autumn, a fusty, musty earthy aroma which surrounds the cottage at this time of year. I'm waiting for the mushrooms to appear. We have shaggy ink caps round the back of us, puff balls at the...
Delfina (29 September 2007)
For five years Maria Elia came onto Good Food Live. She fused and combined all sorts of crazy ingredients; served up everything from prawn and watermelon curry to artichoke ice-cream; turned our heads with her humour and perspicacity and impressed...
5768 (25 September 2007)
Happy New Year. It is now, according to the Jewish calender, Five Thousand Seven Hundred and Sixty Eight. The year, 5768, is calculated by adding up the ages of certain people in the Bible back to the time of Creation....
Afternoon Tea-vee (20 September 2007)
September 2007 is nearly over and along with millions of others I'm SAD. We've not even had an Indian summer to speak of. I'm afraid you find me watching telly on a Thursday afternoon as the charcoal grey clouds over...
Pinky and Perksy (17 September 2007)
There are definite advantages to doing a foodie programme. The organic box company sent me a box of organic fruit and a bag of organic potatoes. I unpacked them, gave two punnets of pink strawberries, 6 peaches and a kettle...
Do you want to know a secret? (12 September 2007)
Listen,ooh ooh ooh, Do you want to know a secret?, ooh ooh ooo. Do you promise not to tell whoawhoaeeeh....well that wasn't an option for Dr.John DeMartini who was diagnosed with learning disabilities when he was 7. At 14 he...
It's still SEPTEMBER (11 September 2007)
Dear Nit pickers, yes of course I meant to write September not December on my last blog, but the way the time is going it might just as well be Christmas. The weekend has been absolutely manic, none of my...
Art for Arts Sake ( 7 September 2007)
I couldn't get back to sleep after I heard the sound of running water, it was, in fact, Jim pressing an indigestion table out of it's silvery tray - too much Bordeaux last night - it was 5.30 and since...
My Home is my Saucepan ( 4 September 2007)
The sun did not wake me this morning, the alarm did. I want so badly to like him but John Humphries really irritates me. He argues just for the sake of arguing so at 7.00 when Radio 4 came on...
September ( 3 September 2007)
It's only 9.o'clock but it's as black as Newgates Knocker outside. I've had to turn up the heating, put on a grey fleece, close the windows and drink a mug of something warm. It's 14 and a bit weeks until...
A Moth in my Pocket (30 August 2007)
I walked over Battersea bridge today smiling. Two reasons, the first being that my face in repose, with its down-turned mouth, has the look of a depressed camel - ever since I saw myself in a shop window and wondered...
The world's my oyster (24 August 2007)
I didn't have a lot of sleep, owing to the old man's birthday bash last night. But I was called this morning, at 8.24 precisely, by Radio Kent for my opinions on whether women were happier and more content than...
Birthday bash (23 August 2007)
Having Jackson in the flat is a real alarm call. I wake at 7.00 (although this morning it was 8.00) and walk down the hall into the living room. Jackson has taken up residence under the table, next to the...
Lookalikes (21 August 2007)
It's 8 minutes off 5 0'clock. I have finally managed to get myself back into some kind of health and fitness regime. NINA ANDERSON, my lovely personal trainer has waited patiently for me to turn a corner, and by that...
Rien ne Change ci rien ne change (16 August 2007)
I have had many hairdressers in my time. Back in 1962 my father took me to a salon in Dunstable as a treat. I think it was called 'Curl up and Dye'. I came out looking like a very bad...
Sunday the 12th of Never (12 August 2007)
It's 12.14pm on Sunday the 12th of Never. Jim is on his hands and knees screwing screws out of one drawer so that he can put another drawer where the old one came from so that the first drawer goes...
Flat white ( 8 August 2007)
Soho is one of my favourite places in London. Berwick Street market has been around ever since I started dieting. I once got a job in Harley Street to pay for my habit - I sorted files so that I...
7.8.7. ( 7 August 2007)
Well, what a time its been. The inside of my head has felt like the inside of a kettle that's all furred up and hasn't got one of those funny metal jobbies you put in to collect up the limescale....
Who'd have thought it? ( 1 August 2007)
The first day of August and it was warm and sunny. I ate blackberries and porridge at the kitchen table with a shaft of sunshine lighting up my oats. Then I put on a bikini. Don't panic - this is...
Oxymoron ( 1 August 2007)
An oxymoron is a combination of contrary ideas, a phrase seemingly absurd but really significant like 'in this shrill hush of quietude' or 'proud humility', which perfectly describes my moronic behaviour at the moment. The comments on this blog do...
FullMoonday (30 July 2007)
Well I don't know about you, but I feel as nutty as a fruit cake. But then they say that happens with the full moon, don't they? Whoever those they are. The Moon is staring at me through the window....
What d'ya wanna make those eyes at me for? (26 July 2007)
I had to get dressed today as I had an appointment at the opticians. I put on a pair of trousers that were loose enough to pull down when I needed to without having to undo the button or zip....
Tomorrow, tomorrow, I'll love ya tomorrow (25 July 2007)
Finding a structure is the thing. I'm told not to go to bed too late. But being on my own without a structure means I dribble around, reading, writing, telly-grazing and end up going to bed in the wee small...
Here comes the sun (24 July 2007)
I got complacent and didn't take Jackson out late last night. I opened the door and followed the trail of his widdle. Then we went for a brisk walk. I had on a t-shirt, fleece and my pyjama trousers. Half...
It's another Saturday Night and I ain't got nobody... (21 July 2007)
It's 9.30pm. Jimbo is down stairs re-writing his Punch and Judy part for the Globe. He has just sent £30 off to Prof. Doc. Jingles or Jangles, a man who lives in Norfolk. The Prof sent him two 'swazzles' so...
The day that the rains came down (20 July 2007)
Last night the sound of the rain on the red plastic table cover in the front garden lulled me to sleep. It was noisy and rhythmic. When I woke at 7.00 this morning the rain was still tumbling out of...
Is it that time already...? (17 July 2007)
16.26 and all I have done is drive and sit, wait and drive, sit and wait, sit and drive. Somehow I am managing to meditate every morning, but that's about the only constant at the moment. I am reading the...
Moanday (16 July 2007)
Rum time I say! What with the weather and all. I don't know what day it is. I made a list of all the topics I wanted to talk about but lost the list. The weekend was so short. I...
Travellers Tales (10 July 2007)
Jim shouted 'I said get me up at 7.30', but I thought he said 8.00 so the pair of us were running around like blue-arsed flies this morning. He managed to get out in ten minutes. Off to the dentist,...
7/7/7 ( 6 July 2007)
I don't know how to post a picture of me. I'm sure somebody will tell me after this entry. I'm now being invited by 'friends' to go on Facebook, but I'm completely in the dark as to what I have...
Sleepless in See-Sussex ( 5 July 2007)
Whenever my girlfriends come to stay, I burn the candles at both end. I have my cake and eat it, whilst biting off more than I can chew. All in all, I am clinched out, cream crackered and so full...
The postman always rings twice ( 3 July 2007)
Well, just as I said, the postman arrived and I signed for BB's 'Love Box Weekend' tickets. My, that sounds like a good day out, especially with the weather we are having. It snowed in Battersea this evening... The postman...
JaTuzzdi ( 3 July 2007)
There is an awful lot to do in the country. So far today I have juiced a whole pineapple and a massive papaya, taken the dog to the field and waited for him to widdle in the wet grass, sorted...
Sungrey (24 June 2007)
Blimey, 'what a grey day', to quote Larry Grayson. The rain has been constant since I awoke this morning. Not that it really mattered since I had no pressing external commitments so I've been in my Marks and Sparks pj's...
Shrek in Chelsea (23 June 2007)
To Jill, I know it's hard to find work when you're sixteen. My twillage employs all the young folk in three supermakets and, of course, I don't approve. But I am not so naive as to think that all the...
The Long-er day (22 June 2007)
Somehow I missed the moment yesterday. My timetable is 'f''cocked' - trying to fit everything in is almost impossible. How I ever managed to run my life whilst doing GFL is beyond me. When I am in town next week,...
Morris Barnett's trainers (20 June 2007)
When I was on GFL, Simon Rimmer and I used to talk about running. He's been pounding the turf for years, whilst I started two years ago. Since I've been back from America, what with all the changes, my knee...
Day trip (19 June 2007)
It has been such a weird week. So full of this and that, I've hardly had a moment to reflect. But I feel really unbalanced not writing, so, even though my eyes are propped open with matchsticks, here goes. It's...
Publish and be Damned (15 June 2007)
On my drive up to London I listened to the 'The Maltby Collection' by David Nobbs on Radio 4. The double-barreled good looker from 'Green Wing' was in it, as was Richard Palmer. It was funny and so well written...
Transmutation (14 June 2007)
I took Jackson for a walk in the Hollies. We drove over the cattle grid, parked the car and gingerly walked past half a dozen very big bulls chewing the cud. The weather was balmy. When we got to the...
The last apprentice (13 June 2007)
Look, there's no beating about the bush today. The final of 'The Apprentice' with Alan Sugar is on at 9.00 and I have to make myself a salad and stop crying. No, I have not turned into a sniveling feeble...
Press night shambles (12 June 2007)
Tonight I was going to the Globe to see the 'Merchant of Venice.' My husband got two complimentary tickets for the seated area. No groundling scamble for me, darlings. It was the Press night. Performances are always better when there...
A Day at Drusilla's (12 June 2007)
The computer read out said 00.00 when I started. No time like the present eh? Although I always find 00.00 a strange 'moment' in time. It's as if for 60 seconds we just don't exist. In my haste to write...
Midnight and beyond ( 9 June 2007)
It's just gone Jools Holland. I fell asleep in the chair, having driven more miles today than a rally driver in Monaco. Jim is in the flat, BB is in the attic, and I am on my last legs. Don't...
6-6-7 ( 6 June 2007)
I wish I had blogged yesterday because it was 5-6-7. Don't you love that kind of cosmic joke? Like looking at the clock and it saying 12.34, or it being 7.7.7, which it will be next month? Anyway, I missed...
Monday, June already ( 4 June 2007)
There has been so much to do, and so little time to do it, I can hardly remember the peace of the wheatgrass farm. I made notes so that I wouldn't forget anything but I always doodle backwards, mirror writing...
St. Albans (30 May 2007)
St. Albans in Hertfordshire is one of my most favourite places on Earth. It has such lovely memories for me. When I was studying the piano I would be taken on the 358 bus, past three mental hospitals and a...
Chewsday (29 May 2007)
Every morning I have to remember to chew my food 30 times. That's okay if you're eating a jolly nice piece of succulent lambikin but when it comes to a bit of sprout, it does get just a tad boring....
Bank Holiday Sunlessday (28 May 2007)
Bank Holiday Sunlessday. I have had to wear a thick fleecy blue sweater, Jim's black anorak, thick sweat pants and my new trainers to keep out the wind and the cold. Everybody is sneezing. The roads are waterlogged and the...
Wet and damp in Sussex (27 May 2007)
The weather men were right. California is meant to be sunny - and it was mostly. England is meant to be grey and wet with an overcast of depressing gloom - and it is mostly. We haven't even taken Jackson...
Home at last (22 May 2007)
Hello, I am back. It's Wednesday today. At least, I think it is. My body clock is telling me it's not the day I think it is. But an acupuncture needle in the right spot should do the trick. The...
Bliss city (13 May 2007)
Hello, you lot. Darling Rod, my swarthy flight attendant, I am flying back on Sunday 20th, the evening flight. Cancel all your plans. I need you to see the new me. Now, thank heavens I can fit into one seat....
San Diego days and nights ( 7 May 2007)
Well, as I slurp yet another green juice, you are all safely tucked up in your beds. It's 5.40 Pacific time which makes it nearly 3.00a.m. so if you are an insomniac, Good Morning. The drive down to San Diego...
Venice beach (29 April 2007)
Alex Baldwin is on the telly talking about parental alienation. Sybil the soothsayer is having a lie down. Maggie, my hostess, is in the kitchen and the last remnants of the gecko have been retrieved from behind the armchair. Sam...
Hollywood (28 April 2007)
Well, finally I am able to get into the site. It has taken three days and countless long distance phone calls and emails, but I think we are there. Here's hoping. It's 10.10am my time, 6pm your time. I'm forever...
The night before the morning after. (25 April 2007)
Well, just how quickly does it come round? One minute you're booking the tickets on e-mail and wondering whether it really is too much money to be spending on three weeks away in a ridiculous clinic in the desert, being...
Pack up your troubles (24 April 2007)
Well, it comes to a pretty pass when your husband marks your spelling in front of the Nation. That deffinattelee is not the done thing, Jim! Dear brighton Beau, forgive my assumptions, and for God's sake, Crawford, lay off the...
Tuesday, the dustbin day (24 April 2007)
Ah! Marmite girl, marmite girl, you are as rare as seawater pearl.The big apple eh? You are nothing but a gad about girl. Darling Maria Elia - if you don't go to her restaurant in Borough Market you don't deserve...
The Bard's birthday (23 April 2007)
I've had my fix of 'Corrie' and eaten last night's left overs. I've talked with Jim, who's in the flat, and written up a treatment for a new show so now it's time to reflect on Sunday and today. I...
Just about Saturday (21 April 2007)
I know it's late but BB called and asked me if I was tired. When I said no, and I should have seen it coming, she asked me to collect her from her University halls so she could finish her...
Mow that lawn (20 April 2007)
To all of you wonderful people in Australia, I can't tell you what it means to have your sunshine on my blog. Thank you so much for bothering to write to me. And to you, Dear Marmite Girl, my ulcers...
Buggered from Brugger (19 April 2007)
I am back. It's 23.02 English time. Out there in Belgium it would be 00.02. All them noughts. And yes, it was me in Brugger. I know we say Brughe, but they don't. Lovely to hear from Cutesy, my wonderful...
Friday 13th (13 April 2007)
Right, first things first. Thank you for the cat pee suggestions. Especially Vinegar John in Shotts. Jim said he thought of it first, and told me to pour vinegar on it last week. I don't think he did but then...
Wild garlic (12 April 2007)
The weather was so fresh. The old geezer and I went for a walk. Jackson on the lead. Over the main road. In through the gate and there's the orchard. The trees are budding quite late so there is no...
India can wait (11 April 2007)
What's the worst I can do? Lie. Well, it wasn't exactly a lie. Somewhere deep inside my addled brain I really thought I would go to India but here's what happened. For three nights I haven't slept. I'm not saying...
Courage mon brave (10 April 2007)
Well, it's Tuesday, 5 o'clock. I've been shopping, walking, telephoning and dealing with yet more of your wonderful comments. To all my Brighton buddies, thank you for the invite. I will be down lounging in the Lanes as soon as....