Ad Infinitum

Grancangirlcan't ( 1 October 2017)

The comment from 'Grancangirl', for just a nano second, upset me. My initial reaction to nasty posts always has the same affect on me. I read it once, then again, then wonder what I did to make 'Grancangirl', and the...

Feng Shui (16 September 2017)

Sometimes, just sometimes, I think my cottage may be the cause of my ill health. That the North/North West facing aspect is lousy Feng Shui. Then I remember that being ill and getting better takes time when you are three...

Afternoon Treat ( 9 September 2017)

In 1589 a botanical garden was opened in Basle, a Chestnut tree was planted in Duddleswell, East Sussex, whilst over in Somerset John Harrington was busy inventing the first flushing water closet at his house at Keelson in Bath. He...

Runners and Courgettes. (29 August 2017)

In-between the floods of Texas, the old gits birthday and a glut of runner beans, the month comes to a balmy close. This August has gone so quickly I can almost recall it minute by minute. My little red car...

august 7th. ( 7 August 2017)

The sky is low. the purple lilac outside the kitchen window looks limp. I've been watching the butterflies, because Saint David Attenborough wanted us to count them. One orange, two red admirals, and some white ones. Not as many as...

Deer Park Cafe (24 July 2017)

Now the thing about a blog is that it's personal, owned by you. Written by you, for you and for whoever wants to be associated with you. I've been blogging for about ten or so years, and I'm still none...

Auntie Beeb (20 July 2017)

So now we are witnessing the outing of well paid BBC players. Outed by politicians who own companies worth millions, outed by dispassionate hard hearts who have always bleated on about the BBC being biased. Outed by a government that...

Coccyx sucker (12 July 2017)

It's raining. The kale, broccoli, cauliflower and runner beans are loving it. The raspberries are shrivelled and the strawberries have a little life left. I am, officially, theeee most boring woman in the world. I've been doing my yoga, and...

Check (26 June 2017)

I'm sorry about my absence but I can't be the only one who is confused, dazed, horrified, upset, appalled, angry and exhausted, by the chaos that is surrounding us. We all have our opinions, we all think we know what...

Calamity Jen ( 7 June 2017)

My little red car had to be collected so that it could face it's MOT. I only remembered at 7.00 o'clock this morning. I had to have a replacement car as I had to get into town for a voice...

democracy (26 April 2017)

Poppy Pee Wee and Fred, I dare to blast my blog with my own political views because its my blog....

June 8th. (18 April 2017)

Ive got the fear of the Devil, that if there is a snap election, the Tories will get in with a bigger mandate than before and we will see yet more dismantling of everything. Schools will be taking lessons, in...

Black and blues..... (18 March 2017)

So I pruned the ivy on the studio wall. I pulled the stems, I cut the dead wood, I filled the purple plastic holdall and emptied the contents into the incinerator. It's a silver dustbin with holes in it. I...

Chartwell (22 February 2017)

I turned the box on, and for no apparent reason I watched the advert for The National Trust. It's been on loads of times but this time it registered. I sat down at the lap top and brought up a...

The Scream. (27 January 2017)

I drove to Ashdown Forest. Just me, in my little red car. A smattering of East Sussex drivers,driving slowly in well maintained old cars. My irritation started to bubble. 'MOOOOOOVE' I shouted. I felt a stirring. I was driving to...

Marching against the windbag. (19 January 2017)

Roman Road, in the Ashdown Forest, was hard soiled. My Nordic Poles couldn't smash through the ice. The leaves crinkled and the sun so low I couldn't really see the view, which was tweedy brown and gorse yellow. My wooly...

nine days in ( 9 January 2017)

There are days and then there are days. The rain tap-danced on my hood, I was zipped up, only my face peering out at the bare trees. The mud stuck to my Wellington boots, my glasses foggy with the drizzle....

Tarra 2016 (31 December 2016)

Ill health gone. Black dog chased off. May we all have Unexpected Good. Unexpected Money Unexpected Love Unexpected Kindness Unexpected Generosity Unexpected Offers Unexpected Prosperity That's courtesy of Michael Beckwith. I wish you all health wealth, love and perfect self...

Tellymoans ( 7 December 2016)

I don't watch jungle capers I don't watch 'Honey G' I don't watch 'Made in Chelsea' I don't watch 'Dine with me.' I don't watch pointless gameshows I don't watch gambling capers I don't watch politicians Lying over papers. I...

May Beevers cake. (23 November 2016)

Yellow leaves, red leaves, no leaves, green leaves. The oak tree outside the bedroom window is practically naked. November - one week to go till December - and I've found a new eatery - in the next village. Twee, said...

President Fart ( 9 November 2016)

The pundits talk and punt. The speculators talk and speculate. The politicians talk and politicise. The winners win The losers lose And the talk goes on. The magnanimous forgive, the disillusioned dissolve, the spirited move on. The wind blows, the...

Norwegian Poles. ( 3 November 2016)

The stove is stoving, the light is fading and the fruit basket is full of windfalls. The washing's ironed, the carpet's vacuumed and the draining board is shiny. The 'oosbind's pottering, the dawter's driving and the tickets are booked for...

Rosh Hashanah ( 9 October 2016)

One week later the Cholla, chopped liver, Gefilte fish balls, bagels, egg and onion, Shepherds Pie, Macaroni Cheese, thirty thousand cakes and 43,000 bags of nibbles have finally left the house. 66 guests, including a dozen radio active children and...

Blind Aid (26 September 2016)

I'm meant to be sleeping but I'm not ready yet. It's 2.45a.m. I'm in the attic, the clock is ticking, everything else is dead quiet. The mole who is destroying the garden is asleep. The foxes have stopped screaming, and...

Pots and Pans (29 August 2016)

On the hottest day of the year I mounted the 8.17 to London Bridge. My feet froze with the trains air conditioning. I walked out of the train station. The Shard shimmered in the sunlight. I asked an armed policeman...

August ( 2 August 2016)

August 2nd and the grey clouds are a backdrop to a wind that belongs in October, or even April. I dream of Harry Smith Beach, in Barbados. I dream of the smell of the ocean. I dream of the smell...

Breathe ( 5 July 2016)

A bunch of flowers arrived today. Pink and cerise, red and white. The smell so pungent they beat the Philadelphius in the garden. The first shrub I planted when we moved in 32 years ago. A tall man arrived at...

June 12th already (12 June 2016)

Friends and long lost acquaintances have been visiting me. i think they think my days are numbered. Well they are, in a manner of speaking. This morning I woke at 6.00 and climbed into a salty, lavender bath. Lay there...

Last day of May. (31 May 2016)

So what has happened in the last 22 days. My aquilegias are bobbing their bonnets all over the garden. Pink, mauve, blue, pink and white, alongside foxgloves, rhododendrons and two massive peony buds that are about to pop. Last Thursday...

Aberfeldy ( 9 May 2016)

The birds are battling, who can sing the loudest. It's 5.00a.m. and I've played musical beds. On Thursday we drove to Stanstead airport. Dropped the car off and boarded a flight to Edinburgh. Picked up a hire car and drove...

Trying to stand up date.... (29 April 2016)

Worry lorra time twixt now and then. So, as I write the sky's grey, even though the primroses, forget-me-nots and Tulip tree and carpeting the garden. My feet are freezing, the old git has just laid a big log fire,...

Broken Promises (13 April 2016)

Forgive my absence. Tests unresolved, pain unresolved, this morning the consultant sent me a letter that was so out of date I nearly chewed my own eyeballs. It's tricky isn't it, that as a long standing member and supporter of...

Banana Split (20 March 2016)

Trying to remain positive, although my pain would test the patience of a Saint. Spent yesterday in A&E. Blood tests, urine tests, x-ray. They sent me away telling me there was nothing wrong. Even though I was doubled over in...

29 ( 4 March 2016)

It ain't been easy, I will admit. The pain has been so excruciating, changing its nature, that I've been sleeping on the settee, living on bananas and crying more rivers than Julie and Justin put together. I've seen healers, doctors,...

Night time. (22 February 2016)

When we had the flat in Battersea walking outside, when it got dark, was magical. The lights on the river, the lights in houses, red buses with their lights on, restaurants, pubs, 24 hour shops - you get the picture...

End Os Copy that ( 9 February 2016)

I have been sitting in my silence. Sitting in my own pool of fear, which seeped under the doors and through the windows. I have been awaiting the Endoscopy, which everybody had an opinion about. Have the sedative. Don't have...

Solly (28 January 2016)

Its a cold bright day. My fingers are cold, only just put the heater on in the attic, haven't been up here for ages. Spent most of my time in front of logs fires, which Jim has lovingly laid. Tuesday...

Solly (28 January 2016)

Its a cold bright day. My fingers are cold, only just put the heater on in the attic, haven't been up here for ages. Spent most of my time in front of logs fires, which Jim has lovingly laid. Tuesday...

Gratitude (21 January 2016)

To you all, a big thank you for your love and support. Last night I didn't sleep at all, watched the National Television Awards, from the comfort of my bean bag and two hot water bottles. Given that the awards...

Me and my shadow. (19 January 2016)

Put on a big puffy jacket, had my pyjamas and thick socks over my suede clogs, and left the house in the frosty morning. The earth was hard, paw prints frozen in the mud. The grass white and crusty. Sounded...

Sniff and Tell (21 December 2015)

Two parcels to post, so I drove down to the local Post office. The postman, a delicious Asian man, with long pointy fingers and the patience of Meher Baba, weighed the boxes, put them in a sack and wished me...

Central Line (10 December 2015)

This morning I took the 10.09 train to Charing Cross sans hot water bottles which have been pressed to my body for nearly two months. Pain and more pain have been my constant companions since October 5TH. I've seen more...

Pain (14 November 2015)

Annus horribilis. February 22nd I broke my arm. Lingering chest infection from American airlines and air con. A collapsed back from July to October. And just when i thought it was safe to go back into the water on October...

Lanzascrottie (25 October 2015)

How grateful the dawter and I were to be able to get a week away in Lanzafeckingrotty. The constant criticism is the curse of the Western traveller......... The Lava walls were everywhere, the landscape bleak and Barron. The beds too...

October sun (15 October 2015)

The rain has arrived. The grey clouds have made the cottage feel dark. The Camellias, outside the door have rainwater dripping off their leaves. All day, drip, drip, drip. The heater is on in the bath room. I have been...

Radio Sussex ( 8 October 2015)

The garden table is full of windfalls. Half the apples are brown waspy mush the other half shiny green and red. I'm working on Radio Sussex this week so gardening duty is out. It's a 6.00a.m. start. Shower, dressed, torch...

Mists and mellow fruitfulness. ( 3 October 2015)

The leaves are turning from green to red. From green to yellow. From green to pink. Yesterday I drove to Brighton and sat in for Danny Pyke on Radio Sussex, he's broken his collar bone. I'm sitting in for Danny...

Primo Italian, Secondo too. ( 1 October 2015)

I went into town yesterday for a meeting. I took the Uckfield train. Stood in the sunshine and did some exercises whilst I waited for the little chuffer to turn up. On the platform, opposite where the steam train club...

silence aint so golden (26 September 2015)

Forgive lack of blog. bad back radio sussex Charity do I will resume next week. Thank you for your concern...

Ground Hog Day (18 August 2015)

Well it aint Baton Rouge, but my next gig is Brighton and Radio Sussex. Up at 6.00. Stumble into the bathroom. Stick out my tongue to see if I'm getting better, seems my body is beginning to slough off the...

SCENAR (13 August 2015)

The rain came. It was warm but the rain came down and I feared I wouldn't get a train. In the event the 11.39 trundled into the station. I had on a little waterproof jacket which revealed itself not to...

Wheel in the Smoothies (10 August 2015)

Change of clothes in my pink suede bag Olly went driving round town and the rest of us went to a side road. Parked up was a stall with two bicycles. Nailed to the floor. Inside the roadside arrangement was...

Waffle on (10 August 2015)

Another early start. All of us tumbled into the two SUV's. Kit packed and we were off to Eugene. Two hours later we arrived everybody needing the REST ROOM. After which we talked, into camera, in the car park. My...

Mount Hood (10 August 2015)

The heat continues. We drove, en masse, to a location that was suitable for our needs. Two and half hours to film me getting in and out of cars. Olly in the open topped Mini, me climbing in and out...

The Grumps (10 August 2015)

Up early. The cough lingers. My energy level is less than perfect. I am in a bad mood. Have that scratchy feeling you get when you want everything done for you, that feeling of irritation when everything you have to...

Gott up and went (10 August 2015)

Being on the road time takes on a completely new dimension. Long days, interminable nights, loadsa travelling, but however you cut it, you arrive home in the end. It's like the man who meets Death, terrified he jumps on his...

Cookie Monster ( 5 August 2015)

Hamburgers Caesar Salad Artichoke soup Caramelised onions Crudite Some of the delicacies that I ate, in one day, and not necessarily in that order. You cant make an omelette without breaking eggs. You cant make a food show without breaking...

Wotter Otter (30 July 2015)

In 1962 relatives in Canada decided their poor English cousins would benefit from a generous bulk-load of cream cheese and sardines. For months my mother would mime our breakfast choices. Clucking like a hen to indicate dairy - don't ask...

It happened in Monterey a Long time ago (24 July 2015)

Good bye Santa Barbara, hello Monty. 249 miles, through changing temperatures, changing sound tracks and changing scenery. 249 miles and we would be in Monteray. We all knew we were going to have to film stuff, but after 249 miles...

Myly Virus (20 July 2015)

Six days down, ten to go and the virus hit me like a truck from behind. My head hurt, my chest hurt, every part of my body ached, the cost of a US doctor was prohibitive so I had to...

Volley balls. (19 July 2015)

It was Fathers day in the UK, they were with each other as I lollopped around my luxury 12th floor bedroom. Didn't want breakfast, didn't want to get dressed, but it was our one and only day off and Sybil...

Hot Doggedy Dog (18 July 2015)

How different is New Orleans from Los Angeles. The French Quarter with its genteel courtyards, people walking, a sense of its own history, and LA with its billboards, traffic and technology. Outside my 12th floor window, a wonderful hotel for...

Gator on a stick. (17 July 2015)

Friday 19th June, and our stay in New Orleans had come to an end. Impressions linger. Balconies, hospitality, beads and beignet sugared noses. My big red suitcase, packed to the gunnels, was left by the desk in the suite of...

Big Easy Beignets. (16 July 2015)

Three days in and it feels like I've been away for a month. Jim has been dealing with my little red car which failed it's MOT. Rust and a nail in the tyre, along with speeding fines and I'm thinking...

Go Chigger. (15 July 2015)

So we arrive at the Wednesday in the Bourbon Hotel. June 17th. We had only been around for two whole days and it felt like we had been on a caravan through the Sahara. Now here I am in the...

Tuesday in New Orleans. (14 July 2015)

Waking up in The Bourbon Hotel was glorious. Clothes hanging neatly in the 'closet', clean white towels. Delicious bath lotions. I chose a white dress for the N'awlins shoot. Great idea until I realised I had to wear spandex knickers...

US here we come. (13 July 2015)

Dear All, here's some of my American travels. Shlepping around my lap top was a great idea in my head BUT the heat and the travelling meant I hardly unpacked it. The journey out was an early start, 6.30 a.m....

I'm home. ( 8 July 2015)

Welcome all. I have been recovering from jet lag. I have been recovering from extremely long shooting days, 100 degree heat and more air flights than a migrating goose. So I'm back. My shoulders are as brown as a Peruvian...

One outrage a day..... (13 May 2015)

Dear Poppy, says our twillage has four banks. Sorry..... So today I drove to Brighton to have my hair primped and coloured before my trip to South Carolina. But not before I went to the hospital to see the physiO....

Marilyn's in the house. (12 May 2015)

The highest point in our twillage is 242 metres above sea level. This summit is the highest point of the High Weald and second highest point in East Sussex. Its relative height is 159 metres, meaning my adopted second home...

Don't Pranic Mr. Mainwaring ( 9 May 2015)

When I went to the hospital to have my elbow checked, I entered zone 2 shivering with indignation. The X-ray machine had broken and a twenty minute wait lasted nearly three hours. I was given a 50p deduction on parking...

May 7th 2015 ( 8 May 2015)

Two weeks ago the world was an altogether different place. Quotes will be quoted, embarrassments will be played and replayed. Humiliations will be written about and gloated over. Tectonic plates, will be forever moving in Scotland and hats will be...

The all Clear (24 April 2015)

Broke the elbow on February 22nd. Today I was given the all clear. But not after waiting for two and a half hours in the aircraft hanger that is called our hospital. One of the X-Ray machines had gone down....

Heavenly thoughts (12 April 2015)

First the dawters birthday. Lots of people, lots of booze, lots of little sausages cooked in honey and sesame seeds. Secondly my birthday. The big tall son-in-law came home from Bali. Enough of us to stand on the kick step...

Tales for Tim (24 March 2015)

So I bumped into my ex-singing teacher. We went into the new Costa's in Crowborough High street, which let me tell you is in a parlous state, thats the High Street not Costa's The bra shop is closing. The vegetable...

Slinging along (10 March 2015)

I wore my sling on the train. I took my sling off when I got to Dean Street. I sat cradling my arm as I sucked through a straw on a big juicy juice. I didn't kiss my host, he...

Parisian Plaster. ( 9 March 2015)

22 days ago I went head over teakettle. The morning had gone spankingly well. I had meditated the sun was sining on the white, white, frost and I got dressed early to go for a solo walk . Down the...

A day in the life (21 February 2015)

February 21st. Snow. Big globular melting drops. Scrambled eggs - just the one. So it should read Scrambled egg. Coffee designed by the old git. The attic awaits. Yesterday. No sleep at all. 5.00 o'clock start. 5.40 taxi. Big Polish...

TD ( 4 February 2015)

It started out as a bit of a catch up, but by 4.35 this morning all eight episodes of True Detective had been watched, stored, logged and discussed. I went to bed with images of Matthew McCooouhannhunhgy and Woooolie Harrolscombe...

Pyjama Games. (20 January 2015)

I don't ever remember my father wearing pyjamas. My mother, however, wore little nightdresses that started out white but after successive mixed washes went either pink or grey. Each Christmas my mother would buy me a new pair of pj's...

2015 (16 January 2015)

alarm - buzzy noise, forgot to tune it to the radio Yoga. Gawd blimey two days off and I'm like the Tin Man - where's the oil? Veg soup - homemade. Big chunks of this and that. Chilies, ginger ,...

Year of the Goat (31 December 2014)

The fire is blazing, the telly silent till 'Mapp and Lucia', one cat asleep in the red bean bag, the other perched on top of the sofa. Emmy growls. Solly stares at her and she moans like an old wart...

Christmas Cheer (22 December 2014)

Penultimate yoga class this morning. I've just read that Yoga does nothing for aging. Interesting if you put 'for' and 'aging' together you get FORAGING aint that what you do when you get older. A bit of a forage here...

Pj Sunday (14 December 2014)

November came and went. Parties, voice overs, writing and cooking. Not a lot of walking - I'm sooooo lazy at the moment. Meditating, yoga and film watching. Went to see PADDINGTON in Brighton. We all cried. The dawters gigs. Squash...

Stepping out. (27 November 2014)

The old man made me a cafétier of coffee. Right nice it was. Then I added the last dregs and it was thick, sour and horrid and nearly wiped away the delectable first taste. All was not lost, on the...

Soggy Sunday (23 November 2014)

The first of the Bafta films have arrived. By 1.30a.m. we had watched two. 'Jimmy's Hall' Ken Loaches latest offering. Based on a true story of a free thinking man, it tells the tale of sectarian politics in Southern Ireland...

O A PLEASE. (19 November 2014)

And now I have finally re-entered the world. Been strange, tricky, but with the help of homeopaths, witchy healers, friends and the old man I'm feeling more grounded. There's something about this ageing stuff that makes me panic. The light...

Made in Dagenham ( 6 November 2014)

I thought it said 7.30. We left the cottage at 5.00. When I read the card again it said be seated by 6.45 Show starts promptly at 7.00. The 'oosbind then drove like Sterling Moss, Jason Button and Lewis Hamilton...

Potatis Bravas ( 1 November 2014)

5.30 and its dark outside. The moon is half hanging in a big sky. The telly is burbling on in the background, whilst the old man is mending a pair of my favourite trousers. I collected my little red car...

Homely sweet homely (23 October 2014)

There is an air of suspended animation. Leaves clogging up the path. Apples dropping off the trees. Overgrown Basil and green tomatoes. This mornings breakfast Brussel Sprouts, the last tiny courgette, all the overgrown Basil the last few kale leaves...

autumn leaves (16 October 2014)

Paracetamol, did the trick. Who knew? Paracetamol and three trips to my wonderful cranial osteopath. Three trips and then I was back to hot yoga. 36º then 39º and higher. For the first three classes my left thigh was so...

Coccyx Capers ( 5 October 2014)

The fight with the bathroom floor started to take its toll. The pain in my right thigh was so persistant I had to take painkillers. Two trips to the osteopath, and the agony had only subsided a little. I had...

Susie, John and Eric ( 5 October 2014)

How do you spend a day in the presence of baking royalty? You eat, thats what you do. Not a lot, you don't eat a lot, but you eat enough to know that what has been put in front of...

Omar, Michael & Peter ( 5 October 2014)

And so Thursday arrived, 6 more meals to eat and before the end of the day Scotland was looking at Independence. I wasn't sure which way I wanted it to go. I am so bad with change, but there is...

Omar, Michael & Peter ( 5 October 2014)

And so Thursday arrived, 6 more meals to eat and before the end of the day Scotland was looking at Independence. I wasn't sure which way I wanted it to go. I am so bad with change, but there is...

Matt, Christian and Sarah. (29 September 2014)

Wednesday morning arrived, and I climbed into the awaiting taxi. I declined breakfast knowing I was about to eat a full on roast and an American style Christmas courtesy of Matt Tebbutt and Christian Stephenson. I decided, because of my...

Lotteeeee, Shelina and Wayne (25 September 2014)

So I climbed out of bed at 7.00, walked into the wet room, used up the little bottles of Miller Harris, put in the lenses, creamed the old visage and arrived into reception at 7.45 to meet the taximan. Day...

Theo, Lisa and Wayne (24 September 2014)

I now have the use of my limbs. After six days of eating, drinking and making merry my body felt like it had been under Paul Hollywood's rolling pin. Shooting THE TWELVE CHEFS OF CHRISTMAS, otherwise known as the 12...

That Old Devil Moon ( 7 September 2014)

Saturday was re-organised so that the printer man could come and fix my printer. I hadn't accounted for the Pisces Harvest Moon working her devilment and reeking havoc. I had planned to mow the lawn but decided I may not...

printer problems ( 5 September 2014)

so the printer died. I bought a new one. It has totally screwed my computer settings and the geezer who sold it to me has still not arrived to set it up. After a night in A&E with nosebleeds, that's...

Bank Holiday drizzle (25 August 2014)

There are those days when rain wraps you in a shawl of languor. Time stops. The only movement the dipping, dripping leaves. The silence is heavy with clock ticks and rain drops. King Solomon is licking his fur and the...

Berries in the hedgerow (21 August 2014)

I went to yoga. 7 in the class. A tattooed woman who should know better, a Polish woman with a long plait that is going to be teaching next term, two women who are of my age but without the...

Eye for an Eye (20 August 2014)

My left eye has a lens for distance and my right for reading. I am writing this wearing a pair of magnifying glasses I bought in the opticians. I can't read the prescription because if I take them off the...

Juicing in the rain. (11 August 2014)

Yoga at 9.30 this morning. I was stiff and tentative haven't bent over double for a week. Walked for an hour to post two birthday cards. My music is on random - I think they call it, so I was...

Spanish Water Dog (19 July 2014)

It felt like we were in Rome. The heat of the sun, 'people watching' from our little table. The Italian café served up a perfect creamy latté and a strong Americano for Gods Gift. Maximus, a Spanish Water dog, settled...

Her Hymn (12 July 2014)

I love Hymns. My mothers favourite was 'To be a Pilgrim'. I loved the rousing chorus of 'Eternal Father', or the ridiculously lush 'I Vow to Thee my Country'. I was invited, aged 15, to play the grand piano in...

The rise of the unaffordable (30 June 2014)

I walked from Clapham South in the sunshine. Through Nappy Valley with their Rolls Royce push-chairs and £2.2 million houses. Past the builders building basements, past the builders building conservatories, past the builders who are putting in loft extensions. All...

Skol (21 June 2014)

The longest day. Midsummer celebrations in Sweden and four of us had a table in the sun in Brighton. In 1976 we took a 'play' to Sweden. From Gothenburg to Uppsala, from Umea to Lund. But not necessarily in that...

Sole food ( 4 June 2014)

I have red ones, blue ones, green ones and beige. Black ones, brown ones, patent ones and suede . I have leather ones, canvas ones, strappy ones and flip-flops, Wedges, sling backs, sandals, pumps, stilettos, boots and clip-clops. I have...

Cow shy (24 May 2014)

The rain, as predicted came down big. I donned socks and thick trainers, a hoodie and leggings, yoga top and sweatshirt, over which I put a lightweight mac. Zipped up and went clockwise out of the drive. 'Go with the...

Mouse ears, what mouse ears? (21 May 2014)

If you lie on your side you will see that these are NOT mouse ears, although I thought they were. Their common name is 'thunder flower' on account of the historical belief that if you picked them you would...

mid may (20 May 2014)

Nettles, ferns, bluebells and mouse ears. Olive green, emerald green, silvery green and dark green. Silver car, silver van, green van and cyclist. The great big oak tree on the corner of my field, pooh corner, so called because of...

Thank you Mr. Lao Tse. (12 May 2014)

If the coffee is too bitter it makes for an uncomfortable chill out. If the room isn't hot enough it makes for a less than thrilling yoga session. If I don't write it makes for a debilitating day. If nobody...

Nul Point (10 May 2014)

Last night I starred in my very own time lapse sequence in a film about insomnia. In the bed. Out the bed. Under the duvet. Over the duvet. Down the stairs. Up the stairs. In the bed. Out the bed....

Black birds screaming in the dead of night. ( 8 May 2014)

So butter wouldn't melt in his mouth, the delicious KING SOLOMON, he with the shiny black coat and white bootees. Then before you could scream SOLLEEEEE NOOOOO he had floored one tiny baby blackbird. I screamed and poked him with...

catch up ( 6 May 2014)

The grey clouds were thin. The only beings out were me and the bids, who were chattering, whistling, squawking and clucking. The view was green, dark greens, emerald greens, light green and that silvery green that shines on the back...

In Somnia ( 3 May 2014)

Okay so its 04.51a.m. on Saturday May 3rd. I can't sleep. The old git can't sleep. Both cats can't sleep. The birds are singing and my left side is cold. The right side seems to be still warm from all...

nearly May (22 April 2014)

The last petals from the Magnolia tree have fallen. They brown at the edges, curling up the last of their pinkness. The primroses have outgrown their flowers and the little blue forget-me-nots are now taking over. I have got bulbs...

Spinning jeni (12 April 2014)

Two weeks have gone so quickly. BBC Sussex and BBC Surrey is a joy to work on. Yesterday, though I got up at 6.15, and the room started spinning. Sat down. It kept on spinning. Went to the bathroom, followed...

C Crackered ( 3 April 2014)

its just gone half past four. I sat in front of the telly eating my lunch, when the phone went. Trotted upstairs to discuss something I'd written and hours later have just resurfaced. Drove to pick up a letter from...

Maneuvering ( 2 April 2014)

You know how you put it off - we call it washing the label off the whiskey bottle. When you need to deadline some writing, shopping, cooking, hoovering, washing, dusting, reading, whateva! When you have deadlines and you don't want...

Vacuum packed ( 1 April 2014)

After the show I walked along the seafront. FAST. Sun shining. Lots of dogs. A smily kind of day. We had talked about smoking, bullying, Butlins in Bognor Regis, the price of England's football shirt - £90 - and we...

birthday beginnings (22 March 2014)

Jeni and Olly's west Coast Wine adventure is on the Travel Channel. I can't tell you the number because we're all different. BUT They are repeating it andrepeating it, so you will, with determination and patience find it. I am...

Rump Steak to boot...... (16 March 2014)

And so the birthday celebrations begin. Today we went out for lunch in our local pub. Instead of sitting outside in 20º sun we sat inside with several intergenerational families, and were served by two rather splendid women. I should...

95.3 & 104.5 - 104.8 FM Radio Sussex (10 March 2014)

BBC SUSSEX & BBC SURREY is my next job. Three weeks from march 31st. on 95.3 FM. 104.5 - 104.8 FM The radio station is five minutes walk from the sea. I left at 8.30 this morning for a meet...

Last days of chocolate…. ( 8 March 2014)

New mown grass. Solly smells of fresh air and the garden. In and out of the cat flap. He's finally found his way. I had to have a bath after me pruning, pulling, poking, cutting and mowing. My back couldn't...

Sad Solly (25 February 2014)

The senior cat is outside somewhere. The infant cat is on the black blanket on top of the sofa. He had his wee nuts nuked last Thursday. Went like a mad thing all Friday. Then he stopped. Just stopped. Lay...

Hot Stuff (19 February 2014)

Did the trailer for JENI AND OLLY'S WEST COAT WINE TRAIL. It's happening first week in March on The Travel Channel, I think you may like it. I had to cancel it twice because of the weather. Then finally we...

saturday afternoon (15 February 2014)

Hot Yoga in Tunbridge wells is my chosen de-stresser. In a little purpose built studio a minimum of 36º is pumped out. When it gets to 39º I am at my happiest. It's not Bikram, 30 minutes shorter, but the...

Solly (11 February 2014)

On the table. Off the table. In the Yukka. Off the Yukka. Up my leg. Down my leg. In the daffodill jug. Over with the daoffodills. On the chair. Off the chair. I'm trying to write. Solly is being kitten,...

Dream, dream, dream ( 6 February 2014)

So lets have the discussion. At what age should we give up on a dream? Is it ever appropriate to remove dreams from the landscape of our lives? I never dreamt I wanted to be broadcaster. As with so much...

Wade in the water ( 3 February 2014)

The weather is not grey it's a whitish charcoal. The cat is not sat on the mat but on his cardigan on the corner of the table. A new generation artist is playing Bach in E flat major on the...

Arcola 2 (24 January 2014)

So last night I went to THE ARCOLA THEATRE in HACKNEY to see the thespianstic spouse give about two minutes and the rest of the cast much more. The second of the Spanish plays, with blood and gore and a...

Speed awareness…. (20 January 2014)

The freezer broke. So him and me looked at the internet, had three rows after which we decided on a little under the counter jobby. We agreed to have it delivered yesterday. Couldn't do Saturday because he had two shows...

Transylvanian pin up. (16 January 2014)

Jim says I look like - hold on a minute he's thinking - a Transylvanian Inn keeper. You know one of those women in a dark unholy place who runs the bar like a prison, that when you go in...

Rapunzle ( 7 January 2014)

The roof tiles are groaning - enough with the wind already. The kittycat is sleeping on the chair opposite me, I'm trying to get him used to the attic. Sue has been and gone, the house is spick and span....

New Years Eve, (31 December 2013)

So the wind and rain have become constant bedfellows down 'ere in roooral Sussex. The bins are out, the bottles are out, the black bin bags are out, and now we await the bin men, who given the set of...

Christmas tired (28 December 2013)

Ten days since my last post. Hmm last post!! Christmas was full of people, impromptu meals, visitors and far too much of everything. Two bottles of Gammel Dansk were brought down to a hailing, blowing, hurricane of an evening, by...

The North wind doth blow (18 December 2013)

The north wind doth blow and we shall have no…. trains So what will poor Jeni do then poor thing She'll sit in the bath And keep herself warm And hide her head under her wing Poor thing. Talk about...

Old Pots…. (17 December 2013)

I've been juggling the senior cats dish with the junior kittens bowl. Solly runs up to Emmy who hisses. She comes and watches as he eats from HER dish and hisses. So I pick up the ten week old, who...

King Solomon's mine. (13 December 2013)

It's 2.30 am. The night is very dark, the moon is three quarters full and I am preparing for the invasion of a tyrannical kitten called Solly. King solomon to give him his full title. The saga began last Sunday....

Candle fright ( 3 December 2013)

So living alone, as I do at the moment, I decided on little rituals to keep the wolf in the garden. Jimbo does not get back from Bath until the 23rd, and I'm busy popping up here and there with...

Happy days (28 November 2013)

so its a happy Chanukah AND Thanksgiving. Happy to be alive - however tricky. Happy t ohave friends - however distant. Happy to have a family - however scattered. Happy to have my health -however croaky Happy to have a...

Woof Woof (18 November 2013)

Can't blame my exhaustion on jet-lag, but can blame it on crazy schedule and deaths. I'e been trying to rock myself to sleep by intoning the San Franciscan itinerary, but I get lost with all the drive-bys and hotel changes....

second leg ( 3 November 2013)

I'm waiting for my boarding card to be printed. Gods Gift is in the studio sorting out the finances, the dawter and bestie are at the shops buying food for the Sunday Roast, I have a pile of clothes with...

No LINKS PLEASE (25 October 2013)

TO ALL MY LOVELY BLOGGERS Any comment that includes a LINK will go to junk. I have been getting so many cheap advertisers from China etc. using my website, its been a nightmare. My lovely web-man has worked his magic...

Jeni and Olly get J'olly in Oregon. (22 October 2013)

The clock is ticking it's 01.18 That and the cats purring is the only sound in the cottage. My body seems to have dealt with the jet-lag remarkably well. I didn't take my lap-top with me and writing on my...

Bingo wings (10 October 2013)

Calling all the Wealdon Ladies, all the Wealdon sung to the tune of Beyoncé. I had no wish to offend, if I did then I'm sorry. I admit my bingo wings were a wobbling along with everybody else. In fact...

Reality Check ( 1 October 2013)

'LEAVE REALITY AT HOME' Boomed the voice/over at the cinema. So I left the cat, the washing, the un-shopped shopping-list, the three apple trees that are so heavy with fruit the branches are trailing on the uncut lawn. I left...

Reality Check ( 1 October 2013)

'LEAVE REALITY AT HOME' Boomed the voice/over at the cinema. So I left the cat, the washing, the un-shopped shopping-list, the three apple trees that are so heavy with fruit the branches are trailing on the uncut lawn. I left...

Norse code (25 September 2013)

Back in the day when I lived in Battersea, seems like million years ago now, I used to shop in The Native American emporium on The Kings Road, I bought bits to satisfy my Crancological life style. I amassed bracelets,...

THE STING (24 September 2013)

This morning I sat in at Radio Kent. Left the cottage at 7.30, arrived at 7.45. Sipped on a mug of hot water made for me by the delightful Claire. Recorded an interview with a 20 year old who saved...

Visa Vee (20 September 2013)

it's 18 minutes past 2.00 and I'm still in my winceyette pj's. I've been diving into my days since the last programme - which as many of you know was extremely emotional. It was also indulgent, funny, spirited, busy, musical,...

Lillie McCloud (13 September 2013)

Two days to go and my life, as I know it, changes irrevocably. The pattern of my life has been shifting and changing since 2010. Four and half year phases predominated. Then LBC put pay to that. Three and a...

looming swansong (10 September 2013)

My last show looms. How kind many of you are for sending me supportive messages. How unkind some of you have been. Doesn't help to be attacked. of course I feel vulnerable, and yes your nasty comments do pierce my...

Blackberry Hill. ( 3 September 2013)

Little blue shorts and purple vest thingy, my trainers and a hair clip. Yesterday I went to my brilliant beautician, who I have been seeing for 23 years, and spent an hour and a half having all my naughty bits...

Lantern lunacy (31 August 2013)

1 o'clock and my body has finally been addressed. On the last day of August I have begun again. I'm playing the Bee Gees in tomorrows show just so's you know. I Snarky Puppied round the houses. Taking in the...

3 score years and 10 (28 August 2013)

I should have taken pictures but I was too busy cooking, chopping, slicing, grilling, boiling, frying, seasoning and tasting I couldn't fit in taking pics as well. The 'oosbinds 70th was going to be mammoth. It all began last Thursday....

One year on. (19 August 2013)

Tomorrow is the anniversary of the death of my mother. One year ago I was travelling to Ibiza for The Groucho Club. This year I am sitting in for Vanessa Feltz at Radio London. Tomorrow I will light a Yahrtzeit...

Strictly no Dancing (13 August 2013)

What a strange old time. My feet and fingers are cold. I'm wearing my mothers old cardigan, pink wooly socks and my flannelette pyjama trousers. It must be AUTUMN setting in. I'm going into the vegetable patch to pick a...

Radio Kent ( 7 August 2013)

It's Wednesday evening. The window is open and there's the distant buzz of an aeroplane flying to Gatwick. God's Gift has just watered the garden and I'm sitting in the attic xorsted. Depping at Radio Kent. A splendid activity. Tomorrow...

SUNDAY AUGUST 4th ( 3 August 2013)

JOIN ME FOR MORE SUNDAY BANTER. 9-12 on Radio London 94.9 this August 4th - tell me you favourite ice-cream and why. Where would you most like to lick it.....not the cornet, silly, the location. And your oldest friend stories....

God bless the Child (31 July 2013)

Interesting deeeebate. See if the powers that be valued creativity then we wouldn't be in such a mess. Thems that know say when culture gets marginalised, and takes a battering then Society is on a hiding to nothing. 'Scroungers' are...

Hobby Horse (30 July 2013)

Well Poppy Reed, what an interesting concept that a parent needs to guide a child away from her her chosen profession and into a career. So being a musician is not a career then Poppy, or is a career for...

Misty clouds and thunderstorms (27 July 2013)

7.15 and it feels like midnight in Tibet. The sky is heavy, the thunder a rumbling over the fields and misty clouds are settling on the tree tops. It's been one of them days. I listened to Russel Brand yesterday...

Cambridge Circus (23 July 2013)

I've polished my table so now it has a good shine and my room smells of carnauba wax, beeswax and essential oils. I've thrown away loads of paper and detritus that has accumulated, I'm ready for work. For the last...

Heat Wave (13 July 2013)

Before we had the heat-wave I was walking 'vigorously' round the houses. The light was moody and so was I. Jim started rehearsing and all of a sudden the smell of summer was in the air. I walked and...

That was the weeks that was (11 July 2013)

I have been in and out of the sun. Television on all the time with Wimbledon balls being whacked out over the sitting room rug. The dawter BB.James, was feautured on Radio 1, and Gods Gift started rehearsing last week....

U Turns (26 June 2013)

I set my alarm for 5.00 Wrote it on my head three times and fell asleep having seen BEYOND THE CANDELABRA in Uckfield Picture House. My writing partner is staying until Saturday and we are tweeking and creating in the...

yukety yuk yuk (22 June 2013)

The tree tops are swaying in the wind, they look like despondent, manic rag dolls. The rain is raining. The wind is blowing. My feet are freezing. I can hear the television from two floors down. Thursday lunch in a...

10 days that shook the world (19 June 2013)

From Devon to Wiltshire, from Wiltshire to Bristol to home. It's 5.20 in the morning of Wednesday 19th of June. I spent yesterday in the garden, this morning was going outside to enjoy the fruits of my labour and do...

JUNE 9TH ( 8 June 2013)

Tomorrows show will be comic, serious and extremely entertaining. Call me if you want to talk about autism and wild life gardening. 0207 224 2000 Rob Deering, Niamh Cusack, Kate Williams and Kate Bradbury. Brilliant guests/ But I Can't do...

5 Rites - Right.... ( 7 June 2013)

This is for Angela and all of you who want to remain young forever and ever and ever. You can get books on THE TIBETAN FIVE, you can find the exercises on the internet. The story I heard was that...

Hiya ( 5 June 2013)

It has been a very, very long week. I am missing writing Potty Politics. I haven't even started on my next project. I am having headaches trying to make an idea work. The sun is out and all I want...

Wedded Blitz (26 May 2013)

23.32 and I'm using my personal hotspot. I didn't know what it meant either, but my personal husband showed me, in a very up close and personal way, how to turn on my settings, hit the on switch and open...

Naughty gee-gee (17 May 2013)

A pot of liquorice tea next to me. Fennel and tarragon soup made and ready to eat. It's a delicate pea green. Or should I say its a delicate fennel green - no because the bulb is white. Red Thai...

Keep off me Groyne. (16 May 2013)

I did all me bits and left the house at 9.30. The weather looked kind so I didn't take a coat, although in case of inclement cock-ups I've got a gardening jacket in the boot I picked up for five...

Joni's call. (13 May 2013)

I couldn't get 'Snarky Puppy' up today, something went wrong with my itunes so I decided to walk through the houses, past the school, left past the police station and right up to Chapel Green. past the church, right down...

Gorse Code (11 May 2013)

The wind is up. But that didn't stop us putting on the old anoraks and going to King Standing, where we always walked Jackson. The dawter left at 10.00. Taking her life and music with her. I'm struggling, at...

Radio Kent (10 May 2013)

I woke this morning just before the alarm. Did me Tibetan 5, got dressed, ate an avocado and left at 7.20. Even with tractors and rush hour traffic I still arrived on time at 7.30... Parked my car in the...

Windswept ( 9 May 2013)

I went to bed at 4.00 and bang on 7.15 my body clock went off. I wanted to eat the pillows and stuff the duvet in my ears. I got up anyway and did my Tibetan 5. Meditated for long...

Mr. Cat ( 8 May 2013)

Unbelievably I didn't get up till 11.00. this morning. The weather did not entice me out of the bed. My only excuse is that I didn't go to bed till very late having been energised by MERRILY WE ROLL ALONG....

Donkey work ( 6 May 2013)

Every time I run/walk I wonder whether to bother to write this blog anymore. I go through a whole paranoid journey of not being wanted, being boring, being too old for this malarky. I run through why I should or...

Tools at the ready (27 April 2013)

Idiot alert. Wind flowers ARE not WOOD SORREL . Wind flowers are WOOD ANEMONES. From now on my days as a botanist are numbered!. Update on the puppy: Gods Gift has gone and got himself a job. Nine months of...

Wind flowers (25 April 2013)

So I realised that when a blogger blogs they need to be accurate. I have been merrily running past the little white flowers believing them to be aconite. They are crowding the verges and filling the hedgerows. They are NOT...

Wild garlic (21 April 2013)

Sometimes I wonder whether walking in the country isn't the most boring thing in the world. No people. No madness. No River. No London. And then the sun comes out and baaam! The palest of yellow primroses have completely overtaken...

Boston. (16 April 2013)

The Boston Bombing had me turning away from the television screen 'Some of you may find the images disturbing' said Sophie the newsreader. It wasn't so much the images I found disturbing as the incredulity of fifteen seconds of devastation...

Boston. (16 April 2013)

The Boston Bombing had me turning away from the television screen 'Some of you may find the images disturbing' said Sophie the newsreader. It wasn't so much the images I found disturbing as the incredulity of fifteen seconds of devastation...

Death at the Ritz (10 April 2013)

I have finally mowed the lawn. Cleared the woodshed. My mothers three plants have just about survived the coldest of times. although I'm not too happy about the Rosemary. I have taught the old man how to make soup, and...

Easter Sunday (30 March 2013)

I have written all my thank you letters, thank you. My birthday was simply lovely. Brighton lunch, and flowers all over the kitchen. This morning I am a week older than last Sunday. Being 64 is really rather good. My...

When I'm 64 (24 March 2013)

I was shamed into writing this by the delicious Jamie kelsey Fry, who graced my show this morning. Megan and Louise wrote a book about teenagers, and equipped themselves so well as did my last guest Robbie Hance, who sung...

watch wiv muvver 10 (18 March 2013)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yh9eLZH6vA Miss de Mina goes to bed. Please share her views. Mak her viral. enjoy Watch wiv muvver 10 yawn.........

St. Patricks Day (15 March 2013)

What a show we have for you on St. Patricks Day. Great music and the sharp as you like Amanda Ramsay, from Labour Uncut who is my paper reviewer. Anna and Andrew Wallas 'have written a book entitled Call off...

Beduin Blues (12 March 2013)

The snow has melted on the tree tops but its still a crunchy walk to the studio. Yesterday couldn't get into town for the theatre as all the trains were frozen to the tracks. Today I was meant to be...

Zumba or my Lumber ( 8 March 2013)

The old git drove me to the garage. £582 pounds later the delightful Alex, who has half a head of long hair and half a head of short - fashionable it is I'm told - laughed as she wondered how...

please share. watch wiv muvver 8 ( 1 March 2013)

Dear friends and neighbours Here we are with #Potty Politics. Miss de Mina talks dirty. She would be most grateful if you could spread her around a bit please. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Wd-oiociko Do feel free to watch the uvver 7 watch wiv...

THE PORT HOUSE (27 February 2013)

Thick socks, dungarees, t-shirt, sweater, a thick wooly scarf, massive puffy anorak, and I was still freezing my buns off. Gods Gift drove me to the station for the 8.00 train. 'Sorry love none of your old lady passes work...

Governmental dumping (21 February 2013)

The tops of the fir trees are swaying in the cold wind, the air around my feet is chilly. Have to eat. Have to walk. Have to write. Who says? The prospect of all three does not fill me with...

Governmental dumping (21 February 2013)

The tops of the fir trees are swaying in the cold wind, the air around my feet is chilly. Have to eat. Have to walk. Have to write. Who says? The prospect of all three does not fill me with...

WATCH WIV MUVVER 7 (21 February 2013)

Dear All, Herewith Ms De Mina marching ever onwards. Please do feel free to Watch Wiv Muvver 7 And share it with everybody. retweet, facebook and email. thanks http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Avps4bCDABE&feature=youtu.be...

Sunday 17th February (16 February 2013)

What interesting piece of history have you uncovered from your family's deep and dark past. Or what don't you know? Tune in after 10am and talk to our expert and hear actress Samantha Womack's (Janus) story about when she delved...

Lapsang Soupong (11 February 2013)

Year of The Snake started yesterday. As the rain tumbled down, turned to sleet, then snow, I talked with Jeremy Phang abut this year coming up. He said what all the generic websites say that soon we will be reaping...

Sunday february 10th. The year of the snake ( 7 February 2013)

Arguments at work – Have you ever had to tell someone they’re not good at their job? How do you solve workplace disputes? Is email the way to go if you want to complain about someone’s behaviour? Or does a...

watch wig muvver 5 ( 2 February 2013)

Dear all, please pass it round Miss De Mina goes bang. pottypolitics. Share it if you can. xx http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8W1Qos4x-hg&list=HL1359829534&feature=mh_lolz...

Lily of the Valley ( 1 February 2013)

On with my airport socks, muddy trainers, shorts, purple jogging vest, that was so tight I was up to my neck in chest, a shrunken grey cardigan and a thin, yellow fancy anorak, with a front pocket for my smart...

februry 3rd (31 January 2013)

Romance is on my mind. Hypnotherapist, Trevor Silvester, will be talking about lurve, lurve and more lurve. Richard Johnson will talk about aphrodisiacs and you will tell me the first romantic meal you ever cooked for you partner. Mine was...

It's no Yoke. (29 January 2013)

Started out, shorts, trainers, sox, Ferrarri running top, got to the pub, the rain piercing into me, my spectacles needed windscreen wipers, turned round again, I was frigging freezing, and heres me thinking the temperature had gone up. Clearly I...

Watch wiv muvver 4 you (25 January 2013)

http://youtu.be/MN7Uv1yyckU Miss De Mina shares her views on the eurocrisis wiv watch wiv muvver 4 you....

Sinday 27th (25 January 2013)

Join me on BBC LONDON 94.9 from 9-12 and Talk to me. Apart from music and Ella Kenyon, delicious actress and comedienne, I am asking you WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE EVER HAD. And to commemorate Holocaust...

Sunday and snow (24 January 2013)

Dear all, I haven't been out of the house since Sunday. Just walked to the studio and the snow crunched under my feet. I had on silver slippers inside Jim's charity shop blue crocs. They are rubbery and disgusting. Have...

watch wiv muvver free!!! (22 January 2013)

Hello children everywhere. Here's another story for you to watch wiv muvver. Please keep viewing and I'll keep doing. ENJOY http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yAVXkAraMI&list=HL1358871493 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nk3IwjXTnas&list=HL1358871493 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvEQUA6skTg&list=HL1358871493 Bye bye children everywhere....

Snowbound (20 January 2013)

Snow, snow and even more snow. I opted to be driven into town by the dawter yesterday afternoon, fearing I wouldn't make it on the roads this morning. We talked as the car slushed through the snow. Not a lot...

Sunday January 20th. (15 January 2013)

Lucy Siegle – Has been Green for years. She talks about it, makes films about it, writes about it and is generally a good old green egg. She is reviewing my papers this Sunday January 20th. 9-12 on BBC London...

Deliciously wicked. (13 January 2013)

My homeopath gave me remedies for my gloom and blood sugar. After three days I felt completely different. She gave me SUGAR - i.e. treated like with like. Now I know a homeopathic remedy is not the same as taking...

Deliciously wicked. (13 January 2013)

My homeopath gave me remedies for my gloom and blood sugar. After three days I felt completely different. She gave me SUGAR - i.e. treated like with like. Now I know a homeopathic remedy is not the same as taking...

WATCH WIV MUVVER (12 January 2013)

Just made my first you tube WATCH WIV MUVVER. Have a look. remember tomorow we're taking food waste and autisim and living under the kosh. join me LONDON 94.9...

WATCH WIV MUVVER (12 January 2013)

Just made my first you tube WATCH WIV MUVVER. Have a look. remember tomorow we're taking food waste and autisim and living under the kosh. join me LONDON 94.9...

SUNDAY JANUARY 13TH (10 January 2013)

I have SOPHIE WALKER on the show this Sunday January 13th, at 9.00a.m. Sophie Walker's daughter Grace was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, Fighting off a prescription for anti-depressants, Sophie decided to go for a run. Running changed her so she...

SUNDAY JANUARY 13TH (10 January 2013)

I have SOPHIE WALKER on the show this Sunday January 13th, at 9.00a.m. Sophie Walker's daughter Grace was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, Fighting off a prescription for anti-depressants, Sophie decided to go for a run. Running changed her so she...

In Hot Water ( 9 January 2013)

Thank you all for your comments on Sundays show. Esther is back, I'm back, the show is back, and there's more this Sunday. When I know what it is you'll be the second to know. The dawter - Ms BB...

Esther's Return ( 6 January 2013)

The fog was foggy and the air damp. I left at 6.45. I filled up with petrol and decided that I would drive in for my first show back with the brilliant Esther Stanhope. Normally I listen to Radio 2...

Thursday already ( 3 January 2013)

You cannot eat two baked potatoes, cream cheese, smoked salmon and two chocolates and expect your blood to be clean. SO This morning I bit the bullet, as opposed to the fresh French Baguette in the bread bin. Put on...

Honesty ( 2 January 2013)

If I sit with my back to the radiator facing East, the sun shines directly into my eyes. Sitting cross legged for 30 minutes and my hips are still holding up. This morning I put 'Snarky Puppy' in my ears,...

Honesty ( 2 January 2013)

If I sit with my back to the radiator facing East, the sun shines directly into my eyes. Sitting cross legged for 30 minutes and my hips are still holding up. This morning I put 'Snarky Puppy' in my ears,...

Blank Cards. ( 1 January 2013)

I've just pulled two blank Angel cards. I shuffled the pack and kept my emotions at bay. I thought I might get 'abundance' or 'light' but TWO blank ones turned up. So now I know my future is in my...

Blank Cards. ( 1 January 2013)

I've just pulled two blank Angel cards. I shuffled the pack and kept my emotions at bay. I thought I might get 'abundance' or 'light' but TWO blank ones turned up. So now I know my future is in my...

Happy Christmas. (24 December 2012)

The turkey, goose, ham, bacon and sausage meat is packed into Jim's shed and the fridge. The presents are wrapped under the tree. I am slowly working my way through all the Bafta films, ready for the first round of...

Snarky Puppy Pace (20 December 2012)

No need for an alarm any more since I wake early enough to decide whether to stay in bed or get up in the dark. This morning I awoke at 7.07. Didn't hear the rain, but decided to meditate first...

Talk to me.... (19 December 2012)

I have loadsa music on my smart phone. I travelled back from London listening to Sax Appeal. All riffy and raunchy. Makes the journey go by in a flash.. After doing the Evening Standard crossword I was thinking about the...

listen to jeni barnett on bbc london 94.9 (17 December 2012)

So here is the news - BBC style - the brilliant Esther is back with the show for three months, taking nothing away from other lovely producers of course, but Esther birthed me at the Beeb..... January, February and March...

Tea Towels at the ready, (11 December 2012)

And so it is official I am still with BBC London 94.9. Let me tell you the relief merited an almond milk latte and a gluten free cherry cake. My inability to trust the process of the Universe has been...

Hurrah for kale ( 2 December 2012)

It has been far too long. Far too long rummaging through the boxes and drawers of my past. This morning I took the 7.19 train from Sevenoaks. The drive to the station was slow and cautious. The frost as thick...

The end of The First week of November (10 November 2012)

I ate an Italian meal alone. Not a good look, since Italians are all about family and conviviality. Still I had an appointment at 4.00 and had to fill three hours until 'OUR BOYS' at the Duchess Theatre in the...

Scrubbing ( 8 November 2012)

Sleeping is easier since I pulled the suitcases from the top of the wardrobe, emptied my bookshelves, removed all the Jewellery boxes from the side of the bed and took down paintings that I had grown out of. But last...

Eyrie...... ( 8 November 2012)

So the leaves on the lawn have created a damp carpet of bronze. Jim and I have been changing the cottage round, and have trodden thousands of wet leaves into the soft lawn. Apparently it's been the wettest year since...

Clearing (25 October 2012)

I haven't even the energy to write my journals. After 35 years I'm finding it tricky to find the time. Meditating is eluding me and the little broken toe has made exercise almost impossible. The space clearing exercise was so...

Autumn Greens. (15 October 2012)

A pair of green socks and a big green woolly sweater to cover my modesty. Th cottage is very quiet, although there is a hiss from the boiler as it heats up the radiators. It is chilly. A sharp, October...

Fly Renée Fly. (11 October 2012)

I managed to get a boot over my left toe. I had been to see Helen, who rearranged my body. She released my twisted gut which meant I could finally breathe. Which I have been doing, deeply, all day. My...

Time and Tide..... (10 October 2012)

Where is it going? I can't remember September and October has already been and done ten days of itself. My little broken toe is ailing. I keep walking int0 wardrobes and chair legs. I keep howling with pain and yelping...

The stuff of dreams. (29 September 2012)

I have spent the last four days in London. I stayed on the fourth floor at the Groucho club. 70 steps up the windy staircase into my pristine little room. I set up my computer and telephone charging equipment, unpacked...

The Dolphin will have to wait. (20 September 2012)

So let me tell you what the stress has done? I have lost two sets of earplugs for my phone. I have been rude to two very old friends. I have spent more money on food than the entire downstairs...

9/11 The Downs. (12 September 2012)

12/9. 12.44. 22 days later and 24.00 hours after the event. THE SETTING SUN in Brighton saw 50 odd people - and some of us were decidedly odd - eating and drinking to Renée Barnett. For the last twenty two...

Max and my Ma. ( 1 September 2012)

Mr first sacking was back in 1988. I read out a letter on TVam about David Steel and David Owen....It was ten days before the General Election and I didn't now about the Representation of Peoples Act. Each political party...

Lost and found (28 August 2012)

I'm drinking brandy, Jim is playing Steely Dan, and my tears have stopped for now. My sincerest thank you's for your commiserations. My mother is having s humanist funeral. Jim has spent two days making a slide show of my...

Lost and found (28 August 2012)

I'm drinking brandy, Jim is playing Steely Dan, and my tears have stopped for now. My sincerest thank you's for your commiserations. My mother is having s humanist funeral. Jim has spent two days making a slide show of my...

A Burnt Toast to my Mother. (24 August 2012)

So I now have a running order. The cremation takes place on September 11th at 12.25. Sybil, my soothsayer in Hollywood, said she'll go off with a bang. Who'd have thought we would ever make jokes about 9/11 let alone...

The End. (20 August 2012)

I was wearing all black. A strapless bra so that my top would reveal my shoulders which are brown from gardening. A pair of black balloon trousers over fancy pants. I had a small red case. Two books and my...

Ten days that shook the world. (17 August 2012)

Where to begin. My trip down to South West of England started inauspiciously. I had stayed overnight with my writing partner, LSM. Her little West Hampstead flat is terrific, only I couldn't sleep. I was like a time lapse film...

Raindrops keep falling on my Mic. ( 5 August 2012)

So the old man played his ukelele at a party last night. Went out looking like a petrified Jess Conrad. Came home after midnight, a lot after midnight actually. I watched the Olympic haul, cried with Jessica, bawled with Mo...

Sun Day (24 July 2012)

So I stepped out this morning, having mowed the lawn. I wore a red daisy sarong and trainers. God Forbid I had an accident there was no underwear, clean or otherwise, to be seen. I left the cottage my head...

Dieu (14 July 2012)

I wonder whether the Great Bon Dieu understands the irony of old age, he takes away sleep when our bodies are in the need of rest. In my case waking at 2-4-6-a.m. is de rigeur. Insomnia is part of the...

Polish News (12 July 2012)

The sun came out. Took my tiny little stop watch into the garden and turned the wooden chair towards the sun. Meditated for at least half an hour and felt the warmth of the rays going through me. Threw open...

Housewiffery ( 4 July 2012)

Clock ticking. The thwack of a bird on the window pane. It nearly made it into the bedroom. Managed to relaunch after the window pain. . The post now arrives at 10.30. The letter about an idiot woman who banged...

Housewiffery ( 4 July 2012)

Clock ticking. The thwack of a bird on the window pane. It nearly made it into the bedroom. Managed to relaunch after the window pain. . The post now arrives at 10.30. The letter about an idiot woman who banged...

canary wharp ( 1 July 2012)

I have been staying in Canary Wharf. Eleven floors up in a flat with panoramic views over London. The flat is being payed for by an Olympic outfit that have more money than conscience. Drop a towel and its picked...

thanks (19 June 2012)

can I just say that you - and you all know who you are -are so very kind to me. Thank you for your support it really touches me. x...

Queasy jet (19 June 2012)

Arsenicum Alba. Nux Vomica. Every hour. On the hour and by midnight I had kicked some weird bug. I was sick, and felt like a horse had trampled all over me. This morning up at 7.30 to talk the SKY...

Queasy jet (19 June 2012)

Arsenicum Alba. Nux Vomica. Every hour. On the hour and by midnight I had kicked some weird bug. I was sick, and felt like a horse had trampled all over me. This morning up at 7.30 to talk the SKY...

rain rain go away come again some other day. (13 June 2012)

I had an appointment at 1.00. Critical I got there punctually. The rain had steamed up the inside of my little red car. I was lulled into some kind of trance. Chopin playing on the radio. I drove past the...

Brighton Bunting ( 5 June 2012)

I can smell the soup. Onions and garlic. Chinese cabbage. Parsley. Basil. 5 green chilies. 2 Courgettes. Sweated, boiled, simmered, zzuzzhed. We were going to see 'Prometheus', or 'Men in Black', but three star reviews have put me off. So,...

Jubileeeeeeeeeeeeations ( 4 June 2012)

The Jubilee has caused major rifts in the framily. Money versus entitlement. Sentimentality versus brainwashing. Insensitivity versus Patriotism. Party pooping versus collective catharsis. Them versus us. Whitewashing versus National pride. Media pressure versus mass outpouring. And so it goes on....

The Cock (29 May 2012)

THE COCK near Barcombe is the friendliest pub. I asked for all me salad bits plus. The plus was delicious wilted broccoli, if you can wilt a tree, perfectly cooked asparagus and creamy pale avocados. I put my headphones in...

Vanilla Black (28 May 2012)

One piece of Salmon. 8 minutes fried in smoked-kipper-butter. VANILLA BLACK , the veggie restaurant make it. A handful of organic kale, high cook for 5 mins. Smoky butter drizzled over everything. And there we are....

jennifers Joyful snack for Mr. Jennings (22 May 2012)

Mr. Jennings I accept your challenge. Peel the avvos. Slice the avvos. Cut the spinach into thin strips. Chop the tomatoes into little cubes. Add tiny shards of cucumber. Add delicate little moons of red onion. Toss em all in...

jennifers Joyful snack for Mr. Jennings (22 May 2012)

Mr. Jennings I accept your challenge. Peel the avvos. Slice the avvos. Cut the spinach into thin strips. Chop the tomatoes into little cubes. Add tiny shards of cucumber. Add delicate little moons of red onion. Toss em all in...

Asparagasoup (21 May 2012)

Stopped off at the asparagus farm. They have had a rotten yield what with no rain, too much rain, frost and blustery winds. I bought a tall bag of asparagus that had already been tailed. A punnet of strawberries. A...

Asparagasoup (21 May 2012)

Stopped off at the asparagus farm. They have had a rotten yield what with no rain, too much rain, frost and blustery winds. I bought a tall bag of asparagus that had already been tailed. A punnet of strawberries. A...

Chocolat (19 May 2012)

When the cats away the mice gets all upset and twitchy and wonders, sometimes, what's the point of cooking at all if you are sitting alone at the table. However, trips into town can make up for the quietest cottage...

Dr. Spirtle (15 May 2012)

The orchard is beckoning. I fear all the blossom has been scattered from the interminable wind and rain. I wanted to pick handfuls of wild garlic but the clouds glowered in extremis. So I poured some of Flannigans organic oats...

May 12th (12 May 2012)

Nibbled on nuts - wasabi style. Crunched on coleslaw - New York style. Suppered on steamed salmon with lemon slices and rosemary from the garden. Soon I'll I take my seat for THE BRIDGE essential Saturday night viewing with the...

May 12th (12 May 2012)

Nibbled on nuts - wasabi style. Crunched on coleslaw - New York style. Suppered on steamed salmon with lemon slices and rosemary from the garden. Soon I'll I take my seat for THE BRIDGE essential Saturday night viewing with the...

Ochre James Bond style. (10 May 2012)

A handful of ochre. Slice em after topping and tailing them. Yes I know it can be slimy but who cares? Heat up your little frying up, heat it till its hot, nothing in it, just a naked flame under...

Mung bean magic ( 9 May 2012)

Take 400 somethings of mung beans. Put em in the pressure cooker. Bring em to the steam. Turn off the pressure cooker. Let the steam die down. Open the lid. And there you have a pan full of soft green...

Squirrel paté ( 6 May 2012)

I know I slept with a smile on my face. The reason? The old git had come home and we had had a really relaxing evening. However, the perils of living 48 miles away from work, meant I woke at...

00.00 ( 3 May 2012)

The cottage is very quiet. The only sound is the clock ticking behind me. The smell of beeswax furniture polish lingers in the air, I polished the piano. Mr.Crouch, our piano tuner, came with his box of tricks , put...

Well done dawter ( 1 May 2012)

Wettest April since records began eh? My little car braved the wind and the rain as I scuttled back and forth between London and home. This week has been nuts.... The Dawter played her first acoustic gig at The Phoenix...

Parking is not fine (26 April 2012)

Monday was calm. Tuesday was mad. My mother was taken into hospital. I drove down to Brighton giving myself enough time to get there, visit and get back in time to drive into London. At the Cuilfail Tunnel - just...

M O Tears. (12 April 2012)

It is becoming clear to me that Sergei Vasilievich Rachmaninoff is turning into one of my favourite composers. Whether I am walking through rain and mist or driving through the white Birch Trees of Grombridge Woods, Sergei's strings do it...

Lunatic lessons. (10 April 2012)

So, as always, I woke up two minutes before the alarm. I set one on my Bose clock radio over on his side of the room and one on my Cube radio next to my bed. When they go off...

Dig Of The Stump ( 9 April 2012)

Ambiguity rules the day. We want rain for the garden - we got it. We don't want rain for Bank Holiday Monday - we got it. All my terracotta pots need a good watering - we got it. Sitting in...

Theobromine and more.... ( 8 April 2012)

Easter doesn't really mean anything to me as a festival, although I do like the idea that shops must shut on Easter Sunday. And its lovely having Gods Gift and the dawter home for four days. I went to work...

Easter ( 3 April 2012)

One week before Easter. No Easter Eggs. No Simnel cake No chocolate bunnies. No Passover parties. No guests BUT The old man is back from Northampton. So we'll be quibbling, nibbling and dribbling. Thats what happens when you get as...

Keep off the Groynes (27 March 2012)

First I boiled the hot water, poured it into a thermos flask then I popped a Rooibosh teabag into my purse. I made a salad and piled it into a plastic pot with a lid. Then I packed a canvas...

What a difference a day makes. (25 March 2012)

ON FRIDAY I WAS 62 Theclockswentforward8cupcakesweredevouredinthegarden ahugebunchoforangepeacocktulipsandwhitefresiasarrivedfromGodsGift ajugofdelicatepinktulipswereplacedundermynosebyB shealsoboughtmeanewspaperandpacketsofseeds whichAmyRyanmyexpertgardenerplantedasIsatinthedeckchairreadingtheIndependent fourcupcakesfromBwerepastelpinkAmyswerechocolate 3womenandtheirdaughtersplustheoosbindsungHappyBirthday iblewoutthecandlesinthewarmsunshine alotdifferentfromlastyearwhen23drunkenrevellerscelebratedinmyflatinLondon. AND THEN I WAS 63....

Sweeney Good. (21 March 2012)

Imelda Staunton can do no wrong as Mrs Lovett in 'Sweeney Todd'. You may find the music abrasive and discordant, you may find some of the scenes brilliantly gruesome, you may have to sit behind tall people and crouch down...

Lá Fhéile Pádraig Shona duit - (17 March 2012)

The old gits got his new iPad so I can see him when he is away. My idea so that there are no excuses for not having a televised conversation with him once he's laid down his Greek and Spanish...

The Fashionistas Take The Train. (14 March 2012)

Travelling into London on the train with my husband and we discussed our individual wardobes. His shoes were bought, half price, from a shoe factory in Northampton. His socks were a Christmas present. His underpants came from a cheap store...

Dim Sum and some (12 March 2012)

Medication, Medication, Medication. When I saw my mum on Saturday she was still asleep in her chair. She was asleep over lunch, during lunch and still nodding off when we left. Gums, legs, tongue and hand, not a game played...

R.I.C.E. ( 9 March 2012)

Now as hotels go the five star GRANGE TOWER HILL does not get a rosette from me. I knew there would be a less than sensational meal when, having parked the car in the square behind the hotel, I saw...

101 International Womens Days ( 8 March 2012)

I sat on my own foot whilst throwing away envelopes full of defunct accounting from 20 odd years ago. Found letters to me and him from the kid when she was tiny. Telling us how much she loved us, me,...

Cringing in the Rain. ( 7 March 2012)

Last night I went to Somerset House to see a documentary film made by the Fully Focused community. We were all given a postcard on which was writ: 4 months of filming, 60 interviews across the UK, 200 hours of...

Cronealogically speaking: March 3rd ( 4 March 2012)

Cronealogically speaking I should know better. When you get to my age -over the hill, under the weather and round the bend - events should be taken in ones arthritic stride. As an old crone - the definition of which...

Hair raising. (29 February 2012)

I have malachite water, salty water and eyebright water on my bathroom window sill. I am trying whatever I can to make this eye better. I have homeopathic remedies, hospital letters, Dartford healers and a box of tissues. I am...

The right tool for the job. (27 February 2012)

I went into Homebase. A free-standing-shelf-unit was under offer at half price, just the thing for B's new flat. The display model required dismantling before we could take it home. 'HOMEBASE' is a DIY emporium. 'Could it be dismantled'. Jim...

Ladles at dawn (15 February 2012)

We have green grass. We have white snowdrops. We have ferns and trees and lots of little seedy balls hanging about the place which the birds are nibbling on. I can see all these things because the snow has melted....

Fond Farewells. (11 February 2012)

I'm still crunching on the snow. A five minute drive into TWells and you could be forgiven for thinking that the snow was just a figment of my fertile imagination. Massive thanks to LV for your info on malachite. I...

Snowtime ( 7 February 2012)

The snow is crunchy under my wellies. I leave the house and walk to the studio, through the garden, pull off my wellies put on my slippers that Lozzie bought me for the flat, turn the radiator up, switch on...

Dasvedanya ( 1 February 2012)

Yesterday we arrived at my mothers flat at 1.00. God's Gift drove us, we both had bellies full of porridge, he with milk me with water. We didn't eat again until 6.30 when I bought a bag of Cheese and...

Tales of the City (30 January 2012)

Curtis Stiger is singing to me. I love his new album. He came onto the show on Sunday and he sung to me in the studio. I realised that I had my eyes shut for far too long, whilst listening,...

Home from NY (26 January 2012)

New York was sunny. Cold. Snowy. Sunny. Rainy. Noisy. Fabulous. And when I have slept off the jet lag I'll tell you about weddings and oysters, libraries and dragons. Right now I cant keep my eyes opezzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Home from NY (26 January 2012)

New York was sunny. Cold. Snowy. Sunny. Rainy. Noisy. Fabulous. And when I have slept off the jet lag I'll tell you about weddings and oysters, libraries and dragons. Right now I cant keep my eyes opezzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Home fro NY (26 January 2012)

New York was sunny. Cold. Snowy. Sunny. Rainy. Noisy. Fabulous. And when I have slept off the jet lag I'll tell you about weddings and oysters, libraries and dragons. Right now I cant keep my eyes opezzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

24 hours. (14 January 2012)

Last year on January 14th Gods Gift took his bow along with Toby Young, Denise Gough and the rest of the cast of THE PAINTER, which debuted at the new Arcola in Hackney. At 10.10 precisely, the curtain came down...

The First Thursday in January. ( 5 January 2012)

The ending of the spending is in sight. I bought myself a big red page-a-day diary. I bought myself some purple nail varnish. I bought myself some cinnamon capsules. In the middle of which my phone went and I got...

Brighton Rock Not ( 5 January 2012)

The wind is up again. Gusty gusts that make the trees hummmmm. I posted off Susie Pearls book to a friend, it is the best gift to anybody who wants to rearrange their life. I sent it from the little...

Scone Sweet Scone (21 December 2011)

MERRY YULETIDE TO YOU ALL. Have a peaceful holiday. I am working Christmas eve, 3-7 on BBC London. Then sitting in for Vanessa from Boxing Day for a week. Do join me. I dont know about you but this year...

Fruit jobs (10 December 2011)

I look forward to 'Strictly Come Dancing', I really do. I was invited to go today to a recording of the show but family bits got in the way. I like the judges, the music, the costumes and the dancing,...

Umeå Days. ( 8 December 2011)

It's one minute to three in the afternoon but it feels like midnight in Umeå 400 kilometers, which is 248.5 miles South, of the Arctic Circle. Its grey, dark, and the wind has a malevolent whip about it. I'm cosied...

Walking is my drug. (29 November 2011)

Todays soup was leek and potato without the potato, I used flagelot beans instead. I was joined by Allie Stewrat, so called by a misprint, should have read Stewart.... The old man is soldering silver goblets together, they were as...

What a difference a day makes. (21 November 2011)

Well she's in. In Room 12 - 'The same number as my birthday?' she said, yes the same as your birthday, we said. 12th May 1922, born on a doorstep in The East End and been working ever since. My...

It's not Hove actually (17 November 2011)

Everything comes to those who wait and shout the loudest. After months of yelling and compromising, after months of crying and beating my head against a brick telephone finally I have what, we hope, will be a beacon of light...

The Turn of the Screw (13 November 2011)

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the The Wells, your blood sugar rises as high as the heater gauge in your little red car and havoc is reeked. So there I am having my porridge...

This too will Pass ( 8 November 2011)

Vanessa Feltz was unwell. I got the call on Wednesday night. Dressed myself in jeans and jacket and took the early morning train to London Bridge. Mangled brain slowed down for a minute and reminded me to take the Jubilee...

BAD ( 2 November 2011)

The last five days have felt like I've been wearing misty goggles in a wind tunnel, with a too tight boiler suit on and not a lot of light at the end of it, thats the tunnel not my back...

Norwegian Poles. (27 October 2011)

This morning I set my alarm for 7.00 Leapt out of bed, okay teetered out of bed, abluted then dressed in track suit bottoms, two jumpers and my new fancy Gortex-plus-whatever-else-they-put-in-walking-shoes, walking shoes. Stumbled to the car and drove ten...

To Sue or not to Sue (24 October 2011)

I am not in any way criticising the NHS, they have enough troubles without me complaining about the closure of The Kent and Sussex Hospital, now anybody with an ailment will have to travel miles to a space station somewhere...

The Brady Bunch (23 October 2011)

I don't know whether I'm Carmen or Cohen as the Jewish nun said. Backwards and forwards, some sleep, no sleep, more sleep less. Roses are red violets are blue I'm of two minds and so am I. I don't know...

The Loneliness of the long Distance Mother. (19 October 2011)

I have on thick green socks, snazzy jim-jams and a big woollen cardigan my mother knitted for me when I was pregnant 24 years ago. The arms are for very tall primates whilst the rest of the garment could envelope...

Eggs Gaterwick (11 October 2011)

How is it possible for a day to pass SOOOOO quickly. Gods Gift had to do the studio all on his own as I dashed about doing stuff...... From getting out of bed to typing here all I've done is...

Old McBarnett has a plan.... (10 October 2011)

The phone went and it was Dan the man asking after his grandmother so I called the hospital. My mother was having her 'bum and bits' washed, she told the nurse to tell me. She was due to come out...

post haste (10 October 2011)

First show back after two weeks out. No vacation just unpacking and more unpacking. Le Studio, at the bottom of the garden, looks like a boot fair. Gods Gift has taken to making pink apple juice every day with the...

1.10.11 ( 2 October 2011)

Brighton today played host to Muslims, Jews, Asians, West Indians, Alcoholics, Cockneys, Northerners, OAP's, babies, and dogs. There were mountains of bodies. The red of skin, white of skin, the tanned of skin and the burnt of skin. There were...

Happy New Year. (28 September 2011)

The apples on my trees are so big that the branches are almost touching the ground. God Forbid you hit your head on a Bramley you could be taken out for days. HAPPY NEW YEAR, to my Jewish Framily. Happy...

No 80. (19 September 2011)

So the rain rains, the sun shines and Amy, our new land girl, is attacking the mint which has taken over the garden like a Triffid. She is bonny and quick, youthful and tattooed. No dragons that I know of,...

Three Cocks a Crowing (14 September 2011)

Stress does funny things. For me it twists my spine makes my toes fizz, gives me a headache, lower back ache and a right royal pain in the derrier. So I went to the wonderful James Bibby at Stuart Korth's...

The virgin commute (13 September 2011)

This morning I had my virgin commute to 'This Morning'. Not literally I didn't go on one of Mr.Bransons beasts but it was my first trip into town as a normal human being.... Set two alarms, when the first radio...

Raindrops on Roses ( 9 September 2011)

And so I can feel my energy returning. From not being able to put one foot in front of the other I have managed to start seeing, smelling and feeling again. Yesterday two women I haven't had in my kitchen...

Sleeping on the Line.... ( 5 September 2011)

Today I had a bath at lunchtime. Haven't done that for years. Lay in the foamy water and forgave myself for my inability to do anything, anything at all. Not even look for the book that gives instructions for my...

TTFN (30 August 2011)

As the 'oosbind and dawter watch Komodo dragons eat their way through a dying water buffalo it's time for an update. The cellar is full of unwanted kitchen equipment, plates, bowls, tureens, sieves, knives, forks, big spoons, little spoons and...

The Big Clean up (23 August 2011)

Boxes boxes everywhere and ne're an inch to think. The trilling of the dawn chorus - ooh! I'd forgotten how loud it is here in East Sussex. After three moves we're nearly out. I've still got my duvet, bathroom pots...

Another suitcase another hall..... (20 August 2011)

The television has gone from the corner of the sitting room. The rug, the pictures, the clock, the big table, the armchair, the cushions, the colour, the mirrors, the atmosphere. The room is very big and beige. So big that...

As one door closes.... (16 August 2011)

The bedroom has three red cases full of tops and t-shirts. A black suitcase full of bathroom bottles and a huge hockey bag filled with towels and bath mats, pillow cases and fitted sheets. The little angel that hung on...

Rhyme nor reason. (11 August 2011)

Worra time of it. A moving of the clothes A moving of the clothes A moving of the clothes Oh! A moving of the clothes... I've been listening to Steel Eye Span!!!! For the last eight days I have been...

Pigeon Toes ( 1 August 2011)

Gods Gift drove us to a 70th birthday do at THE GROVE in Watford. Imagine twenty very noisy friends and family. Imagine a dining hall full of tables with the same. Imagine people who like to eat seated round those...

Garra Rufa fish pie (29 July 2011)

Sarah Laleham's comments about me leaving LBC was a bit harsh I thought. Do read them dear bloggers and wonder, like I did, who Ms Murray is? It always intrigues me when somebody writes a nasty cyber blog why they...

Lachrymate me a River (20 July 2011)

Rowleys (18 July 2011)

I went to visit LBC last week. Courtney, the guy on security, hugged me, broke seven of my ribs and hugged me again. Sent me up in the lift and I climbed out on the third floor. Of course I...

Packing it up and packing it in (13 July 2011)

Soho makes me into one person, Battersea into another and then when I'm home in East sussex I transmogrify into the East End country bumpkin I really am. It's 12.30 am, and eleven hours earlier I was in Brighton cheering...

Cheers (10 July 2011)

I decided to go home after 'Yes Minister' on Thursday Night. The roads were empty and I needed to be in the dark, peace of my home. Arrived by midnight, the old git and I had words - of course...

from Butterflies to Biscotti ( 5 July 2011)

Gods Gift came to the flat on Sunday and cleared up after I ejected an egg in and around the bathroom. Whatever's going on with my body only it knows but today meant I had to take it in hand....

eye eye ( 2 July 2011)

Since Tuesday I have been treating a watering eye. I've used up more tissues than a tikker tape parade on the fourth of July in downtown Manhattan. I've had these drops and those drops, the other drops and then the...

Does my BUTT look big in this? (27 June 2011)

Saturday night and sleep eluded me. Utterly deserted me, it went next door and bedded down with Simba the dog, but not one tiny bit of shut eye visited me. I went to bed early in the hope that I...

Tool strain (23 June 2011)

all. I am covered in scratches from the rose climber at the ned of the garden First I used a saw like lumberjacks use. Then I used a saw that I could hold - have had to shower the saw...

Don't mention the War daddy..... (15 June 2011)

It's Wednesday and I'm still looking as glam as hell having just arrived from 'This Morning', where I was doing the papers with James Whale. God I miss LBC. But I was dumped in a taxi to go to Farringdon...

Barefoot in the parks. ( 7 June 2011)

MBT's make me look like a sumo wrestler. They are the heaviest shoes in the world and I don't mean that in a jazzy hip way. I mean it in a blimy-what-are-those-wierd-things-on-your-feet-kind of way. Maasai Barefoot Technology is based on...

June 5th. ( 5 June 2011)

A huge demonstration in Hyde Park, commemorating the Massacre of Sikhs in 1984 filed past me. The old, the young, the bearded and the bejewelled, marched under the huge trees. I cried as swathes of orange turbaned people marched together....

Lend me a Tenor.... ( 4 June 2011)

23.39 Saturday night, the air is balmy and I have three days of journals to write, accounts to do, and some sleep to fit in before tomorrows show. Today has been, like the rest of last week, as busy as...

Footfall (30 May 2011)

On my 21st Sunday Show I had Judy James, body language expert, who is so smart she manages to make politics as accessible as 'The Beano'. Bill Oddie, talking about being bi-polar, generously revealing all about himself which enabled you...

Verdi and chips. (28 May 2011)

I hoovered upstairs. He hoovered downstairs. I ironed and did the washing, he made a bacon sandwich. I plumped up the cushions in the sitting room he fed the cat. Then he left and I loaded my car with my...

To Freeze or not To Freeze.... (26 May 2011)

I'm sitting in for Vanessa for two weeks so I have taken this week out to be at home. It's been lovely. All three of us have been here, the daughter and husband have been writing and I've been reading...

Chelsea Flower Toe.... (21 May 2011)

Sooooooooo. Open toed sandals are not allowed. Sooooooooo. Black tee shirts are not allowed. Sooooooooo. Spelling my name incorrectly and offering me a pair of shoes that are two sizes too big and a green builders waistcoat are compensation are...

Whale won (18 May 2011)

Hello all, it feels like life is on the move again. This morning I fitted in all my crancological needs including making a large pot of porridge with cinnamon and healthy sweetener. The car arrived a little late but this...

No excuses (17 May 2011)

Tuesday and I've just got locked into Aston and Cameron being romantically involved in Las Vega. If I were Demi I would be ever so slightly perturbed at my husbands antics. Still thats Hollywood for ya. Today I went on...

Ears and eyes. (13 May 2011)

'This Morning's' studio is an add on to the old LWT Towers I knew back in the day. The first person I saw was a doorman I hadn't seen for a zillion years, then a researcher who was a Goth...

My Karma ran over my dogma (10 May 2011)

Last night I danced the night away with EMMA LEECH and 17 other people at the Royal Academy for Dance on Vicarage Road in Battersea. Emma teaches the 'Five Rhythms', to people like me, young offenders and recovering addicts in...

Late for a very important date ( 8 May 2011)

Ain't it the way. Went to bed at 10.00 last night. Fell asleep almost immediately. Woke up at 11.58. Fell asleep almost immediately. Woke up at 5.00 Fell asleep nearly immediately. Woke up at 7.28 and I had overslept. I...

Behindsite ( 6 May 2011)

LISTEN GIRLS: If I had known then what I know now I would have done the shoot wearing a fur coat, cling fim and armoured plating. But what is done is done. I have to live with the pictures in...

The Naked truth ( 4 May 2011)

How do I feel now? Every time I think about it I go hot. I've eaten a whole packet of biscuits, a bowl of red hot veg, an avocado and some strawberries to try and still my fevered brow but...

Ignatia ( 3 May 2011)

Threw fifty quid into the dustbin. Will it still be there when I get home? Does it mean that deep down I think money is dirty? Or has the stress of the wedding, Bank Holiday Monday, birthdays, mothers and meetings...

The patience of an Ant.... ( 2 May 2011)

Watcha Peeps. The wedding, the holidays, the sun, the wind, the travel, the family. I have been caught up in so much tooing and froing that watching the snooker tonight - something I have never done - felt positively exhilarating,....

Pre Nup Nerves. (28 April 2011)

So much has happened between now and then that I don't know whether I am coming or going. I have had in incredibly silly reaction to the London air having come back from the cottage. Sneezing, itching, coughing and then...

26 degrees in Regents Park (22 April 2011)

I had a delicious walk through Regents Park, past full blown blossom, huge chestnut trees, cranes on the canal bank, noisy mallards, a Mosque, picnics full of orthodox Jews celebrating passover, toy dogs and several lunchers eating their sandwiches in...

Tripping Hither (20 April 2011)

Walking back from the BBC is glorious in this weather. Meandering through Soho and down to St. James Park, the ducks quacking, the sun shining, the tourists ambling, the open topped buses passing. The Union Jacks flying on Regent Street...

Day 1 of Vanessa (18 April 2011)

Hmm. Jean, I took my antibacterial drops, a compress of potato, some homeopathic remedies - not magic beans Jean - real live remedies bought from a real live pharmacy- and....the conclusion Jean is that the potato and the remedies did...

eyeball to eyeball.. (16 April 2011)

There was I writing speeches and listening to Trevor Silvester a lot. And then all of a sudden, out of the blue, without any warning, with out a bye-or-leave I get struck down with conjunctivitis. The only thing I know...

The Shock of the Nude... (13 April 2011)

From Sunday to Tuesday has been a bit of blur. When the sun shines I can't keep inside the flat. It's different when I am at home I can wander between the kitchen and magnolia tree, here I feel I...

Sunshine free and gratis. ( 7 April 2011)

If you look at my facebook page you can see my garden. I miss it so much I made God's Gift take photos of it. If this mountain can't get to Mecca then the mountain must go to Mohammed... well...

Mercury in Retro-rage.... ( 2 April 2011)

My return to London started from Eridge, a one track station, down the hill from the cottage. The 9.51, a train with six coaches coloured a kind of eau-de-nil type green, arrived on time as the birds shouted out about...

Houseworkery... (31 March 2011)

Housewiffery is on the agenda today. Sometimes I don't mind it, today its alright as it's the only thing that will warm me up. I couldn't sleep so I watched Jessica Double Thingy simper her way through 'Sex in the...

It came, it went I slumbered. (26 March 2011)

I have just necked the last of the Prosecca. Jim and I had the last of the spicy chicken wings and I have written my thank you letters. I had a very different birthday. It was the end of a...

62 and till rolling (24 March 2011)

THANK YOU ALL FOR MY BIRTHDAY GREETINGS. YOGA ACUPUNCTURE CHAMPAGNE........

Spring has sprung (22 March 2011)

When the alarm bellowed at me I literally leapt out of bed. At six in the morning there is no point in arguing with John Humphries. Collected my shorts and vest from the utility room, rolled up a clean towel,...

My last ever 61st Monday (21 March 2011)

First I watch the BBC news at 6.00 Then I watch The ITV news at 6.30. Libya, Japan and energy companies who have us by the short and curlies. Then I watch Corrie. Then I watch University Challenge. 'WE ARE...

Super Moon Blues (19 March 2011)

From Uttapam to chocolate cake. From the Number 24 bus route to a taxi to shake the frost bite off. I cannot believe how cold everything is. I cannot believe how disoriented I feel. Is it the Super Moon? Is...

The best things in life are nearly free (15 March 2011)

I went back to Yoga yesterday. The bliss of it. I couldn't make the day sessions so drove to the 5.00 p.m. class. I had been up since before 7.00 organising my new regime. It meant shopping in ASDA, forgive...

'Tis a naughty night to swim in....' (11 March 2011)

The old git started up the car, I loaded one wash bag into the boot, and off we went. After twenty minutes sitting in a traffic jam on Battersea Bridge, and a further fifteen minutes filling up the petrol tank,...

WOW ( 8 March 2011)

Just because the sun is out doesn't make it warm. This morning whilst walking to Clapham Junction my breathe hung in the air like little clouds of white crystals. It was cold. Actually it was very cold. The sun shone...

Rebalancing finally. ( 7 March 2011)

The show was fun yesterday. You can listen to four of us playing the kazoo on the BBc repeat thingy. Do listen its very funny. I went home, an impromptu visit. Me, the old git, the daughter and the sunshine,...

Rebalancing finally. ( 7 March 2011)

The show was fun yesterday. You can listen to four of us playing the kazoo on the BBC repeat thingy. Do listen its very funny. I went home, an impromptu visit. Me, the old git, the daughter and the sunshine,...

Toto ( 2 March 2011)

Is it six days since I blogged! Blimey doesn't time fly when you're being Vanessa. The week flew. My nephew Dan's postie listened to the weeks broadcasts his verdict thus: Monday she was ropey. Tuesday she was better. Wednesday she...

What a Difference a Ray Makes. (24 February 2011)

What a difference a ray makes. Everybody is smiling. Coats hanging over arms, sweaters off, jackets folded. Even the bus driver was chirpy. Februry 25th and it feels like we're coming out of the gloom. I know that tomorrow is...

Bikram begins again. (22 February 2011)

Have just come in from yoga. Arrived a little early in Balham so I bought some provisions from a Halal meat shop. I love the blokes in there. Its like a club in Karachi, not that I've ever been to...

Bikram blues (21 February 2011)

W all need stability don't we? With everything that is going on the Middle East, and what with the weather and unusual occurrences we all need stability? Well I do at least. So today, given that I was being Vanessa,...

Cutting away the old (19 February 2011)

You must read Kate Hardy's blog. She is a terrific writer . Makes me laugh and cry. You will love her. So how have you dealt with the biggest, most furious full moon this side of sanity. I have been...

Full mooon eve. (17 February 2011)

It's 16.51. We have just come up from the cottage. I hate saying 'coming up from the country' makes me sound SOOOOO POSH. However, Jim drove me, for reasons I will explain later. I drove home on Monday and the...

Pre Lunatic activity (16 February 2011)

From osteopths to facials. From hygenists to eye tests. The organising of my life and my mothers has consumed me. I am back in the cottage. The snow drops have bloomed and the guttering needs mending. Driving back to London...

The 'O' word (12 February 2011)

Thank you all for your comments about the 'O' word. I have been giving it a lot of thought. I am like a reformed smoker who can smell smoke three streets away. Because I was so huge - not pleasingly...

XXL (12 February 2011)

What does size have to do with anything you ask. Well speaking as a person who has fought with her weight since 1949 I can tell you it has everything to do with everything. We live in a society that...

You lodgee (10 February 2011)

Whiskey and water help to ease my head that feels like its caught in a vice. Joanna, as usual you misunderstand me. But hey ho you too are part of the process. My mother has pink cheeks tonight and two...

None of us get out alive ( 9 February 2011)

Ron Mueck is an Australian hyperrealist sculptor he started as a model maker and puppeteer for children's television and films. I saw his sculptor, 'Dead Dad', a few years ago and it stayed with me. It's a tiny version of...

Discipline ( 7 February 2011)

Well the Chinese New Year came and went. I opened a big bottle of Sake and heated the contents up in the microwave. I know those ovens are lethal but then so is Sake. After a long, hard afternoon I...

Slipping on the Dancefloor ( 4 February 2011)

I think I should start a new blog entitled ADVENTURES OF A MEDIA MINX. At my age it really shouldn't be allowed, or should I say ALOUD it shouldn't be.... Last night I went to see - with THE BARRY...

I haven't got it right yeti... ( 3 February 2011)

I went to borrow a red dress for a big charity do I'm going to on Saturday, Okay so I tried the dresses on over my trainers and jeans, but I still looked like a Yeti who had found some...

rabbit's eve ( 2 February 2011)

I've just heard a Northern expression from Sybil. 'Cry more pee less' Well if thats anything to go by then I'll be out of the bathroom for a fortnight. I don't know whether it's the moon, whether it's the Year...

Bikram begins again. (31 January 2011)

Bikram this morning. My balance is coming, it's very exciting. Even had a shower in the communal showers. I pretended that I looked like all the young women with their Brazilians. Even though I know I look like an old...

Lokshen - Jewish vermicelli (29 January 2011)

The alarm was set for 6.15 a.m. but none of us slept. B was up first, then Gods Gift fell out of bed. I had set out my funereal garb the night before but changed my plans when I felt...

Oy! Joanna (27 January 2011)

Well Joanna, no I have not thought of giving it all up. I have the best of both worlds wouldn't you agree?...

BBC LONDON (27 January 2011)

BBC LONDON 94.9 for those of you who dont know where I am. I am doing my fourth show this Sunday with Toby Jones, the actor. You can call 020 7244 2000 I think thats the number, twitter me, facebook...

Mid January Jaunt (25 January 2011)

I went down to post a letter. Took my little green stopwatch and decided to walk 30 minutes one way then half an hour the other. I had on thick red socks and my Nike Free 3 trainers, so decided...

welcome home Nelly (24 January 2011)

Gods Gift is in London. The cat is stretched out on the back of the armchair. I have boxed up 29 years of telly videos ready to be transferred to CD's. Saw the osteopath. Saw the homeopath. Made a big...

St. Bride's (22 January 2011)

London feels so different on a Saturday. Maybe it's because I feel relaxed. Although this morning I woke up having had a day yesterday. I haven't been in my Bikram studio for three days - death, life and mothers have...

St. James tittle tattle (21 January 2011)

Felt quite like old times. I left the flat at 9.15 prepared to walk into the centre of London. I hadn't banked on the the temperature. I only had on nine items of clothing. Two socks. Two trainers. One knicker....

sense of humour meltdown (20 January 2011)

From funeral parlours to social workers. From too many bagels to rose tubor baths. from too much chat. Too much noise. To not enough space. Missed Bikram today but at least my mother is ok. There are funny stories surrounding...

Wheres the wolf? (19 January 2011)

Drove to Hertfordshire. Took my seat on the green settee whilst four of us were talked through an average, common or garden, British funeral. Four thousand pounds later four of us were at each others throats. From limos to hearses...

Prolicide...... (18 January 2011)

The hours and minutes felt longer today. Like stretching plasticine. Had fifteen minutes to get to Bal-Ham. Bik- ram rocked. For some reason I could get my head on my knee, my heel in my groin and my foot in...

Frosty tips. (17 January 2011)

It is not possible to live a life on sausages, mash, peas, gravy yorkshire pudding, all washed down with half a Guinness, and then expect to feel great. I spent all Sunday afternoon sleeping. Jim and I watched THE BANKSY...

Number 2. (16 January 2011)

Had the gentlest of driver this morning. I meditated in the back until we arrived at Egton House. He said he only worked for the BBC and all the people were lovely. Well i can't spoeak for all of them...

The day after the night before. (15 January 2011)

Sunday looms. I need to sleep, and relax before tomorrows show. Doing one a week is harder than every day. Need the regularity to work out the wrinkles. I have to psych myself up. The old git and me went...

THE PAINTER (15 January 2011)

The call came at 9.45. had just listened to Giles Brandreth on Desert Island Discs. He's one of the reasons I could never vote Tory. I dressed quickly in dark, sober clothes. Not deliberately but because that was how I...

Cobra nights (13 January 2011)

Don't know I how I managed yoga this morning but I did. Did the standing postures. I am not very good with them. Then the lying down taking a rest poses. Then we did the cobra. On your front, bend...

Comic beano (12 January 2011)

Woke to a text from Paul Hollywood. The delicious baker always called me Nan after his grandmother who rode a bicycle in Liverpool and smelled of wee..... I loved his bake-off programme if I can bribe him with enough airtime...

Bend it like Bikram (10 January 2011)

Drove the car belonging to Gods Gift, he was still in bed when I left. It was so good driving something that worked. My little Red Nellie is still in the garage all her parts were held up because of...

Tweet Nothings ( 9 January 2011)

It's 20.37 and I feel sick. And here's why. Two little pots of prune yoghurt. 7 fish balls and peas with tomato sauce. Two pickled onions. 34 almonds. A mozzarella, tomato and aubergine ciabatta. Two coffees A drive to East...

The Girl in the Orange tatty - who? ( 6 January 2011)

Is it possible that I climbed out of bed at 5.45? Is it possible that I put on the shorts and vest - which I thought was red but apparently is not cos the teacher kept yelling 'Will the girl...

Hot Yoga ( 4 January 2011)

So I drove out of the flat. Turned right and then left towards Wandsworth Common. Took a left and a right and continued up the hill till I got to a long road that took me to Balham. OH! I...

3.1.11. ( 3 January 2011)

I am wearing my purple SCHLOMPER SUIT, my purple furry slippers, and nowt else. I have been wearing my purple ensemble all day. But let me take you back to a frosty night in East Sussex - God it was...

Christmas Cheerios (29 December 2010)

Christmas day was full of ice Sunday day was drippy Boxing day was full of fog And yesterday was slippy The Christmas tree is leaking pine The mistletoe has wilted The Christmas cake is but a crumb And the stilton...

a stolen moment. (26 December 2010)

Boxing day, Sunday the day after the one before. HAPPY FESTIVITIES to you all. I shall write a proper blog when there's a reduction of bodies in the house. If you are ill, get well soon. If you are full;...

Bah Humbug. (18 December 2010)

First I took a homeopathic remedy. Then after a pause I sucked a Strepsil then after a pause I drunk a Lemsip then after a pause I rubbed something with Olbas oil in on my chest. Then I started all...

True something that rhymes with Grit (17 December 2010)

Brrrrr I jumped in a taxi in Leicester Square. The roads were practically empty. Went to see TRUE GRIT, the COEN BROTHERS new film with JEFF BRIDGES and the most irritating young actress I have seen in years. Mr. Bridges,...

Socially networking (15 December 2010)

I had a big blue scarf jobby wrapped round my head and neck, gloves and socks so that my extremities were all toasty warm. By the time I got to the Kings Road I had removed my scarf, rolled up...

Romper, jump, whatever (14 December 2010)

I'm square eyed. Been in front of the pooter all day trying to write a treatment. I think I've done it. I need to show it to THE BARRY before I break open the lemon juice....

Patronising Pickles (13 December 2010)

Thank you all for your embraceable comments. It really is like getting a distant hug. I'm on to my second mug of lemon water. I've juiced two halves separately and am drinking it between avocados, herbal supplements and meditation. The...

Announcement. ( 9 December 2010)

The reason I am writing this today is to tell you, hold on a minute I just want to tell you about 'ROLANDAS' the best clothes shop in town. Battersea Square, Sheila, who looks like a model, growls like a...

Gandhi thighs ( 8 December 2010)

On Friday The Barry and I will be filming the second bit of our new thingy that we'll be putting on the whatsit when the doodah is ready. Today I caught up on all the things I couldn't do because...

From Bushey to Battersea ( 7 December 2010)

I drove to Boreham Wood and collected my mother. I used Dan the Man, my lovely nephew as Sat Nav. It took hardly 25 minutes to get to the Jewish Cemetery in Bushey. I parked the Jacmobil in a disabled...

LB@-BBC- The Yard. ( 7 December 2010)

OK it's bedtime but I was berated by my Beau Brummie for not bloggin'. So here goes. Back on March 1st my agent introduced me to a young geezer called Barry. He had been a runner on TVam when he...

Take Hat.... (30 November 2010)

I cancelled my 11.0'clock appointment. Felt really queasy and coldy. Meditated. had a big mug of my Jewish Penicillin, then dressed. One pair of 501 jeans - thick. One pair of bikers boots and sox - thick. One t-shirt. One...

The End of November (29 November 2010)

Reality telly is killing me. I watched 'Strictly Come Mincing', 'Z' Factor, Jungle capers then re-logged the fire so I could stay up and watch 'DESPICABLE ME. My first Bafta film of the year. I loved it. B, the old...

Brrrrrrr! (24 November 2010)

Bill knocked at 8.00, brought in his industrial strength drain cleaner and proceeded to battle the bulge in the kitchen u-bend. Bill won. My feet are cold. But I am going to wrap up warm and walk to Victoria....

I'm Not a Celebrity... (22 November 2010)

I'm told that waking up at four is what creatives do. I'm also told that waking up at four is what depressants do. I'm also told that four is when Chinese medicine says there's an energetic peak in the lungs......

Frank's beans (19 November 2010)

The air feels like Christmas. The lights in Oxford Street, FRANKS coffee shop off Carnaby Street, the Number 19 bus. Everything felt like it was poised for something new. Mind you one cup of Frank's coffee and I'm full of...

Jungle jeni (18 November 2010)

No, of course I am not joining The Jungle Capers. I would no more go into the jungle with creeps and bugs, not to mention the insects, even if they offered me £3 million pounds. JENNY ECLAIR, has gone into...

Lunatic activity.... (17 November 2010)

It may have been jet-lag, or the fog. It may have been clearing the flat. Too many boxes of shoes. It may have been adjusting to the cold or dealing with my anger at the smugness of the coalition. It...

The final push ( 9 November 2010)

So the alarm went off at 4.30. I was up up at 4.00 having written FOUR on my forehead three time, it always works. Had a hot shower, a luxury since our villa only had cold water - that's how...

Every Cloud has a silver lining -are you sure? ( 4 November 2010)

Ok, so we decided to drive to Nosara yesterday. The rain had been plummetting down - we didn't know there had been a landslide in San Jose and 20 people had died -,so we set off when the last drop...

Raindrops keep falling on my bed ( 2 November 2010)

When the thunder clapped and the sheet lighting struck I swear we all held our heads. When the rain came onto the upstairs balcony and the wind threw the water bottle about I swear I thought Hurricane Catastrophe had hit....

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star (26 October 2010)

Last night the rain started in the wee small hours. I was reading and Jim was trying to make friends with a tree frog that had inadvertently got himself stuck to our bedroom floor. A spider was busy spinning its...

Good Eggs (25 October 2010)

Dear All, I would love to publish photos but I DONT KNOW HOW. The old git says he will teach me how to do it when we return to Blighty. Until then you will just have to use your imaginations.......

The Birth of the Bab (20 October 2010)

The Pacific in front of me, coconut trees to the left of me, banana trees to the right, the old git wearing nothing but some factor 20 and the daughter embalmed with Vera's Aloe.. Today is Wednesday 20th of October,...

Baby It's Cold Outside (13 October 2010)

When the man started talking to me at 7.00 I was confounded by his intrusion, I then realised it was the radio. As the story unfolded I marveled at the excellence of humanity, a whole country behind a handful of...

Sewing my Wild Rice (12 October 2010)

I woke up this morning with my left , lower, back muscle in spasm. There are thems that say its the stress coming out. There are thems that say its the detoxing. There are thems that say its because I...

Meals on Wheels. (12 October 2010)

Phoned the bank to check out we had travel insurance. Having given the wrong security details my call was blocked. A very nice Scottish lad helped me out. Resetting the security number and advising me not to use birthdays or...

Flat Out? (10 October 2010)

There's an undulating discomfort in the bottom of my belly, and it's not the mung bean soup, it's the thought I will have to give up my lovely flat. 'It's only a building.' says George. 'Don't get so attached.' says...

From fasting to slowing... ( 9 October 2010)

I fasted yesterday.Not for religious reasons but because I am getting my body used to cooked food again. I have been totally raw since April first, no joke let me tell you. But over six months it has done wonders...

Spicing up my life ( 7 October 2010)

First there was the dresser. Then there was the pantry. Today I set about spicing up my life. I bought three little boxes and two mug type containers. Stripped one cupbarod of Macadamia Oil, Sesame Oil and Vegetable Oil -...

The Plough and the Pantry ( 7 October 2010)

After days of rain the sun finally came out today. I put on a pair of 505 Levi Jeans, and a t-shirt courtesy of my neighbour Jonathan's boot fair clothing line. I jumped into my little red car and drove...

PULP Fiction. ( 3 October 2010)

Duddleswell Cheese is a creamy white concoction made from sheeps milk. I bought some from the Old Spot Farm shop when I went to collect another batch of gluten free chicken sausages. That's dinner tonight. Whilst driving I listened to...

Crumbs.... ( 2 October 2010)

I've just driven from Seven Oaks. Dropped the daughter off, she is finally making her own way in London. The operation was on August 7th, so her recovery has been remarkable. She is a little like me, more like the...

Don't na do it Donna ( 2 October 2010)

Never fails to amaze me how people, who don't like me, still read my blog, or find the time to track me down. If you dont like me, or disapprove of me Donna and Paul, please refrain from writing to...

Polishing my balls. ( 1 October 2010)

Tom Jones was on 'Desert Island Discs'. this morning. The old git and I lay in bed and listened as Sir Tom played a selection of music that, although not always my taste, indicated what a brilliant geezer he was....

Farringdon Oh Farringdon..... (29 September 2010)

It's very wet in Battersea. So wet the lights of the cars are making the road shine like a cheap bauble. I left the cottage at 12.30, expecting to arrive in London at 1.45, in the event it took me...

Orlas Feast. (27 September 2010)

Monday, the beginning of a new week. I put my dressing gown on at 4.00 p.m. Lay on my back with my legs in the armchair, threw my arms behind my head and fell asleep. My body had taken a...

GOOD RIDANCE (24 September 2010)

Funerals, in the movies, always have rain streaming down. Big, fat droplets falling on umbrellas as the family huddle round the grave. Yesterday I wept on my ironing, I wept on my cooking I wept on my pyjamas as the...

New Beginnings (23 September 2010)

It's already tomorrow and I haven't been to bed yet. I went to North London early this morning. Victoria Tube Station was jam-packed with commuters standing, long-faced, at the ticket barriers, as the screens showed hoards of morning travellers shoving...

The Sounds of Silence (21 September 2010)

Today I am walking to Buddha - sounds like a Bruce Sprinsteen song - The Buddha who sits facing North, South, East and West on the South Side of Battersea Park. If I run it takes 12 minutes, if I...

Sunlay (19 September 2010)

To Glen, and all of you, yes I've received your wonderful comments. It feels as if I am always in turmoil. What if one day I posted really good news up, none of us would know what to say... I...

IF (18 September 2010)

I've just come back from my osteopath who said my body feels like its been slapped in the face. Your comments have made me cry. Thank you - not for making me cry but for bothering to write at all....

Annus Horribilis. (17 September 2010)

I have had a really bad stomach upset over the last two days. Nobody told me that the remedy contained morphine...The result is I am dry of mouth, bleary of eye and concrete of stomach. The last few days have...

Hip- Hoppalong ( 9 September 2010)

I've taken Arnica, rubbed arnica cream into it, taken three Neurofen and am sitting on an ice pack. I tripped by Battersea Square as I was thinking about a girl who had tripped in Battersea Square.... I cried and thought...

Norf & Sarf ( 2 September 2010)

In the middle of brushing my teeth the telephone rang. 7.40a.m. and my personal trainer had arrived early. Dripping with blue toothpaste I let her in, finished my ablutions then set about learning how to use a dumbell. I'll end...

Tupper Where? (28 August 2010)

So just when I thought B and I were going to Arundel to see Jim in his last performance of 'As You Like It' and 'Merry Wives' reality kicked in. It is not possible to put a young woman, who...

Weight a minute Conan (23 August 2010)

Better late than never. I have just watched 'Roger and Val' with Fred Molina and Dawn French. I think it is wonderfully funny, poignant, well written, tastefully acted and a must see. I even bothered to watch it on BBC...

Third Chapter here I come (18 August 2010)

I interviewed a writer who gets up at 5.00 every morning, writes for three hours, takes a walk on the Heath, then writes a bit here and there throughout the day. I need to follow in her footsteps, but I...

The saddle awaits. (15 August 2010)

The flat is awful quiet after three weeks away. You would have thought that nearly a month in the country would have been peaceful and full of nightingales and cream teas As it is I had thee weeks of hospitals,...

Operation operation..... (11 August 2010)

From osteopath to MRI. From MRI to hospital. From the fracture ward to the neurological centre. From the single room to the operating theatre. From 10.59 to 5.21 on the operating table. From Sunday without Morphine to Tuesday without Wolferine...

A Month in The Country ( 4 August 2010)

I did my work out after midnight. Groaning into the burn was a blessed release. The cottage was sleeping. Bee, fitfully, Jim cautiously. I couldn't rest. I set the alarm for 5.30. Watching my daughter hobble, her dropped foot dragging...

Get Well Soon ( 2 August 2010)

Whilst the world spins I am in a spin trying to get my daughter better. The old man's back is mending but B's foot is still dead. An MRI scan on Wednesday, and hospital consultations with Doctors who have about...

Fields of gold (27 July 2010)

Getting used to being in my home, as a holiday location, has been diffilcukl but actually easier than I thought. The sky is low and heavy but the temperature is warm and calm. The old mans back is getting better...

Back to basics (22 July 2010)

The old git's chipped a bone on his spine. Knackered his back. The daughter has trapped a nerve, knackered her back. The mother has scarred her lung, knackered her back. Back to back problems which had me feeling desolate. I...

Don't call me Shirley.... (21 July 2010)

At 1.00 a.m. I'm not sure whether it's very late Tuesday night or very early Wednesday morning. I'm getting that end of term thing you get just before you break up for the summer holidays. I have to be careful...

Caterpillar smoothie (17 July 2010)

It's Saturday in London. Somehow the energy always feels different to a weekday. The sky is a hard blue with brillo-pad clouds. I've done my exercises, pulling in my stomach as best I can after a night of flax crackers....

Oy Story 1 (16 July 2010)

This morning I left early. I put on white trousers, that are now way to big, a white t-shirt that within two minutes was smeared with lipstick whilst putting it over my head, my Nike Free 3 trainers that make...

Sob Story (14 July 2010)

It's only Tuesday and it already feels like the middle of next week. This evening I went to see TOY STORY 3. Imagine an audience of young, trendy media folk and me. imagine an audience with paper and pens, ready...

All Aboard ( 9 July 2010)

Just how much can a girl fit into a day? Robin Wlliams, The Mayor of London, The Duchess of Cornwall, Safe houses in Sheperds Bush, 'The Railway Children' at Waterloo Station, the 'oosbind, the daughter in Hackney, the mother it...

Birthday Season ( 5 July 2010)

The weekend went by in a flash. Bella's birthday on Thursday, John's birthday on Friday, Anitas birthday bash on Saturday, Nick's birthday on Sunday, Sasha and Brigits birthday today, Barbara's on Wednesday, Louis' on Friday, Thank God Hilda died otherwise...

Robin, Bobcat and me. ( 2 July 2010)

How do you prepare to interview ROBIN WILLIAMS? You don't sleep, you read until 2.15a.m. You have a shower wash your hair, put on some lipstick, a pair of dungarees and believe that he has to be a decent human...

Bubbly with the B's (27 June 2010)

Worra nother day this has been. Up early, the call, from the wandering troubadour to inform me when he would be arriving, came in at 9.00. 15 minutes later I left in HIS car to go to Liverpool Street. I...

From Berwick Street to Borehamwood. (26 June 2010)

The daughter put her hand on my shoulder at 7.30 this morning, I had actually been up but had fallen back to sleep, she jiggled me awake. I put on the same clothes as yesterday, packed a little shoulder bag...

TGIF (25 June 2010)

19.34. Football, tennis, meetings, chat. taxis, heat, almonds, silence. Worra a day this has been, it was a heavy show I got so angry about factory farming. We are, if we're not careful, going to turn into the dustbin of...

Ten Days That Shook My World (24 June 2010)

First of all let me say thank you for your messages. I AM FINE. Although the last ten days have been more than a little testing It's been mechanical mash up, daughter mash up, emotional mash up, not to mention...

Back to Back (15 June 2010)

It's just gone midnight and I've turned into turnip, I left my pumpkin suit at the door. Its been a weird, stressful, strange day. I left the flat and my ankle was all of a twitter so I decided to...

With a little help from my friends. (13 June 2010)

Yes, Rhiannon, St. Nicholas's Church is still functioning as a church. Yes Adrian, you naked on a bike feels me with dread!! I have had a very emotional weekend. what with one thing and another. Today I mowed the lawn,...

A ceremony of civility ( 8 June 2010)

It's Tuesday. The old git is in Ireland, it's tipping it down and he's performing in the open air at Trinity College in Dublin. Last night they had to put plastic bags in their shoes - 16th century garb I...

NIKE DIRECT ARE A SCAM ( 4 June 2010)

do not go to Nike Direct THEY ARE A SCAM....

Kissings Out of Fashion (31 May 2010)

Friday night's drive back to East Sussex was nowhere near as bad as I had anticipated. Jim drove my little red car home and I collected my mother in his. It's smoother, sleeker, more comfortable for an 88 year old...

Flower Power (27 May 2010)

Gardening is not really my thing. I love my garden but get deeply frustrated at the continual need for weeding and the like. The irony is that I have green fingers. if I plant it it grows. My mother has...

MARRIAGE BLITZ (25 May 2010)

I slept through the alarm, I had intended to get up at 5.30 to write but I was a bit under par last night so I chose to stay under the duvet with the old git, well it was our...

Poirot for supper (23 May 2010)

I got up just before sunrise on Saturday morning. Put on a sarong, my pink crocks and a little black bolero thingy. I left as the sun came up. It took precisely one hour and five minutes to do 45...

Purple Jeni (19 May 2010)

Vanity is the curse of the moneyed age-ed. Take yours truly. I have been working with Errol Denton, and of course my acupuncturist, on getting my blood sugar down. I went to see him on March 31st, on April Fools...

Easy Cameron and easy go..... (12 May 2010)

David Cameron is our new PM. Nick Clegg is our new Dep PM It already feels like 9 PM and it's only just gone 8.00!...

Hanging Parliament. (10 May 2010)

Lib-Lab-Lab-Lib-Lib-Con-Con-trick, its all ridiculous posturing from a band of boys who want to get into Number 10. Do they really care about us? Do they really care about the country or is it just a mish-mash of egos desperately trying...

Maasai madness. ( 9 May 2010)

19.53. My hands, nose and feet are cold. i've turned the heating up full. The 'oosbind has turned it back down again. We spent the weekend in the cottage. I took the train - 3.45 - from Charing Cross on...

Election night ( 7 May 2010)

Have just come in from The Tricycle Theatre in Kilburn. The 'oosbind and I went to see FILTER theatre group doing their version of TWELTH NIGHT. A riotous evening of music, physical theatre, good humour, the Bard, good acting and...

Mary Poppins and me ( 6 May 2010)

The ceonathus along the riverside walk is in full bloom I had to take a photograph. American Lilac is its common name but there's nothing common about the blueness of those delicious flowers. The Wisteria along Cheyne Walk, especially on...

The shortest week. (28 April 2010)

I've been in bed for two days with this wretched bug. Not a nice bed fellow. I got up yesterday and managed to get myself out to see somebody who shifted the condition. Then when I got back to the...

10 Days to go. (26 April 2010)

Ten days before the General Election and only God and the 'Daily mail' know which way it will land. I'm voting in Battersea, the 'oosbind is voting in East Sussex whilst Bee is voting for the first time, we've had...

St. Georges Day (23 April 2010)

Its been a week full of meetings, meals and merry making. Monday found me eating greens beans with garlic and olive oil in the ALICE HOUSE in West Hampstead. A gaggle of wise women celebrating a birthday. I left at...

goodmornin' sunshine. (18 April 2010)

I had the roof down on my car, first time this year. We sat n the garden and had lunch in the sun. I read all weekend - a book for an interview - whilst the old git fixed up...

HAIR today and gone tomorrow (13 April 2010)

Its rude to eat celery when you're talking to somebody on the telephone but a girls got to do what a girls got to do. I have been so busy that I've just finished supper, whilst trying to suck on...

Spring is Sprung ( 8 April 2010)

At 6.30 this morning I jumped out of bed and put the heating on, as I write my hands are sporting little frozen fish fingers. Yesterday I had to buy a new rucksack. Into BLACKS I went on Buckingham Palace...

Flat Out ( 6 April 2010)

The Delicious Miss DAHL is dribbling on in the background. My birthday roses are faded and papery, Battersea is dark and quiet, and my journals need writing up. This Easter has been big and fond, family and fun. We played...

BLOODY ErroL ( 1 April 2010)

Wednesday morning I took the 8.15 -170 bus - nowhere to sit, although a lovely young hero offered me his seat. I preferred to stand as I had to drink 1.5 litres of water before I arrived at Destination ERROL...

Edinburgh Nights (29 March 2010)

THANK YOU ALL for your lovely birthday messages, cards and comments. Edinburgh was grey - sometimes sunny - but mostly grey and COLD and sometimes WINDY. But it was good to be with the old git. And I enjoyed my...

Och aye the noo. (22 March 2010)

As you would expect, one day away from LBC and I've come down with whatever the nasty viral thing is. Headache, stomach, blocked nose. But I've been to the huge supermarket in Boreham Wood and bought provisions for our trip...

From Cockfosters to Cardiff..... (22 March 2010)

To all of you who supported me. THANK YOU SO MUCH. The old git gave me 8/10, which for him is remarkable. Thank you all for your lovely messages of support. Thank You Marmite for shlepping all the way from...

Radlett Eve. (20 March 2010)

I spent all this morning working on Radlett. Then took myself to Battersea Square for a pear juice and three outfits from ROLANDA for Radlett. Then came back to the flat and had a salad and a phone call about...

To all my Trusses (17 March 2010)

THANK YOU to all of you who have got back to me about RADLETT. The pressure to be fabulous when there are only 17 in the audience makes for adrenal burn out.... I look forward to everybody who is coming...

RADLETT CENTRE SUNDAY MARCH 21st. 7.30 HELP (16 March 2010)

How is it possible that an organisation could so screw up that they have only sold half the tickets for Radlett on Sunday, I am deeply upset, humiliated and embarrassed. I feel like Anthea Turner!...

THE FORGEWOOD BARN. (13 March 2010)

THE FORGEWOOD BARN is a new eatery hidden in Eridge. I went back home to the cottage early this morning and got caught in Crystal Palace bumpers. By the time I arrived the snow drops had flowered. Opened up three...

The Belly Blues (10 March 2010)

My lovely Shakeel came round this evening to talk about a new outfit for Radlett. He's got until the 21st to stitch me together. And there I was looking at myself when I whispered to Shakeel, I asked him whether...

Haggis and Me ( 8 March 2010)

Haggis for tea. Haggis for tea. Haggis and spinach for Jim and for me. Telly with tea. Telly with tea. Telly with haggis for Jim and for me. Acupuncture for me. Acupuncture for me. Acupuncture with haggis and spinach for...

JB entertains JB ( 4 March 2010)

Tamsin Greig, Harry Lloyd, Gemma Arterton, and Rupert Friend, stood on the stage at THE Garrick Theatre and entertained a good house in THE LITTLE DOG LAUGHED. Written by Douglas Carter Beane, now I was tired so I really was...

The devil is in the detail. (28 February 2010)

Dear RUSSIAN ICE STARS. Thank you for magnanimity. I will look at my schedule. Thank you so much for your invite. I am humbled....

sincere apology (28 February 2010)

Dear Vee, my total apologies. I AM SINCERELY SORRY FOR THE MIX UP....

Skating on thin ice (28 February 2010)

No cottage this weekend. I miss the green, the cat, my neighbour Jonfan. I miss the air, the dark the peace BUT this weekend its been all systems go. I rushed out of the flat this morning to buy B...

Celebrity City (24 February 2010)

HOWARD GOODALL, the composer, talked to me from a school in Kennington. He has got 30,000 schools on board to become musical establishments. Today is 'National Sing Up day'. Teachers joining in and children standing proud as they open their...

To Beard or not to Beard (23 February 2010)

The 'oosbind of thirty odd years left for Warwickshire this morning. He took a bag of clothes, a basket of wine bottles and his lap top. He left at 9.30 and gave me a perfunctory scratch with his Royale. Thats...

The Pelican Brief. (18 February 2010)

I've just come in from 'The Wolseley', the posh restaurant next to the Ritz. I was treated to liver and bacon courtesy of a wonderful man I have known for years. He works for a publishing house and represents Jackie...

Grinding to a halt. (16 February 2010)

Battersea Bridge is taking the brunt of the traffic. Albert bridge is closed and my taxi driver, this evening, told me that it cost £39.50 to get from Kensington to Leicester Square, he feels sorry for his fares! Miles of...

Arts and Minds (13 February 2010)

So I got there early having been to a caff next door where I downed the biggest baked potato since the famine, more baked beans than Heinz, a coconut cake and a pot of Earl Grey tea. The proprietor called...

Building Jeff Bridges (10 February 2010)

I had a massage last night which included a guided meditation and a re-arranging of my ankle. This morning it hurt so much I had to take three Nurofen. By this afternoon the pain and misery of months seems to...

Wrinklies forever. ( 9 February 2010)

Everything is fine. This morning a big, plump South African rung my bell. He came upstairs and with notebook in hand, took down fastidious notes about cleaning my carpets. Then a young man from the Far east, and I don't...

A Dear Jonno letter. ( 3 February 2010)

Thanks to all of you callers today. Jonno thinks I should be taken off the airways and that I should ask for forgivenss for my views on the MMR vaccine. I like being on the airwaves, making waves, trying to...

4 give ness (31 January 2010)

Thank you all for your supportive comments. I think this blogging lark is remarkable, even if I am a twit when it comes to the workings of it. I watched a wonderful documentary about the world wide web, the internet,...

Homage to Pedro (27 January 2010)

I slept in until 9.15 this morning. Booked the man to clean my oven. Left my phone to discharge itself. Took the 170 to Victoria. The tube to Leicester Square. Felt like I was made out of India rubber, it...

Souper (26 January 2010)

The old git doesn't get in until after eleven. He's been thrashing out his servant at 'The Lyric', Hammersmith. The first half of 'The Three Sisters' is not good, the second half better. By the time he gets home he...

Jeni staring at men (21 January 2010)

When the old git dies I'm setting up home with Jeff bridges. Ewan McGregor can polish my pantry and George Clooney can do whatever he likes. 'Men Staring at Goats' is a wonderful film and so is the Prince Charles...

Pets are people too..... (20 January 2010)

Apart from talking to Roger Reese and Sir Ian Mckellan, wonderful men who made me miss being an actress, I talked to people about what they fed their pets. An article in the newspaper shone the spotlight on the tins...

Blackberry Blues (18 January 2010)

I have a new Blackberry I hate my new Blackberry I cannot understand my new Blackberry. It is more irritating than the most irritating presenter on Channel 5. I am seriously thinking of giving back my Blackberry. With all that...

Blackberry Blues (18 January 2010)

I have a new Blackberry I hate my new Blackberry I cannot understand my new Blackberry. It is more irritating than the most irritating presenter on Channel 5. I am seriously thinking of giving back my Blackberry. With all that...

Blackberry Blues (18 January 2010)

I have a new Blackberry I hate my new Blackberry I cannot understand my new Blackberry. It is more irritating than the most irritating presenter on Channel 5. I am seriously thinking of giving back my Blackberry. With all that...

Hurrah For Gary. (14 January 2010)

Is the rain preferable to snow? I think so I can see the green of the grass.. Jonfan called me from the cottage, the guttering is frozen and it looks like the cellar is going to flood from all the...

MARCH 21st. RADLETT CENTRE. (13 January 2010)

The old git is in 'The Three Sisters' at The Lyric in Hammersmith, he's playing the same part that Eric Sykes played. He never shares anything about the production so I have no idea what he's doing,how he's doing it...

AVAGO at AVATAR (12 January 2010)

Today I shouted on air. I shouted about £2.5bn of our tax payers money being abused. Taken from Universities so that it can be spent on what? A Trident perchance? A bloody missile that nobody can use. I want my...

ALICE MARTHA LYTE. 1986 - 2009 ( 9 January 2010)

I just gave in and ignored all the weather warnings. 6.00 a.m. start. 6.30 - '170' to Victoria. Victoria-Green Park -Leicester Square-Charing Cross. 7.15 to Tonbridge. Taxi to Tunbridge Wells. Breakfast in 'Carluccios'. Met up with B who had gingerly...

Snowtimelikethepresent ( 6 January 2010)

The 170 bus drove remarkably smoothly to Victoria. I made an executive decision that whilst there would be no grit in St. James Park it would be worth a punt. I was right. The ice had melted under the bridges...

Weather we do or weather we don't. ( 5 January 2010)

Why do I get so worried about snow? I have a Swede staying with me who thinks we Brits are drips. He works in the North of Sweden in temperatures of -36. LBC reacted to the severe weather warnings which...

Two Sarongs don't make a right. ( 3 January 2010)

Sunday January 3rd and I'm all set to go. My new decade resolution is to write for three hours every day. Malcom Bradwell in the 'Outfliers' says that it takes 10,000 hours to become a genius. So by his reckoning...

What's For You Wont Go Past You (30 December 2009)

The rain it raineth every day. The sky is grey. The dustmen have finally been and taken away most of 2009's Christmas. The fridge is bare. The plumber has been to cast his eye over the bathroom. The heater blew...

Battersea this side and that (20 December 2009)

Yesterday was the Kings Road. Lunch in 'Pauls' hot milk with a dash of hazelnut syrup, a baguette and a shared pear flan. We bought gifts for some but not all. Today was Northcott Road. Lunch in an Italian. Earl...

Dosvidanniye Comrade (16 December 2009)

I must go to bed soon, am up at sparrows fart to get to LBC Towers early to interview Catherine Tate. I've eaten the last of the fish pie and a persimmon/sharon fruit or kaka depending on where you were...

The bland leading the bland., (15 December 2009)

Dinner last night comprised four young people, two old people, one cat and several dead fishes. The smoked cod and salmon were scorched in hot milk they shared the pan with one BIG onion, some garden carrots, celery, parsley and...

Twas the Twelth night before Christmas (13 December 2009)

Delia is making Christmas special with her hot oven and roasting pan, Jim's looking for publicity pics for me on HIS computer, the cottage is 51 miles away and the last of the washing is in. The daughter stayed, slept...

2000 and Whine ( 7 December 2009)

Two weeks until Christmas and I feel about as festive as an undertaker in Ungava. Dark when I wake up, dark when I get home. All my good intentions to walk in are dashed. I have a bucket full of...

Truss me I'm an agent. ( 2 December 2009)

Met up with the agent in Fiori Corner. I paid for two hot chocolates and tears. He left I sat and nursed my wounds. Being chucked out into the big wide world again is not what I had anticipated for...

Agency Blues ( 1 December 2009)

Tuesday has been strangely long. It feels like I have packed an awful lot into a very short time. But Tuesday was the way of all my days starting at 7.00 and finishing a little time before 2.00. I liked...

Aunty Becky's whapsidoodles. (28 November 2009)

The cottage is gleaming due to my new treasure Caro. I haven't seen it yet, and I won't until next weekend. My garden is overgrown owing to the fact that Anna has swine flu. We wish her well. My left...

birthday bagels (28 November 2009)

The cottage is gleaming due to my new treasure Caro. I haven't seen it yet, and I won't until next weekend. My garden is overgrown owing to the fact that Anna has swine flu. We wish her well. My left...

chins up (26 November 2009)

When a theatre show and film are so bad you have to leave in the middle the only way to recover is to watch Gino de Campo on 'Celebrity' . It's not normally my drug of choice but Gino and...

Back to the grindstone (24 November 2009)

Its been tricky getting back into the swing of work. Yesterdays show was clunky and a bit doddery. Today I was up at 6.30. I meditated, with difficulty, stilling my mind was an effort. Then I put my OHI exercise...

Green oaPeas. (20 November 2009)

This week has felt nearly restful. Being in my own home means I can see the cobwebs, weeds and unashamed mess around the edges. Having said that I have been to the beautician, the osteopath and Brighton. The journey from...

IN DOLL GENTS (17 November 2009)

11.30 - 12.30 saw me writing you a very funny blog when the machine massacred it. I'm meant to be on holiday so I shouldn't let it annoy me but it has so, rather than spend another full hour trying...

night night wear (12 November 2009)

It's nightdress weather. Jim's at The Young Vic. I am in the sitting room wearing a victorian nightdress. I need to write but my eyes are as heavy as a sack of coal. The corner deli in Battersea Square sells...

An Education (11 November 2009)

By 9.30 'RISK IT FOR A BISCUIT' was finished. Goody and I hugged and off she went to visit her fiancee in Carshalton Hospital. I walked by the river, the sun warm the sky blue the air cold. Thought about...

The Ugly's (10 November 2009)

Twelve hour days are not good for a girl. I arrived home, my bag strapped to my chest, my coat gaping open, telephone in left hand, keys in the right and a head full of toxic thoughts. The flat is...

Me and Mr. Caine. ( 9 November 2009)

This morning was cold. The grass, at the cottage, was covered in dewy frost. Jim drove me to the station. I thought we were going to miss the train in the event Jim drove back home and I was left...

Sleepless in Sussex ( 8 November 2009)

B has just cooked us roast chicken, roast potatoes, roasted butter-nut squash, roasted red onion with thyme, peas. broccoli and onion gravy. We await for a belly space before eating some Banoffi pie. Jim supplied a deep, rich red wine...

Uncle Vanya ( 6 November 2009)

Just got in from 'The Young Vic' where the old man is in a workshop production of 'Uncle Vanya.' Interesting. The cast are strong. A dreadful moment when one of the actors had to cook macaroni cheese in an onstage...

Curry Up its bed time. ( 3 November 2009)

She's gone. The lodger has gone. The girl who locked herself in my spare room has finally gone. The funny little thing that made my life so difficult has taken her strange smell with her and gone. Some people rub...

London Sunday ( 1 November 2009)

There are so many leaves around that I await the train cancellations. Sunday in London consisted of up late and a shower. A long, hot shower which went cold in the middle because Jim put the tap on in the...

Up and Away game (31 October 2009)

Yesterday I cried on air. The topic: the lack of after care for servicemen who arrive back in England having done tours of duty. Alcohol abuse amongst the youngest, depression and Trauma amongst the least educated, paranoia and anxiety amongst...

The Plimsoll Line (29 October 2009)

I had to pre-record Will Young this morning at 10.15. I hurumphed out of bed. Groggy, knackered, hungry and late. Only did the minimum prep and left the flat in time for the 8.45 170. IT WAS LATE. When the...

A Bad Thriller.... (28 October 2009)

Cynical exercise or history in the making. It doesn't matter how it hangs thousands of people tuned in, turned up and turned on to Michael Jackson's 'THIS IS IT' the film of his last ever performance. 19 countries transmitted at...

Unusual traveling experiences. (26 October 2009)

It was one of them days. A car ride there, a tube ride here, a three hour show, a walk to Waterloo, a train ride back, a car trip to Battersea Arts Centre, a bus ride back to Leicester Square....

Sees fruit and leaves.... (25 October 2009)

23.40. Dark outside although there is a quarter moon. The new road lay out by St. Thomas's hospital is just a little confusing I nearly drove into the Plaza Hotel. Drove Bee back to Hackney. Right across London. Over Southwark...

Question Crime (22 October 2009)

The father of my daughter and I went to see 'End Game.' It was intense, cerebral, dark and worth a visit if you really know the play. Simon McBurney, he of 'Complicite' played one character, Mark Rylance, he of 'The...

All Change. (21 October 2009)

Foster carers, Menopause, and the lap-top generation, not to mention Travis Payne, Michael Jackson's choreographer. That was on the menu today at LBC. I pre-recorded Travis, a little nervous as I'm not a Michael jackson nut, although I do appreciate...

Disgusted from TWells. (20 October 2009)

So there's this reverend in Tunbridge Wells who says that playing Tina Turner at funerals is un-Christian and that the removal of sacred music is the beginning of the end. 'Death to Death' he said, he said he feels like...

Postal traumatic stress. (19 October 2009)

Am I the only person in England who cares about the Postal workers, it felt like it today. After many of your calls this afternoon I can see why members of the CWU feel abandoned and lonely in their struggle...

Sunday in Sussex (18 October 2009)

I woke up this morning, looked at the golden leaves on the oak outside the bedroom window, and decided we should go to Sheffield Park and look at the turning leaves. So we climbed out of bed and after porridge...

Hunker Munker (17 October 2009)

The cold sun is shining on the cottage wall, even the clematis looks chilly. I have just come back from my Mr. Bibby who has finally taken my body in hand. Apparently the chiropractor re-activated an old sprain, that's been...

Little Voice (16 October 2009)

Thank you to all of you for your suggestions of drugs and care...I am off to my cranial osteopath on Saturday so hopefully my fat ankle will deflate. And yes I have read my audio blog myself glitches and all....

The walking wounded (15 October 2009)

There has been chicken casserole and champagne going on. There has been Alison Moyet, Jackie Collins and The Cove all wonderful people. There has been so much pain from the wretched chiropractor that the cooking of the above and the...

ken and jacky.... (13 October 2009)

With a salami sausage in one hand and four little oatcakes in the other it's a little tricky writing this blog, but here goes anyway. I have just come in from The National Theatre. A memorial evening for Ken Campbell....

Mr & Mrs Humid-Efiar and their daughter Dee (11 October 2009)

22.21 Sunday Night. I am ashamed to say that the weekend is now 'Strictly Come Howsyourfather' then more rubbish with 'X Factor'. The weather was so lovely this weekend,but still the old git and meself had to go shopping in...

Baxter's Night ( 8 October 2009)

Where do I begin? Tomorrow I am going to a book launch in a cemetery! This evening I watched THE COVE about the slaughtering of dolphins, every September, in Taiji in Japan. Today we talked about Rape, Pets as Therapy...

Soup for supper ( 6 October 2009)

Why did i write bout Jane Bergermeister? Because I think any information that comes to me that may illuminate our troubled times is worth a punt. Today I did travel, travel and more travel. Barcelona and me. Tonight I am...

What conspiracy theory ( 6 October 2009)

http://theflucase.com/ is the website for Jane Bergermeister. Whatever you feel about conspiracy theories you must watch this video in the interests of your own health and your childrens. THE HABIT OF OBEDIENCE is what most of us have adopted in...

Conkers ( 1 October 2009)

Boil for an hour in vinegar. Put them on the window sill to dry. Take them round to the butchers, Catz in Brick Lane, or anyone who has a proper vice and drill. String em up and remember what it...

For Mr. T (29 September 2009)

I met up with Nick Thorogood, quite by chance at The Ivy. He was there with his partner, an ex-teacher and a publisher. I perched on the arm of his hair, snaffled his olives - his partner said nothing -and...

Mr.Max takes me out (29 September 2009)

The Doctor at the Ivy When we are both full blown And the sipping of the hedgerow sling whilst its dripping on my gown. The rising of the sun and the thanking of the cook And the downing of yet...

Funday (27 September 2009)

I took the 4.15 train to Hastings, Jim met me at Tunbridge Wells station. We had intended doing the Friday night curry thing but in the event I was still husky and hoarse and the first thing that called when...

The Husky returns (24 September 2009)

I took the bus and tube to work this morning. I had no idea whether my voice was going to give out on me but in the end it was okay. I woke up sounding like a bird had nested...

Hoarse face (24 September 2009)

I took the bus and tube to work this morning. I had no idea whether my voice was going to give out on me but in the end it was okay. I woke up sounding like a bird had nested...

Who Nose... (23 September 2009)

22.36 My throat is sore. My eyes are rheumy. My nose is so stuffed up I sound like a bunged up school boy. I had a great Sunday. Collapsed on Monday. Worse on Tuesday. Nearly buried on Wednesday. The bank...

Dorchester Doodlings (18 September 2009)

1.48. I tried to put new batteries in my flat phones. By that I mean apartment phones not horizontal ones..... Got back from the Dorchester and the batteries had leaked acid everywhere. So now I have no phones at all....

Shawshank Redherring (17 September 2009)

I went and saw the Shawshank redemption. It started at seven thirty, I was eating falafal in Gaby's by seven fifty two. Why would anybody want to make a stage piece out of a perfectly brilliant film. I was embarrassed...

Rain on my parade..... (15 September 2009)

I'm toying with putting the boiler on. My feet are freezing even though I am wearing little white knitted sippers. My fingers are frozen, I refuse to resort to mittens and my nose has a cold tip like Jackson used...

I love the NOLANS (14 September 2009)

Today I faced my own demons only to find that they were nothing but vain imaginings in my head. I LOVE THE NOLANS. they came into the studio and sang a cappella so beautifully the hairs stood up on my...

September 13th is over (13 September 2009)

dear Paul, Thank you for your concern, the Neurofen worked, although I have to admit they are always a last resort. It's 8.15 and I've tried to watch Joanna Lumley being cat woman but it was less about the moggies...

a gum deal (10 September 2009)

I came into London on the 9.36 train having been to the dentist. 5 Nurofen later my mouth still felt like a wild pony had kicked me in the New Forest. Sounds like an anatomical euphemism. The show was not...

Costa Cel Bono ( 6 September 2009)

My bites still itch. My tan still shimmers. Wolfgang Amadeus continues to amaze. I have no food in the flat, but Wolfie's Requiem feeds the soul. I came back to London early, worried that I wouldn't be prepared for tomorrow,...

Laying Ghosts to rest (23 August 2009)

Two days have gone as quickly as a darting dragon fly. I interviewed Dr. MAX PEMBERTON on Friday, the last person to talk to me before I started my two week break. He is incredible. Tall, blonde, blue eyed, clever,...

Talking about My Generation (20 August 2009)

I am reading the time. 22.25. Have been home an hour, eaten some home made ratattouille, watched 'Mock the Week' and the News. Compassion for the Lockerbie Libyan and free elections in Afghanistan. Bolt running to become the fastest man...

Yawn free (18 August 2009)

23.51. Two new clothes racks for the flat. Jim brought them to the Arcola and we loaded them into my little red Nellie. B and I ate a massive turkish meal, opposite the thatre, choked on cake and laughter then...

Mondays child was full of grace (18 August 2009)

CLEA MYERS has written a book called TWEAK THE DREAM. It is a harrowing account of her struggle with addiction.The woman is full of grace. Today she came onto the show and made me cry with her courage and fortitude....

Troillus and Cressida sandwiches (16 August 2009)

Driving back to the cottage of a Saturday morning....6a.m., nothing on the road. A little bit of radio, a lot of thinking. I had two parties two attend, one in Balcombe the other in Wimbledon, both lovely people, but I...

1-2 (13 August 2009)

One pineapple. One avocado. Two crispbreads and butter. One bowl of Special K with milk. One glass of water with two vitimin c tablets - orange flavour. One helluva day. One big 6 foot bed. One night ahead. One more...

Never the less (13 August 2009)

HAIRSPRAY. Not as good as the original cast but nevertheless a good night. SUPPER. Not as good as last night but nevertheless it filled my belly. LBC. Not as good as yesterday but nevertheless it filled the airwaves. JIM. Not...

Bon Bon Bonne (12 August 2009)

I had an ugly walk in this morning. Every turn ended up in a small street with no sun. Then I took a bus that didn't go anywhere so I got out at Vauxhall bus station and took another l'autoboose...

tiredness kills.... (10 August 2009)

Just because Ms Widdicombe is a politician it doesn't make her exempt from nerves. We come from opposite sides of the floor but she is a lovely woman. she is sitting in for James O'Brien who is on holiday this...

Hair brained ( 8 August 2009)

There was a man in my hair dressing salon this morning having his eyebrows dyed. I closed my eyes and listened to the fatuous conversation of the women around me. The vocabulary was straight out of an American sit-com. Whatever!...

It's raining and downandoutpouring... ( 6 August 2009)

I blitzed the bathroom, cleaned the fridge and talked to Sybil in LA-LA-land for a long time. Then I had a 'doughnut' peach, almonds, a mug of Heinz Tomato soup, a slither of onion and some crackers. Not necessarily in...

39 steps home ( 5 August 2009)

23.20. I walked over Battersea Bridge. The moon was so big and bright, the Albert Bridge so sparkly and pink the air so still, it was like being in a Nicholas Cage movie, I fully expected him to jump out...

Quinoa for the Queenoa ( 4 August 2009)

My acupuncturist put cups on my back, needles in my feet and a cushion under my head. She said she had to re-direct energy from other parts of my body because I was so exhausted. Now I have no energy...

Westminster Shabby ( 3 August 2009)

As I walked through the ticket barrier at Victoria tube station I was stopped by a security bloke. 'Show me your picture pass.' he said. I had no idea what he was talking about. 'Show me your ticket, id, your...

Chocago... (30 July 2009)

I am so stuffed full of 'Maltesers' my mouth feels like a facial loofah. My mouth feels like a facial loofah because I went to see 'CHICAGO'. So antsy was I that I needed chocolate to pep me up. I...

wednesday already (29 July 2009)

well I've just eaten a whole saucepan of cooked cauliflower, only half the colly mind you. Went to the YOUNG VIC to see THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE. An extraordinary piece. The writer went into a parlour of prostitutes, recorded them, and...

New Compooter news (28 July 2009)

This is my very first entry on my new computer. It's big it's fast and I've got to get used to the different keyboard and the new commands. There's no END button and as far as I can tell there's...

Two nights in the cottage (26 July 2009)

Rebecca Lenkiewicz’s adaptation of GHOSTS by IBSEN is intense, to say the least. The five actors perform in one little drawing room. The atmosphere oppressive and dark. The candles and gaslight that illuminates the last quarter of the play is...

Hair today and gone tomorrow (23 July 2009)

Okay so many of us know about Alopecia, but how many of us know that jaw realignment can make the difference between a bald pate and a good head of hair. I was so shocked when Dr.Mohammed talked to me...

Say it Again Sam (22 July 2009)

Dear Ann, as a matter of fact Siddhi is half Iitalian half Venezulan, she speaks four languages, has lived all over the world her last port of call was Hamburg. Does she call me 'Jeni the Jew?' No, but she...

The equation of my mind. (21 July 2009)

Tonight Siddhi the Kraut and I went to see such a bad play that we dared not look at each other. We left the theatre pretty damn quick. It was an ordeal watching a team of eight actors trying to...

The Sun'll Come Out Tamari. (20 July 2009)

When Tristram Stuart was born the angels must have known he was destined for great things. He is an inspiration. A maverick. A darn nice dude. A scavenger, activist, Cambridge Graduate, long-haired protester and a FREEGAN. So what is a...

Noisy Numpties (19 July 2009)

Please forgive me for a moment I just have to change out of these clothes I've been strapped into all day; a pair of black leggings with pink flowers over a pair of shiny tight M&S keep you thinner pants,...

The Plimsoll Line (18 July 2009)

Dear June, yup women have always had to consider their age; too old to get married, too young to be respected, too old to be noticed, too young to be taken seriously, too old to be visible, too young to...

Turn the 'age (18 July 2009)

Dear Fee, I knew it was James Stewart in 'Rear Window', I can see his face and hear his voice. But I got caught up in something in the kitchen and Peckory Greg got top billing. Watching footage of Fern...

Davy Jones' Mucker. (16 July 2009)

Jim pulls the curtains closed, I open them. Jim closes the curtains I open them, and so we play musical drapes. Our flat in Battersea is on the river, opposite loads of flats, next door to trees and round the...

Burma (14 July 2009)

This morning at 8.30 the new six foot bed arrived. Two big blokes refused tea, took away the old bed and left us with two tons of plastic wrapping and eight wheels that had to be pushed into the bed...

Alls Well That Ends well (13 July 2009)

First things first, lets not go down the route of bullying each other again. Scientists have a place, natural practitioners have a place, parents have a say in what they do with their children. I have a say in what...

Bee's buzzed off. (12 July 2009)

First it was movng all B's stuff from Brixton to East Sussex. I spent a whole day sorting socks, pants, bras, t-shirts, scarves, socks, t-shirts, pants, track suits, scarves and 53,000 trainers. From Battersea to Brixton from Brixton to East...

Thaid Up ( 9 July 2009)

I walked in really fast this morning. I stopped off in a chemist in Victoria and bought really expensive blister plasters. Buy cheap buy twice. I bought a packet of three from Asda and they were about as effective as...

Frozen River ( 7 July 2009)

I bought new blister plasters from a chemist in Soho. Got to LBC Towers ripped off the old elastic bandaids and replaced them with my newly minted cushioned one. Oh the joy of being flat-footed again. Coming home on the...

Flat broke... ( 3 July 2009)

I'm not one to complain about the weather but my flat is so hot it's making me irritable. I have a fan in the bedroom but the air is hanging like a cheap rainbow nylon sheet. We have the balcony...

thursday phew ( 2 July 2009)

two eggs, no socks, Mama Mia last night. despite my miserable countenance I really enjoyed it. Tonight Its Arcadia with the old git. It had better be air conditioned.... I have a tiny little German staying with me at the...

sunday in the smoke (28 June 2009)

The River Thames is very hight tonight. I am on thr balcony. Jim is reading me the television listings and i can hear the eaters from the nearby restauarant. This morning walked to the Butcher and Grill in the yellow...

nearly Nine (25 June 2009)

The weather feels like it did when I was a child. The air heavy and the scent of dog roses in the air. I sat on the balcony of the flat and shaded my eyes from the sun as Jimbo...

early birds (24 June 2009)

I've just seen a film the young woman got up at 5.30 every morning to write her blog which became the very film I saw. I'n setting my alarm....

witch way is up? (18 June 2009)

what are witches? What is it to be a pagan, wicca, druid type person? Are there more unusual folks out there than meets the eye? I think so and I'm lucky enough to attract all of them to my programme....

Here today Scones tomorrow (16 June 2009)

The perfect scone. Two halves - warmed Raisins and currants. Jar of cream. Jar of raspberry jam. Roadside caff in Pimlico. Cup of frothy coffee. Three new books. Warm sun. Taxi back. A quiet evening. Send your thoughts to Tehran,...

mundee (15 June 2009)

Tonight B and I went from Clapham South to St. Pancras, How things have changed. The train sped through Kentish Town, West Hampstead, Hendon, Mill Hill, Cricklewood, not necessarily in that order, and then Elstree and Boreham wood. I used...

Grounded (11 June 2009)

I wore green today and walked fast. i fell over last night and knackered my right knee, the last two times I grazed my left knee. I thought I was losing it, NO, said my acupuncturist, you just need to...

Ben Dearnley (10 June 2009)

Tonight B and I went to see her best friends project in Mayfair. It may sound grand, well it was actually, but they arn't It's a wonderful set of sculptors by BEN DEARNLEY. Sportsmen and women that he has cast...

gardenin' sunday ( 7 June 2009)

the top shed hasn't been looked at since 1988. There were more spiders than in Regents Park reptile house. Seven bags of flowers pots and forty eight tons of rubbish. Jim bought me a coffee at the garden centre then...

Life ( 6 June 2009)

Go to see Jude Law's Hamlet, he carries it off. Ron Cook is terrific as Polonious. Penelope Wilton glides as Gertrude. I fell asleep during it because I do three hours live radio. DUET FOR ONE with Juliet Stevenson Henry...

alas poor Yorrick I knew him.... ( 3 June 2009)

It cost £30 quid to get back from leicester Square this evening SOOOOOO much traffic. Neither Jim or myself could stand the walk since we had sat through three hours of Hamlet with Jude Law. I fear I fell asleep...

Cantona cinema ( 3 June 2009)

27 degrees and I took the Clapham Junction route. Down Falcon Road, on the train and then a sweet little trip to Waterloo. There was a free SOUTH AFRICAN newspaper on the seat. A story about branding people on the...

It's still only Tuesday ( 2 June 2009)

a boat ride in Brighton a car ride to work a train ride to London a walk in the park a trip to the movies a trip to a show It's still on Tuesday So onwards we go........

Dawter and mum (28 May 2009)

The weather was soft and warm when I walked in this morning. St. James Park was full of tourists feeding the squirrels. There's something about the tourist when they crouch next to the furry rodent, they all think they are...

Fluesday (26 May 2009)

My temperature was so high I slept on the faux-leather settee. I unstuck myself at 4.44a.m. Jim looked after me and left me a get well soon note. Our wedding anniversary was food, film and a fleeting journey to the...

The end of an era (18 May 2009)

Comedy capers (12 May 2009)

TODAY MY MOTHER WAS 87. I BOUGHT HER A BIRTHDAY CAKE WITH A CAT AND THREE MICE ON TOP.( in icing sugar silly), WE STUCK 7 CANDLES ON IT AND GAVE IT TO HER FOR BREAKFAST. two gifts:A BOX OF...

Sycamore Fever (11 May 2009)

monday night, and I'm all merangued out. Jim cooked a meatball pasta sauce that was enjoyed by three generations of female Barnett's. we then tucked into Eton mess my way. fruit, cream, merangues and more cream, icing sugar and a...

Acupuncturepoem ( 6 May 2009)

Needles in me elbows Needles in me spine. Needles in me ankle And now I'm feeling fine. Although the cups squeezed on me shoulders And the needles in me head Have made me feel like jelly So I'm taking to...

Staying Focussed ( 5 May 2009)

My life is slowly returning to normal. Jim goes home today. Bank Holiday Monday came and went. Now I just need to start writing again. Remaining consistent, holding onto my discipline, not back tracking. Gawd Blimy it's hard. Any tips?...

Swine Flu - never I'm jewish (28 April 2009)

I do not have swine flu. I do not have a viral infection. I have just picked up some horrible bug. Chucking up, loss of voice and generally feeling like doggie doo. having said that I will bust a gut...

Barbarians at the Barbican (23 April 2009)

If only I spoke French. I went to see 'Andromaque' by Jean Racine, at the Barbican. Full house, very intelligent, stark staging. Beautiful acting, but it was like watching two comics from the Fast Show pretending to be French. There...

Budget blowout.... (22 April 2009)

23.46. Today I was shelved because of the budget SO I attended a yoga class. Five of us in a little house in Clapham. The sun shone and I stood with my eyes closed for a lot longer than I...

Socks away (21 April 2009)

I've just stepped out of the bath. I can feel the warmth of the hot water in my bones. Everybody I know is busy and I'm left with such tiredness that I can't get my dander up to write. I...

Simple cooking (19 April 2009)

Diana Henry has written a book called effortless cooking every day COOK SIMPLE. I have boxes of cookery books and several recipes in my head but DIANA'S recipes are exquisite. The book really does what it says on the cover....

Gawd Blimey O'Riley.... (19 April 2009)

I know it's a disgrace. For some reason my rhythm has gone. This blog will appear again on Monday April 20th. I dare not promise just in case THE WAR HORSE is so good I cant bring myself to write...

Hot stones (11 April 2009)

Have you ever had a hot stone massage? One of my birthday gifts was a session with a massoose down in Hersmonceaux. I lay on my back on a bed of hot stones while other hot stones were rubbed into...

The Tooth will out (10 April 2009)

And so Friday arrived... I drove gingerly to the dentist. My little red car slotted into the parking space by the letter box. I was punctual and ready. Rome had been and gone. My holiday had been and gone. My...

The Moment of Tooth part two.... ( 6 April 2009)

Jim got back to the cottage before me. I arrived at 7.00. The clemetis had been massacred by our now ex-gardener which meant all the beautiful white flowers that adorn the wall every spring were not there. My passion fruit...

The moment of Tooth part one. ( 5 April 2009)

Croydon marked the end of an era. I had handed over my fifties to those that know and I entered my 60's in style. Well not that Croydon is Manhattan but the man who showed us where the stage door...

Wild Garlic on mothers day (22 March 2009)

Today I walked the orchard. Through the apple and pear trees. Over the style and I swear I could feel Jackson. I sat on the wooden cross bar and hung my head. The tears behind my eyelids were ready to...

The Big Mario (20 March 2009)

There's a boy in Bow who holds cross-stitching classes. Instead of making traditional samplers of 'Home Sweet Home' they make samplers depicting dripping blood, Banksy and anything that is 'anti-craft'. He grew up in Belfast but was taught to sew...

thursday I think (19 March 2009)

23.29. Alan Carr is on the television. I have eaten a bowl of greens and recovered from MONKEY at the Young Vic. Jim and I have jigsawed our days so that cars have gone into the garage, articles written and...

The return of the Old Git. (15 March 2009)

He's back. I'm thrilled. That's that...

Another way home (12 March 2009)

From the Houses of Commons to MI6. From Towpath Walk to Battersea Dogs Home. From Battersea Park Road to The Living Room. I left at 4.30, it's now 18.55. I am so tired I could eat a mattress. I am...

a box from marmite (11 March 2009)

off to walk. Marmites box arrived and all the cards are piling up. Thank you all for your good wishes. The sun is shining, I have managed to meditate and I've got a face pack on so it's hard to...

Extremes means Heinz ( 3 March 2009)

You walk some you ride some. You bus some you tube some. You train some you run some. This morning I walked some then treated myself to a Number 24 bus. I was forty-five minutes late. There are more traffic...

Saturday in Battersday (28 February 2009)

A trip to Battersea Park Road. Up seven flights of stairs each landing stinking of pee.... Into a little flat to look at some material for Sunday's International Womens day gig. It's not the colour I ordered but I'm sure...

Waterloo sunset. (27 February 2009)

This morning I legged it to Clapham Junction, took the train to Waterloo and walked over Huntingford Bridge. The air was clear. St. Pauls, The Gherkin and the OXO Tower were stark white against a blue sky. Most people walking...

February's nearly gone. (23 February 2009)

I interviewed Colin Firth this morning. He's tall and, well tall. Then I did a show, I dont know how I did I was exhausted from the weekend. And then the 'oosbind and I sorted out my 60th birthday bash....

Bulbs a plenty (21 February 2009)

The pressing need for me to buy a bag of John Innes compost and plant up some left over lame bulbs is now weighing heavily. So after a sausage sandwich, the 'oosbind and me will walk up the road and...

Enuff already (19 February 2009)

After the show I took the train back with squirming children everywhere. Half term breeds parents who want to fill their childrens time with The Science Museum, The Battle Ship Belfast and under water aquarium fish in all of three...

Neigh, neigh thrice neigh (17 February 2009)

Like the proverbial Phoenix I am crawling out of the ashes. I have been battered, bruised, berated and bullied. But now, with the help of my friends and family I am ready to rock and roll. I have a new...

Snow bound ( 3 February 2009)

Dear Martin and David in Jo'berg. I'm pleased to hear you're hanging in there and not too traumatised. Hymie thank you for you comments, and indeed thanks to the rest of you. I have been holed up in East Sussex....

Big Ben Chimes 9.00 (29 January 2009)

Everything squeaked this morning. The womans shoulder strap on her bag outside the Tate. The bicycle that sped past on Horseferry Street. My hips as I finally arrived at LBC. I left very early. Walked over Battersea Bridge. Over Albert...

ONLY WHEN I LAUGH by JACK SHEPHERD (28 January 2009)

I left the flat in the bright sunshine. It was cool and fresh. The boats looked like paper ships on a painted river. Walked over Battersea bridge, down Cheyne Walk right through to Pimlico, down past Victoria Station and then...

Ox-tails (26 January 2009)

Gung Hay Fat Choy! Happy Year of the Ox. I am pogged on dumplings and custard cakes. Thank you to the GOLDEN PALACE in China Town, wonderful service, atmosphere and of course food. I am replete on Jasmine tea and...

Hertfordshire and back (25 January 2009)

Allan Sillitoe on Desert Island Discs, was so predictable. From 'Old Man River' to his stories. Not that there is anything wrong with predictability but being surprised by a persons life is always uplifting - he did not uplift me....

Logs agogo (24 January 2009)

POSITIVE SHRINKING by KEVIN LAYE, has had hundreds of you wanting to know about tapping. Buy his book, it's only little, and you'll be able to tap, dowse and think your self slim - well that's what he says. I...

Friday night is musing night (23 January 2009)

A curry for a friday. I'm now so tired I can't remember me naan. Mind you she died 36 years ago. boom boom. night night....

To party or not to party (20 January 2009)

My eye was glued together when I woke up. Now it could be an eye-lash ( or ash-leye as Bee used to call it) or my insomnia. Whatever it is I woke up this morning in a fowl temper. Jim...

The night before Barakaday (19 January 2009)

It's all slowly revealing itself. Today the show was grown up and informative. Took a taxi home too tired to walk. Although this morning I found another route to South Kensington Station. I could hear myself chuntering to myself as...

Two days before inaugeration day. (18 January 2009)

Made the guest list for my 60th. Found the venue. Sorted the invites. Travelled back from the cottage in my pyjamas. Bought just the one Sunday newspaper. Put in the washing,. Blitzed the cottage. Tidied the flat and now I'm...

Excuses I have not......... (16 January 2009)

Yes know I should be ashamed of myself. I have no excuse, well actually I have, my keyboard kept jumping and missing letters, and my frustration level was so I High I wanted to scream Yesterday morning, whilst the old...

Thorsday ( 8 January 2009)

The Groucho Club, in Dean Street, is my actors club. Bernie makes life sweet, he hugs me in reception and makes me feel like Lisa Minnelli. I took Pammie and Paul, who are over from new York. I had a...

twitter or be damned ( 8 January 2009)

Cirque Soleil, Sunset Boulvevard two totally different experiences. One was big, in the Albert Hall, acrobats, ropes and headless overcoats, the other small, intimate with a team of actor musicians who somehow managed to make love whilst holding a trumpet....

The Last Supper ( 1 January 2009)

The river is as calm as a Japanese etching. It's 11.o'clock and four out of six of us are still sleeping off the excesses of 2008. The party went like this...........

Festive excessive (27 December 2008)

It appears that I have spent 5 full days buried beneath a mountain of wrapping paper sellotape greeting cards satsumas crackers turkey gammon 112 different kinds of cheese 78 different kinds of chutney and more games than mad mick. My...

Undecided of Battersea (18 December 2008)

8.41. on a frosty morning. I've watered the window boxes on the balcony. Should have put on shoes my feet are freezing. The river looks lovely all the houseboats outside the flat have Christmassy decorations which twinkle at night. I...

Synchronicity ( 4 December 2008)

I went to see a film at Bafta. It was so bad I left 20 minutes in. I had had a really synchronicitous night. I took the No.19 to Battersea Bridge, ran home, turned on the computer, re-arranged various bits...

3 day rule ( 2 December 2008)

It normally takes me three days to get over myself. Saturday has filtered down now so I can be more objective about Radlett. I'm chewing on a stick of celery, the flat is so quiet and my crunching so loud...

It's another Saturday Night ( 1 December 2008)

So Radlett came and went - a bit like life really. All that preparation and before you could say 'Dim those house lights please.' it was all over. The stage manager didn't make it, the agent didn't make it, the...

Full Fathom Five (23 November 2008)

Jim drove up last Wednesday so we could have dinner with Rupert Ponsonby at the new Gauchos. We were on time only we went to the wrong Gauchos. Walking swiftly into the one in Spitalfields - all stainless steel and...

Half Term (13 November 2008)

I made a decision to stay at home in the 'Cottarge' instead of going away. I made a decision that sitting in front of the fire with the old git would be preferable to hanging around an airport, travelling through...

No Complaints ( 6 November 2008)

The problem with venison stew with parsnip mash is that there is a fare bit of sugar in it - innit. I'm all a bit spinny and nauseous. My evening with the girls was short but sweet. Thursday at LBC...

Bedroom antics ( 5 November 2008)

When I interviewed TARELL ALVIN McCRANEY last week I had no idea I was in the presence of genius. THE BROTHERS SIZE and IN THE RED AND BROWN WATER are two plays about young black people. Their relationships, using Yoruba...

The night before tomorrow. ( 3 November 2008)

It's not the politics of envy but a fear that achievments are only ever described in pounds, shillings and pence, not to mention the yankee dollar. Lewis Hamilton stands to be the first ever Billion Dollar sportsman. One Billion dollars...

Lesley Douglas. (30 October 2008)

ch-ch-ch-changes I am sad that Lesley Douglas has resigned from radio 2. I am sad that it came to this. I am amazed at the backlash. Yes I think it's time all broadcasters everwhere, including myself, are made responsible for...

Sarf East Fashion (23 October 2008)

There are good days and sometimes better. Today was sometimes better. William Roache - KEN BARLOW off the street - is a gentle, sweet man. He believes what he believes. Doesn't try to make anybody part of his gang. The...

Zeit who? (22 October 2008)

Zeitgeist: the spirit, attitude, or general outlook of a specific time or period. The spirit of our time. The Zeitgeist, as I write, is uncertainty. Politicians blaming each other. Money lenders counting their gains behind closed doors. Even the scientists...

Walk On By (21 October 2008)

Two hours of television and my eyes spin round like fruit machines. I watched Gok - not sure what I feel about him. I like Joan Rivers joke - a lollipop named after him is a Gok Sucker.... Then I...

Pillow Talk (20 October 2008)

On Saturday I made beef stew with horseradish dumplings, buttery cabbage and celeriac mash for seven of us. We had apple crumble made with the apples from our garden. There was not one crumb left. The satisfaction of the perfect...

Out and Ashout (15 October 2008)

I arrived back at the flat and spent 45 minutes shouting. SHOUT NUMBER ONE I had a delivery delivered. I wasn't home. because I do a daily show on the radio.... The man I spoke to made it quite clear...

Lewisham Nights ( 5 October 2008)

It's a perfect day for staying in and reading the papers, doing the ironing in front of the radio, watching telly and sleeping in my own bed. The rain is lashing down. It's driving in from the South, on a...

Sweet nothings ( 2 October 2008)

Two sweet potatoes in the oven. One sweet man coming to the flat with my new dungarees and red dress. One sweet acupuncturist who has calmed me down for tomorrow. Hundreds of sweet calls, messages & texts from people wishng...

On the last day of September (30 September 2008)

My feet are stuck in four-inch-high-brown- sequinned-shoes. My feet have grey socks on as well the shoes, the better to stretch them. My hands are freezing. My legs are swathed in white and blue pyjama trousers. My torso is covered...

Areeba! (24 September 2008)

Tonight I got measured for my dress for an AUDIENCE WITH.... Shakeel has 9 days to buy the material and make it. I was all of a dither when he was measuring me. Apologising for my lack of waist, width...

Breakfast to Brighton Run (21 September 2008)

Friday night is fight night. It takes me three hours to get from London to the cottage. The cottage is dusty and dank because Gae, my organiser, cleaner and general bitchesbody is now living in Kuwait more weeks than not....

A Shaggy Bitch tail.... (18 September 2008)

Ok it's time to talk dirty. Dirty dogs actually. Its time to chew the fat about Dalmations. Back in 2003, or maybe 2 or even 4, Good Food Live took the programme on a jaunt to the US of A....

A Cemetery For Our Time ( 9 September 2008)

I sat in the bath wondering what to wear for the funeral. Ken Campbell was a man of vision. A luminary, some would say a nutter. He could have cared less what I was wearing. When we worked together he...

Click what a picture..... ( 8 September 2008)

The big table, in the flat, is covered in photographs. All black and white. Me waving my jazz hands. Me, playing castanets. Me playing the piano. Me posing backwards, straining my head to loook into the camera. Me hugging a...

Two times a nudist. ( 4 September 2008)

There are two reasons for my being naked. The first: Walking into the flat. Off with the outdoor attire, on with the body. I sit here, like Spike Milligan, or Monty Python''s lot, naked 'cept my wedding rings, necklace and...

The end of an era. ( 2 September 2008)

I used my gymstick this morning. A stick about so long, with two rubber foot stirrups. Rubber tubes that can be curled round the stick makes the length longer or shorter. The aim, by working against the stick, is to...

Dimanche 17th Aou (22 August 2008)

Samedi's sandals had done the trick, but Dimanche demanded firmer footwear. Team leader Linda, and I had decided on our itinerary, we knew where we were going and we knew how to get there, we were ready to go by...

Friday 15th of Aou... (19 August 2008)

I travelled to Paris with a bag that measured 16" by 10". It contained three pairs of black knickers, one tooth brush, a bottle of Chanel No. 5, a Mac red lipstick, a bergundy passport, a return ticket, an Oyster...

The Gums of Navalgazing (11 August 2008)

Bugger Uranus - or maybe it's Saturn! Having had the proper holiday its noses to the grindstone until Paris this weekend. And before you waggle your finger and accuse me of living the life of Reilly, I've been invited to...

Dog Day Afternoon (10 August 2008)

For thirteen years and seven months we had a big, soft, sloppy Labrador. He was walked just about every single day. When we were on holiday he was walked by friends and family. When it rained we put on galoshes,...

Marrakech - Part Five (21 July 2008)

Marnie and Will sent us photographs of their Riad in Marrakech. Pretty. Light. Beautifully clean. I felt SO hard done by. Jim says I will never be able to have a good holiday because I don't know how to relax...

Marrakech - Part Four (19 July 2008)

I'm not sure I know how to have a holiday. It's not that I'm a workaholic its just that I don't know what to expect when I give myself a vacation.. The old git says a holiday has to be...

Road to Marrakech - part three. (16 July 2008)

Morrocco is full of colour. Pink Earth. Blue and White Walls. Terracotta Tagines Black skins. Lemon lemons. Orange oranges. Ochre Mosques. Azure skies. Red Tomatoes. Golden brown dates. Pink and yellow leather slippers. Deep Royal Blue of the Tuareg Tribesmen,...

Road to Marrakech - Part One (13 July 2008)

Where do I begin....there's a song in there somewhere. We left England on Wednesday June 25th. The weather bright and crisp as I recall. The drive through Ashdown Forest was smooth and unruffled. Gatwick - North terminal - was empty,...

Sunday funday. (22 June 2008)

After a breakfast of scrambled eggs - Bill Granger style - bacon, fresh coffee and toast, I drove Aj back to his car. 21 year old boys who play American football really are sweet arm candy. The wind was fresh,...

night time reveries (22 June 2008)

The cottage has a hole where the dog used to be. Emmy, the cat, sleeps on the bean bag. I wonder if she is missing him too. But It is only my vain imaginings. The clematis flowers, huge great big...

Humbugs (18 June 2008)

Its Wednesday evening. I don't know whether it's me, my age, the planets, the weather, the time of the year, my impending holiday, my impending tax bill, my impending birthday. I don't know whether its because I am not exercising,...

Comedy and Tragedy. (28 May 2008)

There's something wonderful about driving into the centre of London when everybody is driving out. On Tuesday night I felt queasy, hung over, and not a little irritable, but it didn't stop me from jumping into the little red car...

Bank Holiday Madness (26 May 2008)

Its the end of a BIG four days off. The cottage feels a little more normal, even though there is a big space where the dogs bed was. On Friday I collected my newly mended motor, handed over the fancy...

Just a Change of Address (10 May 2008)

It's 21.12 and there's a dreadful wedding reception going on down stairs. Normally I wouldn't a mind a bit of Abba, but the 'Dancing Queen' looks a bit worse for wear and we haven't hit midnight yet. Can I bare...

tuesday news (29 April 2008)

The Northern man who shares my bed started coughing at 3.30. 'Orrible it was. Whilst he expectorated I turned to BELLERUTH NAPERSTEK. No she wasn't sharing our bed, I have a series of her cassette tapes. How to sleep, reduce...

Lets play catch up... ( 2 April 2008)

Thank you Fee for reminding me that Spurs got hammered!?&^% A big thank you to all my bloggers - me forget you? Perleasse. But now lets get down to some serious blogging. Ever since the sugar reading I have been...

1/4/8 ( 1 April 2008)

I have lost 3 stone. Have been given a new 14 part televison series travelling around the World discussing philosophy and food. Jackson is jumping over fences. I have just won £4million on the lottery. LBC are exending my contract...

Hali But..... (26 March 2008)

Dear Chrissie....and you others My Wednesday night meal comprised: Three glasses of pink champagne. Scallops in butter with parsley. Halibut and spinach. The food was just ok, the rest of the crowd were ridiculous. Because England were playing in France...

Birthday Bliss (24 March 2008)

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY WISHES. When I have scraped the snow off the cottage windows and dusted down the clematis on the walls, when I have walked Jackson and eaten the bestest ever shoulder of lamb infused with...

OK Thursday (20 March 2008)

OK Thursday is the day before Good Friday. It is cold, wet and completely unspring like. This morning I had to wear my gloves when I was running. Little black things they are, which grow when you put your fingers...

Sugar and Spice and all things nice (16 March 2008)

For those of you who heard Steve Allen go on about my blood sugar level,let me tell you that the idea of taking drugs is beyond the pale. I have taken myself in hand and cut out every bit of...

luna eclipse (21 February 2008)

Oh! the last three days have been a nightmare. What with the Lunar eclipse, blood sugar levels and tears from the young women in my life to cap it all my telephone went down, the computer stopped working so I've...

30 syllables (15 February 2008)

Oh what a beautiful morning. Oh what a beautiful day. I've had a funny old eeeevnin! I need to just hit the hay! night night...

Ivory Glowerers (13 February 2008)

And so the days turn into night and the heron stands on one leg. Not haiku poetry, or a portent but the reality of my life. I get up. I meditate. I run. I wash. I drive. I talk for...

Ready Steady Poe (12 February 2008)

Well what a to-do! The 239 is changing to the 170, I'm all at 6's and 7's. Jim has just dismounted from the 6.30 239/170, he called me from the bus stop to tell me not to be alarmed but...

Ah! Fresh bed Lenin (11 February 2008)

It's nearly midnight and I have done as much today as a crofter in Orkney does in a week - not that I would know what a crofter does -i'm being metaphorical or is it physical? Anyway after an interminable...

weekenders ( 4 February 2008)

Having a whole weekend with the old man, and not having to think about writing anything, or reading anything, was like going away for a month to the Maldives with only a sarong on my mind. We slept in, we...

THE LANE (24 January 2008)

Thank you for your well wishes. I am back tomorrow. I've rested up today because I had to go to the launch of THE LANE, Collin Browns new restaurant in Osbourne Street. It was a real swanky affair. My head...

Post Boat Spin (23 January 2008)

Spurs win 5-1 and I've taken to my bed. I awoke this morning with post-boat spin, nausea. I felt like I was going to die. Jim Davies is 'me' for a day, I hope I'm up for it tomorrow. Jackson...

To Dare Is To Do (22 January 2008)

Each day presents a new problem. Working at the PC, the boss walks through, and I get like a kid in the 5th form, waiting to be tapped on the shoulder to be told I'm naughty and I've done it...

The Primmies are up (19 January 2008)

Yesterdays show was as different from 'Breaking News' as building a snowman is from whizzing down the Cresta Run. We covered Public Displays of Affection, marriage, education, ageism and litter. I talked my lips off. Today I had my new...

The Last Sunday But One (13 January 2008)

I had it all planned out. I was going to Jim's penultimate perf. of the panto then drive home and write me blog. But my car got broken into. I cried more tears than the crocodile, but was comforted by...

Assaulted Batteries ( 6 January 2008)

This morning I made scrambled eggs, the Bill Grainger way, with loads of butter and cream. Hot bagels, smoked salmon and the freshest coffee you've ever tasted. 1 baby,1 mother, 1 father, 1 grandpa and 1 wicked step mother sat...

RSVP ( 6 January 2008)

It's fifteen minutes past the midnight hour. I'm waiting up to sing Happy Birthday to my girlfriend in New York. Pammie is sitting down, with 15 friends, at 7pm in Brooklyn. I should have been at the table but this...

The Eve of Christmas (24 December 2007)

Dear, dear all, The turkey's sitting on the draining board. The fridge broke. The hob stopped working. The washing machine is kaput. The fan belt on my little red car has gone all limp on me. Jim got nicked for...

Buzz Balls (23 December 2007)

The last Sunday before Christmas. On LBC we talked food around the world. We talked puddings and sweets and whale blubber. MARIA ELIA came in and told of life on a yacht and how to make turkey in a bag....

Winter Wonderland - rewrite (22 December 2007)

Sleigh bells ring, can you here 'em? In the bath and the bedroom, They sing ding-a-long. A merry old song. Waiting for a winter wonderland. I'm agog at the spending. Just one day, we'll be spending. Prostate on the couch,...

A Capital day (19 December 2007)

I spent all morning in bed making phone-calls on behalf of others. Then after abluting, transcending, adorning and scent, I climbed into the Jackmobil and headed off to Prospect Pictures. I haven't properly been back there since April, but I'd...

Return to Lender (16 December 2007)

Green fingers? Green food? Green Christmas’? That’s what we talked about on todays show. LUCY SEIGLE terrified the life out of me. Having to remember to shop without plastic, and then put your food into jute, not plastic bags, and...

Saturday Night musings (15 December 2007)

It's 9.15 on Saturday night. After too much Saturday night television I've removed myself from the sitting room. Tomorrow I'm packing up and going to the flat for a week. Sundays show is all about having a GREEN CHRISTMAS. Lucy...

Christmas is coming (15 December 2007)

Ok. Ok. I have been up and down to London. In and out of pain. Under the thumb. Round the houses. Past my best. And over the moon....

Minus 3 (12 December 2007)

Minus 3. Christmas Tree. In the pond till Saturdee. Today I had the fridge man in to mend the fridge. It was the thermostat. I made a cheque but tore it up, just like Chris Tarrant, when I realised that...

Green Christmas (10 December 2007)

Dear All, my ankle hurts, although I know it's really no excuse for bad verse. But here goes any way: I'm dreaming of a green Christmas. Not like the ones I used to know. Where the tree-tops tumble, and children...

An Insult ( 6 December 2007)

Well dear readers, As agony aunt to the less than famous, the indiscreet and the truly damaged, let me draw your attention to young Phils queary. Living in Thailand, as he does, and enduring Siam Suzie, which he does, Philip...

Pantotime ( 5 December 2007)

It's late. OH! NO IT ISN'T. OH! YES IT IS. I've just come back from Jim's first night in 'Mother Goose'. OH! NO YOU HAVEN'T . OH! YES I HAVE. There was so much traffic, and an accident coming back...

Mrs. B's Diary ( 1 December 2007)

I've kept a diary ever since 1981. Each year Jim would buy me a big full-page, A4, lined jobbie, which I would fill religiously with waffle. A different colour each year, so I have a library of red, blue, black,...

miles maketh a matyr (30 November 2007)

77 miles to Hertfordshire. + 77 miles back to Sussex. + 38 miles to Brighton. + 38 miles back to the cottage. + one whole bag of fresh pasta. + one whole head of garlic. + half a tub of...

Le plume de ma taunt (28 November 2007)

Sometimes the only thing to do is go with it. So I filled a bucket with hot water and floor cleaner and scrubbed the kitchen floor. Why I felt like ironing is beyond me, but I did. I then gathered...

I'm not a celebrity keep me in here. (27 November 2007)

I know there are bugs flying around because I've snapped one up. I have had a headache for two days that is so bad I feel like my eyes have been sewn up. I have visited the bathroom more times...

Manners maketh a wo-man (26 November 2007)

Dear bloggers, Thank you for your contribution this week. The Self Sufficiency show came and went. Now you know how hard it is to keep up the momentum. This weeks homework is ETIQUETTE. You, and food and manners. I heard...

It's not over until the fat lady sings (23 November 2007)

My cheeks are cold. I've just taken the old dog out for a run under the crispy brown beech leaves. The chestnuts are rotting, the new crop is sprouting and as I hugged my tree I heard my voice shouting...

one trip forward three trips back (22 November 2007)

I set off for a RAJAR meeting at LBC. Richard Parks was addressing the troops to tell them what he wanted, what he wasn't getting, and what he was expecting. I set off for LBC with at least 3 hours...

Caledonian Bhuddism (21 November 2007)

'What's for ya won't go past ya.' So said Joe's granny. Joe is the second youngest of nine, his dad was a copper and his mum a teacher. Joe is an exceptionally good editor. I met Rob, a brillyant (that's...

I'll take the High Road (18 November 2007)

Dear, dear bloggers. You did it again. I nearly managed to get you all on radio this afternoon. Your stories were really well written and bang on, so thanks. I'm off at 4.00 a.m. tomorrow to fly to Glasgow. I'm...

The Fresh Bean (17 November 2007)

Having been to TOADS to have my hair done, I set off in the drizzle to London Town. The hair stayed in tact. I have to admit to having a stiff neck from trying to keep my head as still...

chicken tikka soup (16 November 2007)

11.45 pm. I made chicken tikka soup. It was very tasty and filling. I am so full of chicken tikka soup that I fell asleep in the chair. I have no idea how much 'Children in Need' need. I couldn't...

Public Announcement (15 November 2007)

Oh Dear, Mrs. Jones, having to nit-pick after hours. Like most creeative poeple I ma extreemely bad at speeeling and grandma. The frost on the lawn, this morning, was a most welcome sight - normal November weather. Hurrah!. The old...

Words of Wisdom (13 November 2007)

After 6 hours sleep it was off to the dentist. This time for the daughter, who amazingly revealed that all of her wisdom teeth had torn through her gums without so much as a yelp. She had absolutely no pain...

Brass Monkey weather (12 November 2007)

Eee by gum but it was fair freezin' today in Sussex. I loved it. The old man and me took the doglet round the houses. By round the houses I mean, down the road, past half a dozen properties and...

Itchy Feet (11 November 2007)

Thank you for blogging. I hope some of you heard me reading you out on LBC tonight. Thank you for calling in. I actually had a conversation with Chrissie from Carcassone about Toulouse sausages and her preferred method of eating...

Godparent party (10 November 2007)

1 mountain of mashed potatoes with celeriac, garlic, butter and cream. + 1 sea of sausages, pork, venison and lamb. + 1 ocean of onions cooked in butter and cream. + 1 prodigious pile of peas in butter. + 1...

Chippolata Party ( 9 November 2007)

I ran, I walked, I conkered. I booked a flight to New York for B. I shopped for sausages. I ordered my turkey. I had coffee with my Homeopath. I made an unctious lamb stew with harrisa paste, one bottle...

back dated news ( 9 November 2007)

I ran, I walked, I conkered. I booked a flight to New York for B. I shopped for sausages. I orderd my turkey. I had coffee with my Homeopath. I made an unctious lamb stew with harrisa paste, one bottle...

From bad to verse. ( 7 November 2007)

Eighteen ducks sitting on the wall. Sitting in a line, then one gave a call. Eighteen ducks flying off the wall. All in a line, one and all. Two fat crows sitting on the wall. Eating biscuits, paper and all....

Tempit Figit ( 6 November 2007)

I took my seat in the Tipper Chair, a big blue bib was secured round my neck and whoosh I was up-ended. The protective glasses were placed over my eyes, the curing light switched on then Mr. W. probed my...

2's company 3's a treat ( 5 November 2007)

On Sunday I pootled around the flat until it was time to go to LBC. The show was all about Fussy eating kids, winter risottos, soups and fireworks. Some callers called, texters texted and Glen e-mailed me from Hamburg. Annabel...

Sausage Tails ( 3 November 2007)

The time as come to make this blog more interactive, so here goes. I took some of my family out to eat. Lunch in a pub. We all had different versions of sausage and mash. This morning on Radio 4's...

Jack's Place ( 2 November 2007)

I ran. I wrote. I really enjoyed me meal with Jim at JACKS. Jack Talkington was a 'pound a round' boxer,he met Jimmy Carter's brother, who worked for the White House security team so now all of Jack's restaurant walls...

If you could see it through my eyes ( 1 November 2007)

It's 12.15. I'm eating Ryvita. Clarence is asleep in his bed. Jim's at home in Sussex. Jackson is on his bed - I'm told. I read an article today by Bruce Fogel the famous vet who's married to Julia whatshername....

Idiot Alert ( 1 November 2007)

Dear lovely bloggers. I have just accidentally deleted all your lovely comments. I am gutted. If you've still got them send them again and I'll publish them. I'm off to see CABARET now, it's their first year birthday, I have...

Pop-ups (31 October 2007)

The sharp air cut through my befuddled head. I meditated, and researched words for the book. So I went and bought washing up liquid and three newspapers from the corner shop. The corner shop is on The Square. Rather than...

Spider Woman (30 October 2007)

The new clock, hanging on the wall in the bedroom, gave me a real feeling of security. Why? I have no idea. But I woke up and it made sense of the day. The light was very bright, the sun...

The Savages (29 October 2007)

I was doing my shopping in Waitrose - ok I know its a supermarket but if I have to stock up then at least Waitrose has a conscience. I was wandering round buying bio-degradable bin bags when my phone went....

Hello Eeen.... (28 October 2007)

Todays LBC was all about Halloween. TONY EDWARDS talked about the history of the Pagan festival from The Celts to now, told us a story, sung us a song, the least I could do was invite him back. Rupert Ponsonby...

Hickory Dickory Dock..... (27 October 2007)

it's 23.03, although for the sake of my body clock it's only 3 minutes past ten. The clocks go back tonight and I'm pleased about that, an extra hour in bed. I have to change the time on the cube...

Picture perfect. (26 October 2007)

The river was up today grey and swirling. My mood was a bit like the river. My printer had broken down and so had my patience. I had a shower, got dressed then Jim and I bussed it into Piccadilly....

From Beer to BAFTA (26 October 2007)

Sometimes my days are so full I forget myself. Today was such a day. It started out with a blitz of the flat, a call on the phone, a write of the diary, a call on the phone, a meditate,...

Mr. & Mrs. B's Night Up West. (24 October 2007)

Mr.& Mrs.B. go out for a date. They spend £100 on tickets to go to the theatre in the West End. Its a very nice theatre with lots of famous people in the audience and a cast of exemplary actors....

A day in the life of a superstar........ (24 October 2007)

Hooveringironingwashing shoppingcookingsweeping shoutinglaughingcrying writingthinkingscreaming walkingdrivingrunning scrubbingdustingsweeping talkinglisteningwatching fightingcleaningweeping packingloadingspending moaningyawningsweeping moppingscrubbingeating bathingreadingsleeping zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Goosey Goosey Gander (23 October 2007)

Today Jackson was 13 years of age. Jim and I sang him Happy Birthday. He 'herrumphed' a thank you, a kind of breathy neigh. I called up B, she shouted out Happy Birthday - he barked his thanks. I called...

Chicken Soup and Pate (21 October 2007)

21.46 of a Sunday. It 's cold round the ankles and the moon is half full. The first chicken soup of the season is bubbling away on the back burner; me knaidlach, (matzo-meal dumplings) have risen to the surface nicely...

Pensive Ponderings (19 October 2007)

What a funny time this is. The BBC slashing so many jobs. Perer Fincham resigning. ITV being accused of fraud. Im working in an industry which is tearing itself apart. Fewer and fewer people are able to find work, more...

Mercury Makes You Mad (17 October 2007)

The last four days have been dominated by technological breakdown, resulting in personal 'meltdown'. I know that when Mercury, the planet of communicaton, goes retrograde, things can get a little tricky but the postal strike, internet failure, computer crashing, email...

Other people eat to live...... (13 October 2007)

'The Frieze Art Fair' in Regents Park, was full of arty collectors, rich gallery owners, Richard E Grant and poseurs. Some of the work was good; I particulalry liked Evan Penny's bald man and Pam Ferris lookalike. They hung on...

The Plimsoll Line (12 October 2007)

Jim and I took Jackson for a walk. We met a little Staffordshire terrior who was 16, three pugs who were not, a woman from Halifax, a lady from Leeds and a ream of runners. Then when we got to...

Pearl before swine (10 October 2007)

We have a shed in our garden, it's called 'Le Shed'. One half is my writing shrine the other is where music gets written. Jim has a shed, it's called 'His Shed'. We have another shed in the garden full...

MSU ( 9 October 2007)

Dear Colin, me YAK?! I've never yakked in my life - talked the hind legs off a donkey, now that's different. And dear Janey B, if it ain't the foxes running amok it's the geese that are giving you goose...

lov letters ( 9 October 2007)

Tonight we went and had a meal in a Nepalese Restaurant. The owners name is LOV. Lov is a luv. night night....

It's all lunacy ( 7 October 2007)

Dear Anne, you are absolutely right. The Great Storm was 20 years ago. I should know that because the kid is now 20. I should also know that because I am twenty years older, over the hill and away with...

Community Spirit. ( 6 October 2007)

I can hear the fireworks from Rotherfield Carnival. You can see the purple, red orange and white sparkles way up in the sky. Back in the Great Storm of 1987 the spire of Rotherfield Church went through the roof. You...

These Feet Are Made For Walking ( 5 October 2007)

Jackson and I walked very slowly round the houses this morning. It was a sharp, crisp day. Felt like Sweden tinged with Connecticut. Bulbous blackberries hung in clusters, but I left them alone - in October they belong to the...

She's scored a Haptic! ( 3 October 2007)

Autumn in the cottage has to be seen to be believed. Johnathan's Virginia Creeper is the colour of bergundy wine. The Beech trees are alternately brown and copper, the Michaelmass daisies are out and the smell of fungi pushing through...

Non, je ne regrette rien. ( 2 October 2007)

I dont see the point in having regrets. What is done is done. If I had given any energy to the numerous events that have happened in my life, which in the cold light of day make even me blush,...

On the Last Day of September (30 September 2007)

It now smells of autumn, a fusty, musty earthy aroma which surrounds the cottage at this time of year. I'm waiting for the mushrooms to appear. We have shaggy ink caps round the back of us, puff balls at the...

Delfina (29 September 2007)

For five years Maria Elia came onto Good Food Live. She fused and combined all sorts of crazy ingredients; served up everything from prawn and watermelon curry to artichoke ice-cream; turned our heads with her humour and perspicacity and impressed...

5768 (25 September 2007)

Happy New Year. It is now, according to the Jewish calender, Five Thousand Seven Hundred and Sixty Eight. The year, 5768, is calculated by adding up the ages of certain people in the Bible back to the time of Creation....

Afternoon Tea-vee (20 September 2007)

September 2007 is nearly over and along with millions of others I'm SAD. We've not even had an Indian summer to speak of. I'm afraid you find me watching telly on a Thursday afternoon as the charcoal grey clouds over...

Pinky and Perksy (17 September 2007)

There are definite advantages to doing a foodie programme. The organic box company sent me a box of organic fruit and a bag of organic potatoes. I unpacked them, gave two punnets of pink strawberries, 6 peaches and a kettle...

Do you want to know a secret? (12 September 2007)

Listen,ooh ooh ooh, Do you want to know a secret?, ooh ooh ooo. Do you promise not to tell whoawhoaeeeh....well that wasn't an option for Dr.John DeMartini who was diagnosed with learning disabilities when he was 7. At 14 he...

It's still SEPTEMBER (11 September 2007)

Dear Nit pickers, yes of course I meant to write September not December on my last blog, but the way the time is going it might just as well be Christmas. The weekend has been absolutely manic, none of my...

Art for Arts Sake ( 7 September 2007)

I couldn't get back to sleep after I heard the sound of running water, it was, in fact, Jim pressing an indigestion table out of it's silvery tray - too much Bordeaux last night - it was 5.30 and since...

My Home is my Saucepan ( 4 September 2007)

The sun did not wake me this morning, the alarm did. I want so badly to like him but John Humphries really irritates me. He argues just for the sake of arguing so at 7.00 when Radio 4 came on...

September ( 3 September 2007)

It's only 9.o'clock but it's as black as Newgates Knocker outside. I've had to turn up the heating, put on a grey fleece, close the windows and drink a mug of something warm. It's 14 and a bit weeks until...

A Moth in my Pocket (30 August 2007)

I walked over Battersea bridge today smiling. Two reasons, the first being that my face in repose, with its down-turned mouth, has the look of a depressed camel - ever since I saw myself in a shop window and wondered...

The world's my oyster (24 August 2007)

I didn't have a lot of sleep, owing to the old man's birthday bash last night. But I was called this morning, at 8.24 precisely, by Radio Kent for my opinions on whether women were happier and more content than...

Birthday bash (23 August 2007)

Having Jackson in the flat is a real alarm call. I wake at 7.00 (although this morning it was 8.00) and walk down the hall into the living room. Jackson has taken up residence under the table, next to the...

Lookalikes (21 August 2007)

It's 8 minutes off 5 0'clock. I have finally managed to get myself back into some kind of health and fitness regime. NINA ANDERSON, my lovely personal trainer has waited patiently for me to turn a corner, and by that...

Rien ne Change ci rien ne change (16 August 2007)

I have had many hairdressers in my time. Back in 1962 my father took me to a salon in Dunstable as a treat. I think it was called 'Curl up and Dye'. I came out looking like a very bad...

Sunday the 12th of Never (12 August 2007)

It's 12.14pm on Sunday the 12th of Never. Jim is on his hands and knees screwing screws out of one drawer so that he can put another drawer where the old one came from so that the first drawer goes...

Flat white ( 8 August 2007)

Soho is one of my favourite places in London. Berwick Street market has been around ever since I started dieting. I once got a job in Harley Street to pay for my habit - I sorted files so that I...

7.8.7. ( 7 August 2007)

Well, what a time its been. The inside of my head has felt like the inside of a kettle that's all furred up and hasn't got one of those funny metal jobbies you put in to collect up the limescale....

Who'd have thought it? ( 1 August 2007)

The first day of August and it was warm and sunny. I ate blackberries and porridge at the kitchen table with a shaft of sunshine lighting up my oats. Then I put on a bikini. Don't panic - this is...

Oxymoron ( 1 August 2007)

An oxymoron is a combination of contrary ideas, a phrase seemingly absurd but really significant like 'in this shrill hush of quietude' or 'proud humility', which perfectly describes my moronic behaviour at the moment. The comments on this blog do...

FullMoonday (30 July 2007)

Well I don't know about you, but I feel as nutty as a fruit cake. But then they say that happens with the full moon, don't they? Whoever those they are. The Moon is staring at me through the window....

What d'ya wanna make those eyes at me for? (26 July 2007)

I had to get dressed today as I had an appointment at the opticians. I put on a pair of trousers that were loose enough to pull down when I needed to without having to undo the button or zip....

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I'll love ya tomorrow (25 July 2007)

Finding a structure is the thing. I'm told not to go to bed too late. But being on my own without a structure means I dribble around, reading, writing, telly-grazing and end up going to bed in the wee small...

Here comes the sun (24 July 2007)

I got complacent and didn't take Jackson out late last night. I opened the door and followed the trail of his widdle. Then we went for a brisk walk. I had on a t-shirt, fleece and my pyjama trousers. Half...

It's another Saturday Night and I ain't got nobody... (21 July 2007)

It's 9.30pm. Jimbo is down stairs re-writing his Punch and Judy part for the Globe. He has just sent £30 off to Prof. Doc. Jingles or Jangles, a man who lives in Norfolk. The Prof sent him two 'swazzles' so...

The day that the rains came down (20 July 2007)

Last night the sound of the rain on the red plastic table cover in the front garden lulled me to sleep. It was noisy and rhythmic. When I woke at 7.00 this morning the rain was still tumbling out of...

Is it that time already...? (17 July 2007)

16.26 and all I have done is drive and sit, wait and drive, sit and wait, sit and drive. Somehow I am managing to meditate every morning, but that's about the only constant at the moment. I am reading the...

Moanday (16 July 2007)

Rum time I say! What with the weather and all. I don't know what day it is. I made a list of all the topics I wanted to talk about but lost the list. The weekend was so short. I...

Travellers Tales (10 July 2007)

Jim shouted 'I said get me up at 7.30', but I thought he said 8.00 so the pair of us were running around like blue-arsed flies this morning. He managed to get out in ten minutes. Off to the dentist,...

7/7/7 ( 6 July 2007)

I don't know how to post a picture of me. I'm sure somebody will tell me after this entry. I'm now being invited by 'friends' to go on Facebook, but I'm completely in the dark as to what I have...

Sleepless in See-Sussex ( 5 July 2007)

Whenever my girlfriends come to stay, I burn the candles at both end. I have my cake and eat it, whilst biting off more than I can chew. All in all, I am clinched out, cream crackered and so full...

The postman always rings twice ( 3 July 2007)

Well, just as I said, the postman arrived and I signed for BB's 'Love Box Weekend' tickets. My, that sounds like a good day out, especially with the weather we are having. It snowed in Battersea this evening... The postman...

JaTuzzdi ( 3 July 2007)

There is an awful lot to do in the country. So far today I have juiced a whole pineapple and a massive papaya, taken the dog to the field and waited for him to widdle in the wet grass, sorted...

Sungrey (24 June 2007)

Blimey, 'what a grey day', to quote Larry Grayson. The rain has been constant since I awoke this morning. Not that it really mattered since I had no pressing external commitments so I've been in my Marks and Sparks pj's...

Shrek in Chelsea (23 June 2007)

To Jill, I know it's hard to find work when you're sixteen. My twillage employs all the young folk in three supermakets and, of course, I don't approve. But I am not so naive as to think that all the...

The Long-er day (22 June 2007)

Somehow I missed the moment yesterday. My timetable is 'f''cocked' - trying to fit everything in is almost impossible. How I ever managed to run my life whilst doing GFL is beyond me. When I am in town next week,...

Morris Barnett's trainers (20 June 2007)

When I was on GFL, Simon Rimmer and I used to talk about running. He's been pounding the turf for years, whilst I started two years ago. Since I've been back from America, what with all the changes, my knee...

Day trip (19 June 2007)

It has been such a weird week. So full of this and that, I've hardly had a moment to reflect. But I feel really unbalanced not writing, so, even though my eyes are propped open with matchsticks, here goes. It's...

Publish and be Damned (15 June 2007)

On my drive up to London I listened to the 'The Maltby Collection' by David Nobbs on Radio 4. The double-barreled good looker from 'Green Wing' was in it, as was Richard Palmer. It was funny and so well written...

Transmutation (14 June 2007)

I took Jackson for a walk in the Hollies. We drove over the cattle grid, parked the car and gingerly walked past half a dozen very big bulls chewing the cud. The weather was balmy. When we got to the...

The last apprentice (13 June 2007)

Look, there's no beating about the bush today. The final of 'The Apprentice' with Alan Sugar is on at 9.00 and I have to make myself a salad and stop crying. No, I have not turned into a sniveling feeble...

Press night shambles (12 June 2007)

Tonight I was going to the Globe to see the 'Merchant of Venice.' My husband got two complimentary tickets for the seated area. No groundling scamble for me, darlings. It was the Press night. Performances are always better when there...

A Day at Drusilla's (12 June 2007)

The computer read out said 00.00 when I started. No time like the present eh? Although I always find 00.00 a strange 'moment' in time. It's as if for 60 seconds we just don't exist. In my haste to write...

Midnight and beyond ( 9 June 2007)

It's just gone Jools Holland. I fell asleep in the chair, having driven more miles today than a rally driver in Monaco. Jim is in the flat, BB is in the attic, and I am on my last legs. Don't...

6-6-7 ( 6 June 2007)

I wish I had blogged yesterday because it was 5-6-7. Don't you love that kind of cosmic joke? Like looking at the clock and it saying 12.34, or it being 7.7.7, which it will be next month? Anyway, I missed...

Monday, June already ( 4 June 2007)

There has been so much to do, and so little time to do it, I can hardly remember the peace of the wheatgrass farm. I made notes so that I wouldn't forget anything but I always doodle backwards, mirror writing...

St. Albans (30 May 2007)

St. Albans in Hertfordshire is one of my most favourite places on Earth. It has such lovely memories for me. When I was studying the piano I would be taken on the 358 bus, past three mental hospitals and a...

Chewsday (29 May 2007)

Every morning I have to remember to chew my food 30 times. That's okay if you're eating a jolly nice piece of succulent lambikin but when it comes to a bit of sprout, it does get just a tad boring....

Bank Holiday Sunlessday (28 May 2007)

Bank Holiday Sunlessday. I have had to wear a thick fleecy blue sweater, Jim's black anorak, thick sweat pants and my new trainers to keep out the wind and the cold. Everybody is sneezing. The roads are waterlogged and the...

Wet and damp in Sussex (27 May 2007)

The weather men were right. California is meant to be sunny - and it was mostly. England is meant to be grey and wet with an overcast of depressing gloom - and it is mostly. We haven't even taken Jackson...

Home at last (22 May 2007)

Hello, I am back. It's Wednesday today. At least, I think it is. My body clock is telling me it's not the day I think it is. But an acupuncture needle in the right spot should do the trick. The...

Bliss city (13 May 2007)

Hello, you lot. Darling Rod, my swarthy flight attendant, I am flying back on Sunday 20th, the evening flight. Cancel all your plans. I need you to see the new me. Now, thank heavens I can fit into one seat....

San Diego days and nights ( 7 May 2007)

Well, as I slurp yet another green juice, you are all safely tucked up in your beds. It's 5.40 Pacific time which makes it nearly 3.00a.m. so if you are an insomniac, Good Morning. The drive down to San Diego...

Venice beach (29 April 2007)

Alex Baldwin is on the telly talking about parental alienation. Sybil the soothsayer is having a lie down. Maggie, my hostess, is in the kitchen and the last remnants of the gecko have been retrieved from behind the armchair. Sam...

Hollywood (28 April 2007)

Well, finally I am able to get into the site. It has taken three days and countless long distance phone calls and emails, but I think we are there. Here's hoping. It's 10.10am my time, 6pm your time. I'm forever...

The night before the morning after. (25 April 2007)

Well, just how quickly does it come round? One minute you're booking the tickets on e-mail and wondering whether it really is too much money to be spending on three weeks away in a ridiculous clinic in the desert, being...

Pack up your troubles (24 April 2007)

Well, it comes to a pretty pass when your husband marks your spelling in front of the Nation. That deffinattelee is not the done thing, Jim! Dear brighton Beau, forgive my assumptions, and for God's sake, Crawford, lay off the...

Tuesday, the dustbin day (24 April 2007)

Ah! Marmite girl, marmite girl, you are as rare as seawater pearl.The big apple eh? You are nothing but a gad about girl. Darling Maria Elia - if you don't go to her restaurant in Borough Market you don't deserve...

The Bard's birthday (23 April 2007)

I've had my fix of 'Corrie' and eaten last night's left overs. I've talked with Jim, who's in the flat, and written up a treatment for a new show so now it's time to reflect on Sunday and today. I...

Just about Saturday (21 April 2007)

I know it's late but BB called and asked me if I was tired. When I said no, and I should have seen it coming, she asked me to collect her from her University halls so she could finish her...

Mow that lawn (20 April 2007)

To all of you wonderful people in Australia, I can't tell you what it means to have your sunshine on my blog. Thank you so much for bothering to write to me. And to you, Dear Marmite Girl, my ulcers...

Buggered from Brugger (19 April 2007)

I am back. It's 23.02 English time. Out there in Belgium it would be 00.02. All them noughts. And yes, it was me in Brugger. I know we say Brughe, but they don't. Lovely to hear from Cutesy, my wonderful...

Friday 13th (13 April 2007)

Right, first things first. Thank you for the cat pee suggestions. Especially Vinegar John in Shotts. Jim said he thought of it first, and told me to pour vinegar on it last week. I don't think he did but then...

Wild garlic (12 April 2007)

The weather was so fresh. The old geezer and I went for a walk. Jackson on the lead. Over the main road. In through the gate and there's the orchard. The trees are budding quite late so there is no...

India can wait (11 April 2007)

What's the worst I can do? Lie. Well, it wasn't exactly a lie. Somewhere deep inside my addled brain I really thought I would go to India but here's what happened. For three nights I haven't slept. I'm not saying...

Courage mon brave (10 April 2007)

Okay, Good Food Live has finally been confined to the media dustbin. After five years of eating, laughing, interviewing, drinking, posing, munching, crying, learning, the new powers that be decided to take us off air. The set got cruddier, you...

Copyright 2007, Jeni Barnett. Website produced by Chopstix.