Jeni Barnett

Ad Infinitum

Haggis and Me ( 8 March 2010)

Haggis for tea. Haggis for tea. Haggis and spinach for Jim and for me. Telly with tea. Telly with tea. Telly with haggis for Jim and for me. Acupuncture for me. Acupuncture for me. Acupuncture with haggis and spinach for...

JB entertains JB ( 4 March 2010)

Tamsin Greig, Harry Lloyd, Gemma Arterton, and Rupert Friend, stood on the stage at THE Garrick Theatre and entertained a good house in THE LITTLE DOG LAUGHED. Written by Douglas Carter Beane, now I was tired so I really was...

The devil is in the detail. (28 February 2010)

Dear RUSSIAN ICE STARS. Thank you for magnanimity. I will look at my schedule. Thank you so much for your invite. I am humbled....

sincere apology (28 February 2010)

Dear Vee, my total apologies. I AM SINCERELY SORRY FOR THE MIX UP....

Skating on thin ice (28 February 2010)

No cottage this weekend. I miss the green, the cat, my neighbour Jonfan. I miss the air, the dark the peace BUT this weekend its been all systems go. I rushed out of the flat this morning to buy B...

Celebrity City (24 February 2010)

HOWARD GOODALL, the composer, talked to me from a school in Kennington. He has got 30,000 schools on board to become musical establishments. Today is 'National Sing Up day'. Teachers joining in and children standing proud as they open their...

To Beard or not to Beard (23 February 2010)

The 'oosbind of thirty odd years left for Warwickshire this morning. He took a bag of clothes, a basket of wine bottles and his lap top. He left at 9.30 and gave me a perfunctory scratch with his Royale. Thats...

The Pelican Brief. (18 February 2010)

I've just come in from 'The Wolseley', the posh restaurant next to the Ritz. I was treated to liver and bacon courtesy of a wonderful man I have known for years. He works for a publishing house and represents Jackie...

Grinding to a halt. (16 February 2010)

Battersea Bridge is taking the brunt of the traffic. Albert bridge is closed and my taxi driver, this evening, told me that it cost £39.50 to get from Kensington to Leicester Square, he feels sorry for his fares! Miles of...

Arts and Minds (13 February 2010)

So I got there early having been to a caff next door where I downed the biggest baked potato since the famine, more baked beans than Heinz, a coconut cake and a pot of Earl Grey tea. The proprietor called...

Building Jeff Bridges (10 February 2010)

I had a massage last night which included a guided meditation and a re-arranging of my ankle. This morning it hurt so much I had to take three Nurofen. By this afternoon the pain and misery of months seems to...

Wrinklies forever. ( 9 February 2010)

Everything is fine. This morning a big, plump South African rung my bell. He came upstairs and with notebook in hand, took down fastidious notes about cleaning my carpets. Then a young man from the Far east, and I don't...

A Dear Jonno letter. ( 3 February 2010)

Thanks to all of you callers today. Jonno thinks I should be taken off the airways and that I should ask for forgivenss for my views on the MMR vaccine. I like being on the airwaves, making waves, trying to...

4 give ness (31 January 2010)

Thank you all for your supportive comments. I think this blogging lark is remarkable, even if I am a twit when it comes to the workings of it. I watched a wonderful documentary about the world wide web, the internet,...

Homage to Pedro (27 January 2010)

I slept in until 9.15 this morning. Booked the man to clean my oven. Left my phone to discharge itself. Took the 170 to Victoria. The tube to Leicester Square. Felt like I was made out of India rubber, it...

Souper (26 January 2010)

The old git doesn't get in until after eleven. He's been thrashing out his servant at 'The Lyric', Hammersmith. The first half of 'The Three Sisters' is not good, the second half better. By the time he gets home he...

Jeni staring at men (21 January 2010)

When the old git dies I'm setting up home with Jeff bridges. Ewan McGregor can polish my pantry and George Clooney can do whatever he likes. 'Men Staring at Goats' is a wonderful film and so is the Prince Charles...

Pets are people too..... (20 January 2010)

Apart from talking to Roger Reese and Sir Ian Mckellan, wonderful men who made me miss being an actress, I talked to people about what they fed their pets. An article in the newspaper shone the spotlight on the tins...

Blackberry Blues (18 January 2010)

I have a new Blackberry I hate my new Blackberry I cannot understand my new Blackberry. It is more irritating than the most irritating presenter on Channel 5. I am seriously thinking of giving back my Blackberry. With all that...

Blackberry Blues (18 January 2010)

I have a new Blackberry I hate my new Blackberry I cannot understand my new Blackberry. It is more irritating than the most irritating presenter on Channel 5. I am seriously thinking of giving back my Blackberry. With all that...

Blackberry Blues (18 January 2010)

I have a new Blackberry I hate my new Blackberry I cannot understand my new Blackberry. It is more irritating than the most irritating presenter on Channel 5. I am seriously thinking of giving back my Blackberry. With all that...

Hurrah For Gary. (14 January 2010)

Is the rain preferable to snow? I think so I can see the green of the grass.. Jonfan called me from the cottage, the guttering is frozen and it looks like the cellar is going to flood from all the...

MARCH 21st. RADLETT CENTRE. (13 January 2010)

The old git is in 'The Three Sisters' at The Lyric in Hammersmith, he's playing the same part that Eric Sykes played. He never shares anything about the production so I have no idea what he's doing,how he's doing it...

AVAGO at AVATAR (12 January 2010)

Today I shouted on air. I shouted about £2.5bn of our tax payers money being abused. Taken from Universities so that it can be spent on what? A Trident perchance? A bloody missile that nobody can use. I want my...

ALICE MARTHA LYTE. 1986 - 2009 ( 9 January 2010)

I just gave in and ignored all the weather warnings. 6.00 a.m. start. 6.30 - '170' to Victoria. Victoria-Green Park -Leicester Square-Charing Cross. 7.15 to Tonbridge. Taxi to Tunbridge Wells. Breakfast in 'Carluccios'. Met up with B who had gingerly...

Snowtimelikethepresent ( 6 January 2010)

The 170 bus drove remarkably smoothly to Victoria. I made an executive decision that whilst there would be no grit in St. James Park it would be worth a punt. I was right. The ice had melted under the bridges...

Weather we do or weather we don't. ( 5 January 2010)

Why do I get so worried about snow? I have a Swede staying with me who thinks we Brits are drips. He works in the North of Sweden in temperatures of -36. LBC reacted to the severe weather warnings which...

Two Sarongs don't make a right. ( 3 January 2010)

Sunday January 3rd and I'm all set to go. My new decade resolution is to write for three hours every day. Malcom Bradwell in the 'Outfliers' says that it takes 10,000 hours to become a genius. So by his reckoning...

What's For You Wont Go Past You (30 December 2009)

The rain it raineth every day. The sky is grey. The dustmen have finally been and taken away most of 2009's Christmas. The fridge is bare. The plumber has been to cast his eye over the bathroom. The heater blew...

Battersea this side and that (20 December 2009)

Yesterday was the Kings Road. Lunch in 'Pauls' hot milk with a dash of hazelnut syrup, a baguette and a shared pear flan. We bought gifts for some but not all. Today was Northcott Road. Lunch in an Italian. Earl...

Dosvidanniye Comrade (16 December 2009)

I must go to bed soon, am up at sparrows fart to get to LBC Towers early to interview Catherine Tate. I've eaten the last of the fish pie and a persimmon/sharon fruit or kaka depending on where you were...

The bland leading the bland., (15 December 2009)

Dinner last night comprised four young people, two old people, one cat and several dead fishes. The smoked cod and salmon were scorched in hot milk they shared the pan with one BIG onion, some garden carrots, celery, parsley and...

Twas the Twelth night before Christmas (13 December 2009)

Delia is making Christmas special with her hot oven and roasting pan, Jim's looking for publicity pics for me on HIS computer, the cottage is 51 miles away and the last of the washing is in. The daughter stayed, slept...

2000 and Whine ( 7 December 2009)

Two weeks until Christmas and I feel about as festive as an undertaker in Ungava. Dark when I wake up, dark when I get home. All my good intentions to walk in are dashed. I have a bucket full of...

Truss me I'm an agent. ( 2 December 2009)

Met up with the agent in Fiori Corner. I paid for two hot chocolates and tears. He left I sat and nursed my wounds. Being chucked out into the big wide world again is not what I had anticipated for...

Agency Blues ( 1 December 2009)

Tuesday has been strangely long. It feels like I have packed an awful lot into a very short time. But Tuesday was the way of all my days starting at 7.00 and finishing a little time before 2.00. I liked...

Aunty Becky's whapsidoodles. (28 November 2009)

The cottage is gleaming due to my new treasure Caro. I haven't seen it yet, and I won't until next weekend. My garden is overgrown owing to the fact that Anna has swine flu. We wish her well. My left...

birthday bagels (28 November 2009)

The cottage is gleaming due to my new treasure Caro. I haven't seen it yet, and I won't until next weekend. My garden is overgrown owing to the fact that Anna has swine flu. We wish her well. My left...

chins up (26 November 2009)

When a theatre show and film are so bad you have to leave in the middle the only way to recover is to watch Gino de Campo on 'Celebrity' . It's not normally my drug of choice but Gino and...

Back to the grindstone (24 November 2009)

Its been tricky getting back into the swing of work. Yesterdays show was clunky and a bit doddery. Today I was up at 6.30. I meditated, with difficulty, stilling my mind was an effort. Then I put my OHI exercise...

Green oaPeas. (20 November 2009)

This week has felt nearly restful. Being in my own home means I can see the cobwebs, weeds and unashamed mess around the edges. Having said that I have been to the beautician, the osteopath and Brighton. The journey from...

IN DOLL GENTS (17 November 2009)

11.30 - 12.30 saw me writing you a very funny blog when the machine massacred it. I'm meant to be on holiday so I shouldn't let it annoy me but it has so, rather than spend another full hour trying...

night night wear (12 November 2009)

It's nightdress weather. Jim's at The Young Vic. I am in the sitting room wearing a victorian nightdress. I need to write but my eyes are as heavy as a sack of coal. The corner deli in Battersea Square sells...

An Education (11 November 2009)

By 9.30 'RISK IT FOR A BISCUIT' was finished. Goody and I hugged and off she went to visit her fiancee in Carshalton Hospital. I walked by the river, the sun warm the sky blue the air cold. Thought about...

The Ugly's (10 November 2009)

Twelve hour days are not good for a girl. I arrived home, my bag strapped to my chest, my coat gaping open, telephone in left hand, keys in the right and a head full of toxic thoughts. The flat is...

Me and Mr. Caine. ( 9 November 2009)

This morning was cold. The grass, at the cottage, was covered in dewy frost. Jim drove me to the station. I thought we were going to miss the train in the event Jim drove back home and I was left...

Sleepless in Sussex ( 8 November 2009)

B has just cooked us roast chicken, roast potatoes, roasted butter-nut squash, roasted red onion with thyme, peas. broccoli and onion gravy. We await for a belly space before eating some Banoffi pie. Jim supplied a deep, rich red wine...

Uncle Vanya ( 6 November 2009)

Just got in from 'The Young Vic' where the old man is in a workshop production of 'Uncle Vanya.' Interesting. The cast are strong. A dreadful moment when one of the actors had to cook macaroni cheese in an onstage...

Curry Up its bed time. ( 3 November 2009)

She's gone. The lodger has gone. The girl who locked herself in my spare room has finally gone. The funny little thing that made my life so difficult has taken her strange smell with her and gone. Some people rub...

London Sunday ( 1 November 2009)

There are so many leaves around that I await the train cancellations. Sunday in London consisted of up late and a shower. A long, hot shower which went cold in the middle because Jim put the tap on in the...

Up and Away game (31 October 2009)

Yesterday I cried on air. The topic: the lack of after care for servicemen who arrive back in England having done tours of duty. Alcohol abuse amongst the youngest, depression and Trauma amongst the least educated, paranoia and anxiety amongst...

The Plimsoll Line (29 October 2009)

I had to pre-record Will Young this morning at 10.15. I hurumphed out of bed. Groggy, knackered, hungry and late. Only did the minimum prep and left the flat in time for the 8.45 170. IT WAS LATE. When the...

A Bad Thriller.... (28 October 2009)

Cynical exercise or history in the making. It doesn't matter how it hangs thousands of people tuned in, turned up and turned on to Michael Jackson's 'THIS IS IT' the film of his last ever performance. 19 countries transmitted at...

Unusual traveling experiences. (26 October 2009)

It was one of them days. A car ride there, a tube ride here, a three hour show, a walk to Waterloo, a train ride back, a car trip to Battersea Arts Centre, a bus ride back to Leicester Square....

Sees fruit and leaves.... (25 October 2009)

23.40. Dark outside although there is a quarter moon. The new road lay out by St. Thomas's hospital is just a little confusing I nearly drove into the Plaza Hotel. Drove Bee back to Hackney. Right across London. Over Southwark...

Question Crime (22 October 2009)

The father of my daughter and I went to see 'End Game.' It was intense, cerebral, dark and worth a visit if you really know the play. Simon McBurney, he of 'Complicite' played one character, Mark Rylance, he of 'The...

All Change. (21 October 2009)

Foster carers, Menopause, and the lap-top generation, not to mention Travis Payne, Michael Jackson's choreographer. That was on the menu today at LBC. I pre-recorded Travis, a little nervous as I'm not a Michael jackson nut, although I do appreciate...

Disgusted from TWells. (20 October 2009)

So there's this reverend in Tunbridge Wells who says that playing Tina Turner at funerals is un-Christian and that the removal of sacred music is the beginning of the end. 'Death to Death' he said, he said he feels like...

Postal traumatic stress. (19 October 2009)

Am I the only person in England who cares about the Postal workers, it felt like it today. After many of your calls this afternoon I can see why members of the CWU feel abandoned and lonely in their struggle...

Sunday in Sussex (18 October 2009)

I woke up this morning, looked at the golden leaves on the oak outside the bedroom window, and decided we should go to Sheffield Park and look at the turning leaves. So we climbed out of bed and after porridge...

Hunker Munker (17 October 2009)

The cold sun is shining on the cottage wall, even the clematis looks chilly. I have just come back from my Mr. Bibby who has finally taken my body in hand. Apparently the chiropractor re-activated an old sprain, that's been...

Little Voice (16 October 2009)

Thank you to all of you for your suggestions of drugs and care...I am off to my cranial osteopath on Saturday so hopefully my fat ankle will deflate. And yes I have read my audio blog myself glitches and all....

The walking wounded (15 October 2009)

There has been chicken casserole and champagne going on. There has been Alison Moyet, Jackie Collins and The Cove all wonderful people. There has been so much pain from the wretched chiropractor that the cooking of the above and the...

ken and jacky.... (13 October 2009)

With a salami sausage in one hand and four little oatcakes in the other it's a little tricky writing this blog, but here goes anyway. I have just come in from The National Theatre. A memorial evening for Ken Campbell....

Mr & Mrs Humid-Efiar and their daughter Dee (11 October 2009)

22.21 Sunday Night. I am ashamed to say that the weekend is now 'Strictly Come Howsyourfather' then more rubbish with 'X Factor'. The weather was so lovely this weekend,but still the old git and meself had to go shopping in...

Baxter's Night ( 8 October 2009)

Where do I begin? Tomorrow I am going to a book launch in a cemetery! This evening I watched THE COVE about the slaughtering of dolphins, every September, in Taiji in Japan. Today we talked about Rape, Pets as Therapy...

Soup for supper ( 6 October 2009)

Why did i write bout Jane Bergermeister? Because I think any information that comes to me that may illuminate our troubled times is worth a punt. Today I did travel, travel and more travel. Barcelona and me. Tonight I am...

What conspiracy theory ( 6 October 2009)

http://theflucase.com/ is the website for Jane Bergermeister. Whatever you feel about conspiracy theories you must watch this video in the interests of your own health and your childrens. THE HABIT OF OBEDIENCE is what most of us have adopted in...

Conkers ( 1 October 2009)

Boil for an hour in vinegar. Put them on the window sill to dry. Take them round to the butchers, Catz in Brick Lane, or anyone who has a proper vice and drill. String em up and remember what it...

For Mr. T (29 September 2009)

I met up with Nick Thorogood, quite by chance at The Ivy. He was there with his partner, an ex-teacher and a publisher. I perched on the arm of his hair, snaffled his olives - his partner said nothing -and...

Mr.Max takes me out (29 September 2009)

The Doctor at the Ivy When we are both full blown And the sipping of the hedgerow sling whilst its dripping on my gown. The rising of the sun and the thanking of the cook And the downing of yet...

Funday (27 September 2009)

I took the 4.15 train to Hastings, Jim met me at Tunbridge Wells station. We had intended doing the Friday night curry thing but in the event I was still husky and hoarse and the first thing that called when...

The Husky returns (24 September 2009)

I took the bus and tube to work this morning. I had no idea whether my voice was going to give out on me but in the end it was okay. I woke up sounding like a bird had nested...

Hoarse face (24 September 2009)

I took the bus and tube to work this morning. I had no idea whether my voice was going to give out on me but in the end it was okay. I woke up sounding like a bird had nested...

Who Nose... (23 September 2009)

22.36 My throat is sore. My eyes are rheumy. My nose is so stuffed up I sound like a bunged up school boy. I had a great Sunday. Collapsed on Monday. Worse on Tuesday. Nearly buried on Wednesday. The bank...

Dorchester Doodlings (18 September 2009)

1.48. I tried to put new batteries in my flat phones. By that I mean apartment phones not horizontal ones..... Got back from the Dorchester and the batteries had leaked acid everywhere. So now I have no phones at all....

Shawshank Redherring (17 September 2009)

I went and saw the Shawshank redemption. It started at seven thirty, I was eating falafal in Gaby's by seven fifty two. Why would anybody want to make a stage piece out of a perfectly brilliant film. I was embarrassed...

Rain on my parade..... (15 September 2009)

I'm toying with putting the boiler on. My feet are freezing even though I am wearing little white knitted sippers. My fingers are frozen, I refuse to resort to mittens and my nose has a cold tip like Jackson used...

I love the NOLANS (14 September 2009)

Today I faced my own demons only to find that they were nothing but vain imaginings in my head. I LOVE THE NOLANS. they came into the studio and sang a cappella so beautifully the hairs stood up on my...

September 13th is over (13 September 2009)

dear Paul, Thank you for your concern, the Neurofen worked, although I have to admit they are always a last resort. It's 8.15 and I've tried to watch Joanna Lumley being cat woman but it was less about the moggies...

a gum deal (10 September 2009)

I came into London on the 9.36 train having been to the dentist. 5 Nurofen later my mouth still felt like a wild pony had kicked me in the New Forest. Sounds like an anatomical euphemism. The show was not...

Costa Cel Bono ( 6 September 2009)

My bites still itch. My tan still shimmers. Wolfgang Amadeus continues to amaze. I have no food in the flat, but Wolfie's Requiem feeds the soul. I came back to London early, worried that I wouldn't be prepared for tomorrow,...

Laying Ghosts to rest (23 August 2009)

Two days have gone as quickly as a darting dragon fly. I interviewed Dr. MAX PEMBERTON on Friday, the last person to talk to me before I started my two week break. He is incredible. Tall, blonde, blue eyed, clever,...

Talking about My Generation (20 August 2009)

I am reading the time. 22.25. Have been home an hour, eaten some home made ratattouille, watched 'Mock the Week' and the News. Compassion for the Lockerbie Libyan and free elections in Afghanistan. Bolt running to become the fastest man...

Yawn free (18 August 2009)

23.51. Two new clothes racks for the flat. Jim brought them to the Arcola and we loaded them into my little red Nellie. B and I ate a massive turkish meal, opposite the thatre, choked on cake and laughter then...

Mondays child was full of grace (18 August 2009)

CLEA MYERS has written a book called TWEAK THE DREAM. It is a harrowing account of her struggle with addiction.The woman is full of grace. Today she came onto the show and made me cry with her courage and fortitude....

Troillus and Cressida sandwiches (16 August 2009)

Driving back to the cottage of a Saturday morning....6a.m., nothing on the road. A little bit of radio, a lot of thinking. I had two parties two attend, one in Balcombe the other in Wimbledon, both lovely people, but I...

1-2 (13 August 2009)

One pineapple. One avocado. Two crispbreads and butter. One bowl of Special K with milk. One glass of water with two vitimin c tablets - orange flavour. One helluva day. One big 6 foot bed. One night ahead. One more...

Never the less (13 August 2009)

HAIRSPRAY. Not as good as the original cast but nevertheless a good night. SUPPER. Not as good as last night but nevertheless it filled my belly. LBC. Not as good as yesterday but nevertheless it filled the airwaves. JIM. Not...

Bon Bon Bonne (12 August 2009)

I had an ugly walk in this morning. Every turn ended up in a small street with no sun. Then I took a bus that didn't go anywhere so I got out at Vauxhall bus station and took another l'autoboose...

tiredness kills.... (10 August 2009)

Just because Ms Widdicombe is a politician it doesn't make her exempt from nerves. We come from opposite sides of the floor but she is a lovely woman. she is sitting in for James O'Brien who is on holiday this...

Hair brained ( 8 August 2009)

There was a man in my hair dressing salon this morning having his eyebrows dyed. I closed my eyes and listened to the fatuous conversation of the women around me. The vocabulary was straight out of an American sit-com. Whatever!...

It's raining and downandoutpouring... ( 6 August 2009)

I blitzed the bathroom, cleaned the fridge and talked to Sybil in LA-LA-land for a long time. Then I had a 'doughnut' peach, almonds, a mug of Heinz Tomato soup, a slither of onion and some crackers. Not necessarily in...

39 steps home ( 5 August 2009)

23.20. I walked over Battersea Bridge. The moon was so big and bright, the Albert Bridge so sparkly and pink the air so still, it was like being in a Nicholas Cage movie, I fully expected him to jump out...

Quinoa for the Queenoa ( 4 August 2009)

My acupuncturist put cups on my back, needles in my feet and a cushion under my head. She said she had to re-direct energy from other parts of my body because I was so exhausted. Now I have no energy...

Westminster Shabby ( 3 August 2009)

As I walked through the ticket barrier at Victoria tube station I was stopped by a security bloke. 'Show me your picture pass.' he said. I had no idea what he was talking about. 'Show me your ticket, id, your...

Chocago... (30 July 2009)

I am so stuffed full of 'Maltesers' my mouth feels like a facial loofah. My mouth feels like a facial loofah because I went to see 'CHICAGO'. So antsy was I that I needed chocolate to pep me up. I...

wednesday already (29 July 2009)

well I've just eaten a whole saucepan of cooked cauliflower, only half the colly mind you. Went to the YOUNG VIC to see THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE. An extraordinary piece. The writer went into a parlour of prostitutes, recorded them, and...

New Compooter news (28 July 2009)

This is my very first entry on my new computer. It's big it's fast and I've got to get used to the different keyboard and the new commands. There's no END button and as far as I can tell there's...

Two nights in the cottage (26 July 2009)

Rebecca Lenkiewicz’s adaptation of GHOSTS by IBSEN is intense, to say the least. The five actors perform in one little drawing room. The atmosphere oppressive and dark. The candles and gaslight that illuminates the last quarter of the play is...

Hair today and gone tomorrow (23 July 2009)

Okay so many of us know about Alopecia, but how many of us know that jaw realignment can make the difference between a bald pate and a good head of hair. I was so shocked when Dr.Mohammed talked to me...

Say it Again Sam (22 July 2009)

Dear Ann, as a matter of fact Siddhi is half Iitalian half Venezulan, she speaks four languages, has lived all over the world her last port of call was Hamburg. Does she call me 'Jeni the Jew?' No, but she...

The equation of my mind. (21 July 2009)

Tonight Siddhi the Kraut and I went to see such a bad play that we dared not look at each other. We left the theatre pretty damn quick. It was an ordeal watching a team of eight actors trying to...

The Sun'll Come Out Tamari. (20 July 2009)

When Tristram Stuart was born the angels must have known he was destined for great things. He is an inspiration. A maverick. A darn nice dude. A scavenger, activist, Cambridge Graduate, long-haired protester and a FREEGAN. So what is a...

Noisy Numpties (19 July 2009)

Please forgive me for a moment I just have to change out of these clothes I've been strapped into all day; a pair of black leggings with pink flowers over a pair of shiny tight M&S keep you thinner pants,...

The Plimsoll Line (18 July 2009)

Dear June, yup women have always had to consider their age; too old to get married, too young to be respected, too old to be noticed, too young to be taken seriously, too old to be visible, too young to...

Turn the 'age (18 July 2009)

Dear Fee, I knew it was James Stewart in 'Rear Window', I can see his face and hear his voice. But I got caught up in something in the kitchen and Peckory Greg got top billing. Watching footage of Fern...

Davy Jones' Mucker. (16 July 2009)

Jim pulls the curtains closed, I open them. Jim closes the curtains I open them, and so we play musical drapes. Our flat in Battersea is on the river, opposite loads of flats, next door to trees and round the...

Burma (14 July 2009)

This morning at 8.30 the new six foot bed arrived. Two big blokes refused tea, took away the old bed and left us with two tons of plastic wrapping and eight wheels that had to be pushed into the bed...

Alls Well That Ends well (13 July 2009)

First things first, lets not go down the route of bullying each other again. Scientists have a place, natural practitioners have a place, parents have a say in what they do with their children. I have a say in what...

Bee's buzzed off. (12 July 2009)

First it was movng all B's stuff from Brixton to East Sussex. I spent a whole day sorting socks, pants, bras, t-shirts, scarves, socks, t-shirts, pants, track suits, scarves and 53,000 trainers. From Battersea to Brixton from Brixton to East...

Thaid Up ( 9 July 2009)

I walked in really fast this morning. I stopped off in a chemist in Victoria and bought really expensive blister plasters. Buy cheap buy twice. I bought a packet of three from Asda and they were about as effective as...

Frozen River ( 7 July 2009)

I bought new blister plasters from a chemist in Soho. Got to LBC Towers ripped off the old elastic bandaids and replaced them with my newly minted cushioned one. Oh the joy of being flat-footed again. Coming home on the...

Flat broke... ( 3 July 2009)

I'm not one to complain about the weather but my flat is so hot it's making me irritable. I have a fan in the bedroom but the air is hanging like a cheap rainbow nylon sheet. We have the balcony...

thursday phew ( 2 July 2009)

two eggs, no socks, Mama Mia last night. despite my miserable countenance I really enjoyed it. Tonight Its Arcadia with the old git. It had better be air conditioned.... I have a tiny little German staying with me at the...

sunday in the smoke (28 June 2009)

The River Thames is very hight tonight. I am on thr balcony. Jim is reading me the television listings and i can hear the eaters from the nearby restauarant. This morning walked to the Butcher and Grill in the yellow...

nearly Nine (25 June 2009)

The weather feels like it did when I was a child. The air heavy and the scent of dog roses in the air. I sat on the balcony of the flat and shaded my eyes from the sun as Jimbo...

early birds (24 June 2009)

I've just seen a film the young woman got up at 5.30 every morning to write her blog which became the very film I saw. I'n setting my alarm....

witch way is up? (18 June 2009)

what are witches? What is it to be a pagan, wicca, druid type person? Are there more unusual folks out there than meets the eye? I think so and I'm lucky enough to attract all of them to my programme....

Here today Scones tomorrow (16 June 2009)

The perfect scone. Two halves - warmed Raisins and currants. Jar of cream. Jar of raspberry jam. Roadside caff in Pimlico. Cup of frothy coffee. Three new books. Warm sun. Taxi back. A quiet evening. Send your thoughts to Tehran,...

mundee (15 June 2009)

Tonight B and I went from Clapham South to St. Pancras, How things have changed. The train sped through Kentish Town, West Hampstead, Hendon, Mill Hill, Cricklewood, not necessarily in that order, and then Elstree and Boreham wood. I used...

Grounded (11 June 2009)

I wore green today and walked fast. i fell over last night and knackered my right knee, the last two times I grazed my left knee. I thought I was losing it, NO, said my acupuncturist, you just need to...

Ben Dearnley (10 June 2009)

Tonight B and I went to see her best friends project in Mayfair. It may sound grand, well it was actually, but they arn't It's a wonderful set of sculptors by BEN DEARNLEY. Sportsmen and women that he has cast...

gardenin' sunday ( 7 June 2009)

the top shed hasn't been looked at since 1988. There were more spiders than in Regents Park reptile house. Seven bags of flowers pots and forty eight tons of rubbish. Jim bought me a coffee at the garden centre then...

Life ( 6 June 2009)

Go to see Jude Law's Hamlet, he carries it off. Ron Cook is terrific as Polonious. Penelope Wilton glides as Gertrude. I fell asleep during it because I do three hours live radio. DUET FOR ONE with Juliet Stevenson Henry...

alas poor Yorrick I knew him.... ( 3 June 2009)

It cost £30 quid to get back from leicester Square this evening SOOOOOO much traffic. Neither Jim or myself could stand the walk since we had sat through three hours of Hamlet with Jude Law. I fear I fell asleep...

Cantona cinema ( 3 June 2009)

27 degrees and I took the Clapham Junction route. Down Falcon Road, on the train and then a sweet little trip to Waterloo. There was a free SOUTH AFRICAN newspaper on the seat. A story about branding people on the...

It's still only Tuesday ( 2 June 2009)

a boat ride in Brighton a car ride to work a train ride to London a walk in the park a trip to the movies a trip to a show It's still on Tuesday So onwards we go........

Dawter and mum (28 May 2009)

The weather was soft and warm when I walked in this morning. St. James Park was full of tourists feeding the squirrels. There's something about the tourist when they crouch next to the furry rodent, they all think they are...

Fluesday (26 May 2009)

My temperature was so high I slept on the faux-leather settee. I unstuck myself at 4.44a.m. Jim looked after me and left me a get well soon note. Our wedding anniversary was food, film and a fleeting journey to the...

The end of an era (18 May 2009)

Comedy capers (12 May 2009)

TODAY MY MOTHER WAS 87. I BOUGHT HER A BIRTHDAY CAKE WITH A CAT AND THREE MICE ON TOP.( in icing sugar silly), WE STUCK 7 CANDLES ON IT AND GAVE IT TO HER FOR BREAKFAST. two gifts:A BOX OF...

Sycamore Fever (11 May 2009)

monday night, and I'm all merangued out. Jim cooked a meatball pasta sauce that was enjoyed by three generations of female Barnett's. we then tucked into Eton mess my way. fruit, cream, merangues and more cream, icing sugar and a...

Acupuncturepoem ( 6 May 2009)

Needles in me elbows Needles in me spine. Needles in me ankle And now I'm feeling fine. Although the cups squeezed on me shoulders And the needles in me head Have made me feel like jelly So I'm taking to...

Staying Focussed ( 5 May 2009)

My life is slowly returning to normal. Jim goes home today. Bank Holiday Monday came and went. Now I just need to start writing again. Remaining consistent, holding onto my discipline, not back tracking. Gawd Blimy it's hard. Any tips?...

Swine Flu - never I'm jewish (28 April 2009)

I do not have swine flu. I do not have a viral infection. I have just picked up some horrible bug. Chucking up, loss of voice and generally feeling like doggie doo. having said that I will bust a gut...

Barbarians at the Barbican (23 April 2009)

If only I spoke French. I went to see 'Andromaque' by Jean Racine, at the Barbican. Full house, very intelligent, stark staging. Beautiful acting, but it was like watching two comics from the Fast Show pretending to be French. There...

Budget blowout.... (22 April 2009)

23.46. Today I was shelved because of the budget SO I attended a yoga class. Five of us in a little house in Clapham. The sun shone and I stood with my eyes closed for a lot longer than I...

Socks away (21 April 2009)

I've just stepped out of the bath. I can feel the warmth of the hot water in my bones. Everybody I know is busy and I'm left with such tiredness that I can't get my dander up to write. I...

Simple cooking (19 April 2009)

Diana Henry has written a book called effortless cooking every day COOK SIMPLE. I have boxes of cookery books and several recipes in my head but DIANA'S recipes are exquisite. The book really does what it says on the cover....

Gawd Blimey O'Riley.... (19 April 2009)

I know it's a disgrace. For some reason my rhythm has gone. This blog will appear again on Monday April 20th. I dare not promise just in case THE WAR HORSE is so good I cant bring myself to write...

Hot stones (11 April 2009)

Have you ever had a hot stone massage? One of my birthday gifts was a session with a massoose down in Hersmonceaux. I lay on my back on a bed of hot stones while other hot stones were rubbed into...

The Tooth will out (10 April 2009)

And so Friday arrived... I drove gingerly to the dentist. My little red car slotted into the parking space by the letter box. I was punctual and ready. Rome had been and gone. My holiday had been and gone. My...

The Moment of Tooth part two.... ( 6 April 2009)

Jim got back to the cottage before me. I arrived at 7.00. The clemetis had been massacred by our now ex-gardener which meant all the beautiful white flowers that adorn the wall every spring were not there. My passion fruit...

The moment of Tooth part one. ( 5 April 2009)

Croydon marked the end of an era. I had handed over my fifties to those that know and I entered my 60's in style. Well not that Croydon is Manhattan but the man who showed us where the stage door...

Wild Garlic on mothers day (22 March 2009)

Today I walked the orchard. Through the apple and pear trees. Over the style and I swear I could feel Jackson. I sat on the wooden cross bar and hung my head. The tears behind my eyelids were ready to...

The Big Mario (20 March 2009)

There's a boy in Bow who holds cross-stitching classes. Instead of making traditional samplers of 'Home Sweet Home' they make samplers depicting dripping blood, Banksy and anything that is 'anti-craft'. He grew up in Belfast but was taught to sew...

thursday I think (19 March 2009)

23.29. Alan Carr is on the television. I have eaten a bowl of greens and recovered from MONKEY at the Young Vic. Jim and I have jigsawed our days so that cars have gone into the garage, articles written and...

The return of the Old Git. (15 March 2009)

He's back. I'm thrilled. That's that...

Another way home (12 March 2009)

From the Houses of Commons to MI6. From Towpath Walk to Battersea Dogs Home. From Battersea Park Road to The Living Room. I left at 4.30, it's now 18.55. I am so tired I could eat a mattress. I am...

a box from marmite (11 March 2009)

off to walk. Marmites box arrived and all the cards are piling up. Thank you all for your good wishes. The sun is shining, I have managed to meditate and I've got a face pack on so it's hard to...

Extremes means Heinz ( 3 March 2009)

You walk some you ride some. You bus some you tube some. You train some you run some. This morning I walked some then treated myself to a Number 24 bus. I was forty-five minutes late. There are more traffic...

Saturday in Battersday (28 February 2009)

A trip to Battersea Park Road. Up seven flights of stairs each landing stinking of pee.... Into a little flat to look at some material for Sunday's International Womens day gig. It's not the colour I ordered but I'm sure...

Waterloo sunset. (27 February 2009)

This morning I legged it to Clapham Junction, took the train to Waterloo and walked over Huntingford Bridge. The air was clear. St. Pauls, The Gherkin and the OXO Tower were stark white against a blue sky. Most people walking...

February's nearly gone. (23 February 2009)

I interviewed Colin Firth this morning. He's tall and, well tall. Then I did a show, I dont know how I did I was exhausted from the weekend. And then the 'oosbind and I sorted out my 60th birthday bash....

Bulbs a plenty (21 February 2009)

The pressing need for me to buy a bag of John Innes compost and plant up some left over lame bulbs is now weighing heavily. So after a sausage sandwich, the 'oosbind and me will walk up the road and...

Enuff already (19 February 2009)

After the show I took the train back with squirming children everywhere. Half term breeds parents who want to fill their childrens time with The Science Museum, The Battle Ship Belfast and under water aquarium fish in all of three...

Neigh, neigh thrice neigh (17 February 2009)

Like the proverbial Phoenix I am crawling out of the ashes. I have been battered, bruised, berated and bullied. But now, with the help of my friends and family I am ready to rock and roll. I have a new...

Snow bound ( 3 February 2009)

Dear Martin and David in Jo'berg. I'm pleased to hear you're hanging in there and not too traumatised. Hymie thank you for you comments, and indeed thanks to the rest of you. I have been holed up in East Sussex....

Big Ben Chimes 9.00 (29 January 2009)

Everything squeaked this morning. The womans shoulder strap on her bag outside the Tate. The bicycle that sped past on Horseferry Street. My hips as I finally arrived at LBC. I left very early. Walked over Battersea Bridge. Over Albert...

ONLY WHEN I LAUGH by JACK SHEPHERD (28 January 2009)

I left the flat in the bright sunshine. It was cool and fresh. The boats looked like paper ships on a painted river. Walked over Battersea bridge, down Cheyne Walk right through to Pimlico, down past Victoria Station and then...

Ox-tails (26 January 2009)

Gung Hay Fat Choy! Happy Year of the Ox. I am pogged on dumplings and custard cakes. Thank you to the GOLDEN PALACE in China Town, wonderful service, atmosphere and of course food. I am replete on Jasmine tea and...

Hertfordshire and back (25 January 2009)

Allan Sillitoe on Desert Island Discs, was so predictable. From 'Old Man River' to his stories. Not that there is anything wrong with predictability but being surprised by a persons life is always uplifting - he did not uplift me....

Logs agogo (24 January 2009)

POSITIVE SHRINKING by KEVIN LAYE, has had hundreds of you wanting to know about tapping. Buy his book, it's only little, and you'll be able to tap, dowse and think your self slim - well that's what he says. I...

Friday night is musing night (23 January 2009)

A curry for a friday. I'm now so tired I can't remember me naan. Mind you she died 36 years ago. boom boom. night night....

To party or not to party (20 January 2009)

My eye was glued together when I woke up. Now it could be an eye-lash ( or ash-leye as Bee used to call it) or my insomnia. Whatever it is I woke up this morning in a fowl temper. Jim...

The night before Barakaday (19 January 2009)

It's all slowly revealing itself. Today the show was grown up and informative. Took a taxi home too tired to walk. Although this morning I found another route to South Kensington Station. I could hear myself chuntering to myself as...

Two days before inaugeration day. (18 January 2009)

Made the guest list for my 60th. Found the venue. Sorted the invites. Travelled back from the cottage in my pyjamas. Bought just the one Sunday newspaper. Put in the washing,. Blitzed the cottage. Tidied the flat and now I'm...

Excuses I have not......... (16 January 2009)

Yes know I should be ashamed of myself. I have no excuse, well actually I have, my keyboard kept jumping and missing letters, and my frustration level was so I High I wanted to scream Yesterday morning, whilst the old...

Thorsday ( 8 January 2009)

The Groucho Club, in Dean Street, is my actors club. Bernie makes life sweet, he hugs me in reception and makes me feel like Lisa Minnelli. I took Pammie and Paul, who are over from new York. I had a...

twitter or be damned ( 8 January 2009)

Cirque Soleil, Sunset Boulvevard two totally different experiences. One was big, in the Albert Hall, acrobats, ropes and headless overcoats, the other small, intimate with a team of actor musicians who somehow managed to make love whilst holding a trumpet....

The Last Supper ( 1 January 2009)

The river is as calm as a Japanese etching. It's 11.o'clock and four out of six of us are still sleeping off the excesses of 2008. The party went like this...........

Festive excessive (27 December 2008)

It appears that I have spent 5 full days buried beneath a mountain of wrapping paper sellotape greeting cards satsumas crackers turkey gammon 112 different kinds of cheese 78 different kinds of chutney and more games than mad mick. My...

Undecided of Battersea (18 December 2008)

8.41. on a frosty morning. I've watered the window boxes on the balcony. Should have put on shoes my feet are freezing. The river looks lovely all the houseboats outside the flat have Christmassy decorations which twinkle at night. I...

Synchronicity ( 4 December 2008)

I went to see a film at Bafta. It was so bad I left 20 minutes in. I had had a really synchronicitous night. I took the No.19 to Battersea Bridge, ran home, turned on the computer, re-arranged various bits...

3 day rule ( 2 December 2008)

It normally takes me three days to get over myself. Saturday has filtered down now so I can be more objective about Radlett. I'm chewing on a stick of celery, the flat is so quiet and my crunching so loud...

It's another Saturday Night ( 1 December 2008)

So Radlett came and went - a bit like life really. All that preparation and before you could say 'Dim those house lights please.' it was all over. The stage manager didn't make it, the agent didn't make it, the...

Full Fathom Five (23 November 2008)

Jim drove up last Wednesday so we could have dinner with Rupert Ponsonby at the new Gauchos. We were on time only we went to the wrong Gauchos. Walking swiftly into the one in Spitalfields - all stainless steel and...

Half Term (13 November 2008)

I made a decision to stay at home in the 'Cottarge' instead of going away. I made a decision that sitting in front of the fire with the old git would be preferable to hanging around an airport, travelling through...

No Complaints ( 6 November 2008)

The problem with venison stew with parsnip mash is that there is a fare bit of sugar in it - innit. I'm all a bit spinny and nauseous. My evening with the girls was short but sweet. Thursday at LBC...

Bedroom antics ( 5 November 2008)

When I interviewed TARELL ALVIN McCRANEY last week I had no idea I was in the presence of genius. THE BROTHERS SIZE and IN THE RED AND BROWN WATER are two plays about young black people. Their relationships, using Yoruba...

The night before tomorrow. ( 3 November 2008)

It's not the politics of envy but a fear that achievments are only ever described in pounds, shillings and pence, not to mention the yankee dollar. Lewis Hamilton stands to be the first ever Billion Dollar sportsman. One Billion dollars...

Lesley Douglas. (30 October 2008)

ch-ch-ch-changes I am sad that Lesley Douglas has resigned from radio 2. I am sad that it came to this. I am amazed at the backlash. Yes I think it's time all broadcasters everwhere, including myself, are made responsible for...

Sarf East Fashion (23 October 2008)

There are good days and sometimes better. Today was sometimes better. William Roache - KEN BARLOW off the street - is a gentle, sweet man. He believes what he believes. Doesn't try to make anybody part of his gang. The...

Zeit who? (22 October 2008)

Zeitgeist: the spirit, attitude, or general outlook of a specific time or period. The spirit of our time. The Zeitgeist, as I write, is uncertainty. Politicians blaming each other. Money lenders counting their gains behind closed doors. Even the scientists...

Walk On By (21 October 2008)

Two hours of television and my eyes spin round like fruit machines. I watched Gok - not sure what I feel about him. I like Joan Rivers joke - a lollipop named after him is a Gok Sucker.... Then I...

Pillow Talk (20 October 2008)

On Saturday I made beef stew with horseradish dumplings, buttery cabbage and celeriac mash for seven of us. We had apple crumble made with the apples from our garden. There was not one crumb left. The satisfaction of the perfect...

Out and Ashout (15 October 2008)

I arrived back at the flat and spent 45 minutes shouting. SHOUT NUMBER ONE I had a delivery delivered. I wasn't home. because I do a daily show on the radio.... The man I spoke to made it quite clear...

Lewisham Nights ( 5 October 2008)

It's a perfect day for staying in and reading the papers, doing the ironing in front of the radio, watching telly and sleeping in my own bed. The rain is lashing down. It's driving in from the South, on a...

Sweet nothings ( 2 October 2008)

Two sweet potatoes in the oven. One sweet man coming to the flat with my new dungarees and red dress. One sweet acupuncturist who has calmed me down for tomorrow. Hundreds of sweet calls, messages & texts from people wishng...

On the last day of September (30 September 2008)

My feet are stuck in four-inch-high-brown- sequinned-shoes. My feet have grey socks on as well the shoes, the better to stretch them. My hands are freezing. My legs are swathed in white and blue pyjama trousers. My torso is covered...

Areeba! (24 September 2008)

Tonight I got measured for my dress for an AUDIENCE WITH.... Shakeel has 9 days to buy the material and make it. I was all of a dither when he was measuring me. Apologising for my lack of waist, width...

Breakfast to Brighton Run (21 September 2008)

Friday night is fight night. It takes me three hours to get from London to the cottage. The cottage is dusty and dank because Gae, my organiser, cleaner and general bitchesbody is now living in Kuwait more weeks than not....

A Shaggy Bitch tail.... (18 September 2008)

Ok it's time to talk dirty. Dirty dogs actually. Its time to chew the fat about Dalmations. Back in 2003, or maybe 2 or even 4, Good Food Live took the programme on a jaunt to the US of A....

A Cemetery For Our Time ( 9 September 2008)

I sat in the bath wondering what to wear for the funeral. Ken Campbell was a man of vision. A luminary, some would say a nutter. He could have cared less what I was wearing. When we worked together he...

Click what a picture..... ( 8 September 2008)

The big table, in the flat, is covered in photographs. All black and white. Me waving my jazz hands. Me, playing castanets. Me playing the piano. Me posing backwards, straining my head to loook into the camera. Me hugging a...

Two times a nudist. ( 4 September 2008)

There are two reasons for my being naked. The first: Walking into the flat. Off with the outdoor attire, on with the body. I sit here, like Spike Milligan, or Monty Python''s lot, naked 'cept my wedding rings, necklace and...

The end of an era. ( 2 September 2008)

I used my gymstick this morning. A stick about so long, with two rubber foot stirrups. Rubber tubes that can be curled round the stick makes the length longer or shorter. The aim, by working against the stick, is to...

Dimanche 17th Aou (22 August 2008)

Samedi's sandals had done the trick, but Dimanche demanded firmer footwear. Team leader Linda, and I had decided on our itinerary, we knew where we were going and we knew how to get there, we were ready to go by...

Friday 15th of Aou... (19 August 2008)

I travelled to Paris with a bag that measured 16" by 10". It contained three pairs of black knickers, one tooth brush, a bottle of Chanel No. 5, a Mac red lipstick, a bergundy passport, a return ticket, an Oyster...

The Gums of Navalgazing (11 August 2008)

Bugger Uranus - or maybe it's Saturn! Having had the proper holiday its noses to the grindstone until Paris this weekend. And before you waggle your finger and accuse me of living the life of Reilly, I've been invited to...

Dog Day Afternoon (10 August 2008)

For thirteen years and seven months we had a big, soft, sloppy Labrador. He was walked just about every single day. When we were on holiday he was walked by friends and family. When it rained we put on galoshes,...

Marrakech - Part Five (21 July 2008)

Marnie and Will sent us photographs of their Riad in Marrakech. Pretty. Light. Beautifully clean. I felt SO hard done by. Jim says I will never be able to have a good holiday because I don't know how to relax...

Marrakech - Part Four (19 July 2008)

I'm not sure I know how to have a holiday. It's not that I'm a workaholic its just that I don't know what to expect when I give myself a vacation.. The old git says a holiday has to be...

Road to Marrakech - part three. (16 July 2008)

Morrocco is full of colour. Pink Earth. Blue and White Walls. Terracotta Tagines Black skins. Lemon lemons. Orange oranges. Ochre Mosques. Azure skies. Red Tomatoes. Golden brown dates. Pink and yellow leather slippers. Deep Royal Blue of the Tuareg Tribesmen,...

Road to Marrakech - Part One (13 July 2008)

Where do I begin....there's a song in there somewhere. We left England on Wednesday June 25th. The weather bright and crisp as I recall. The drive through Ashdown Forest was smooth and unruffled. Gatwick - North terminal - was empty,...

Sunday funday. (22 June 2008)

After a breakfast of scrambled eggs - Bill Granger style - bacon, fresh coffee and toast, I drove Aj back to his car. 21 year old boys who play American football really are sweet arm candy. The wind was fresh,...

night time reveries (22 June 2008)

The cottage has a hole where the dog used to be. Emmy, the cat, sleeps on the bean bag. I wonder if she is missing him too. But It is only my vain imaginings. The clematis flowers, huge great big...

Humbugs (18 June 2008)

Its Wednesday evening. I don't know whether it's me, my age, the planets, the weather, the time of the year, my impending holiday, my impending tax bill, my impending birthday. I don't know whether its because I am not exercising,...

Comedy and Tragedy. (28 May 2008)

There's something wonderful about driving into the centre of London when everybody is driving out. On Tuesday night I felt queasy, hung over, and not a little irritable, but it didn't stop me from jumping into the little red car...

Bank Holiday Madness (26 May 2008)

Its the end of a BIG four days off. The cottage feels a little more normal, even though there is a big space where the dogs bed was. On Friday I collected my newly mended motor, handed over the fancy...

Just a Change of Address (10 May 2008)

It's 21.12 and there's a dreadful wedding reception going on down stairs. Normally I wouldn't a mind a bit of Abba, but the 'Dancing Queen' looks a bit worse for wear and we haven't hit midnight yet. Can I bare...

tuesday news (29 April 2008)

The Northern man who shares my bed started coughing at 3.30. 'Orrible it was. Whilst he expectorated I turned to BELLERUTH NAPERSTEK. No she wasn't sharing our bed, I have a series of her cassette tapes. How to sleep, reduce...

Lets play catch up... ( 2 April 2008)

Thank you Fee for reminding me that Spurs got hammered!?&^% A big thank you to all my bloggers - me forget you? Perleasse. But now lets get down to some serious blogging. Ever since the sugar reading I have been...

1/4/8 ( 1 April 2008)

I have lost 3 stone. Have been given a new 14 part televison series travelling around the World discussing philosophy and food. Jackson is jumping over fences. I have just won £4million on the lottery. LBC are exending my contract...

Hali But..... (26 March 2008)

Dear Chrissie....and you others My Wednesday night meal comprised: Three glasses of pink champagne. Scallops in butter with parsley. Halibut and spinach. The food was just ok, the rest of the crowd were ridiculous. Because England were playing in France...

Birthday Bliss (24 March 2008)

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY WISHES. When I have scraped the snow off the cottage windows and dusted down the clematis on the walls, when I have walked Jackson and eaten the bestest ever shoulder of lamb infused with...

OK Thursday (20 March 2008)

OK Thursday is the day before Good Friday. It is cold, wet and completely unspring like. This morning I had to wear my gloves when I was running. Little black things they are, which grow when you put your fingers...

Sugar and Spice and all things nice (16 March 2008)

For those of you who heard Steve Allen go on about my blood sugar level,let me tell you that the idea of taking drugs is beyond the pale. I have taken myself in hand and cut out every bit of...

luna eclipse (21 February 2008)

Oh! the last three days have been a nightmare. What with the Lunar eclipse, blood sugar levels and tears from the young women in my life to cap it all my telephone went down, the computer stopped working so I've...

30 syllables (15 February 2008)

Oh what a beautiful morning. Oh what a beautiful day. I've had a funny old eeeevnin! I need to just hit the hay! night night...

Ivory Glowerers (13 February 2008)

And so the days turn into night and the heron stands on one leg. Not haiku poetry, or a portent but the reality of my life. I get up. I meditate. I run. I wash. I drive. I talk for...

Ready Steady Poe (12 February 2008)

Well what a to-do! The 239 is changing to the 170, I'm all at 6's and 7's. Jim has just dismounted from the 6.30 239/170, he called me from the bus stop to tell me not to be alarmed but...

Ah! Fresh bed Lenin (11 February 2008)

It's nearly midnight and I have done as much today as a crofter in Orkney does in a week - not that I would know what a crofter does -i'm being metaphorical or is it physical? Anyway after an interminable...

weekenders ( 4 February 2008)

Having a whole weekend with the old man, and not having to think about writing anything, or reading anything, was like going away for a month to the Maldives with only a sarong on my mind. We slept in, we...

THE LANE (24 January 2008)

Thank you for your well wishes. I am back tomorrow. I've rested up today because I had to go to the launch of THE LANE, Collin Browns new restaurant in Osbourne Street. It was a real swanky affair. My head...

Post Boat Spin (23 January 2008)

Spurs win 5-1 and I've taken to my bed. I awoke this morning with post-boat spin, nausea. I felt like I was going to die. Jim Davies is 'me' for a day, I hope I'm up for it tomorrow. Jackson...

To Dare Is To Do (22 January 2008)

Each day presents a new problem. Working at the PC, the boss walks through, and I get like a kid in the 5th form, waiting to be tapped on the shoulder to be told I'm naughty and I've done it...

The Primmies are up (19 January 2008)

Yesterdays show was as different from 'Breaking News' as building a snowman is from whizzing down the Cresta Run. We covered Public Displays of Affection, marriage, education, ageism and litter. I talked my lips off. Today I had my new...

The Last Sunday But One (13 January 2008)

I had it all planned out. I was going to Jim's penultimate perf. of the panto then drive home and write me blog. But my car got broken into. I cried more tears than the crocodile, but was comforted by...

Assaulted Batteries ( 6 January 2008)

This morning I made scrambled eggs, the Bill Grainger way, with loads of butter and cream. Hot bagels, smoked salmon and the freshest coffee you've ever tasted. 1 baby,1 mother, 1 father, 1 grandpa and 1 wicked step mother sat...

RSVP ( 6 January 2008)

It's fifteen minutes past the midnight hour. I'm waiting up to sing Happy Birthday to my girlfriend in New York. Pammie is sitting down, with 15 friends, at 7pm in Brooklyn. I should have been at the table but this...

The Eve of Christmas (24 December 2007)

Dear, dear all, The turkey's sitting on the draining board. The fridge broke. The hob stopped working. The washing machine is kaput. The fan belt on my little red car has gone all limp on me. Jim got nicked for...

Buzz Balls (23 December 2007)

The last Sunday before Christmas. On LBC we talked food around the world. We talked puddings and sweets and whale blubber. MARIA ELIA came in and told of life on a yacht and how to make turkey in a bag....

Winter Wonderland - rewrite (22 December 2007)

Sleigh bells ring, can you here 'em? In the bath and the bedroom, They sing ding-a-long. A merry old song. Waiting for a winter wonderland. I'm agog at the spending. Just one day, we'll be spending. Prostate on the couch,...

A Capital day (19 December 2007)

I spent all morning in bed making phone-calls on behalf of others. Then after abluting, transcending, adorning and scent, I climbed into the Jackmobil and headed off to Prospect Pictures. I haven't properly been back there since April, but I'd...

Return to Lender (16 December 2007)

Green fingers? Green food? Green Christmas’? That’s what we talked about on todays show. LUCY SEIGLE terrified the life out of me. Having to remember to shop without plastic, and then put your food into jute, not plastic bags, and...

Saturday Night musings (15 December 2007)

It's 9.15 on Saturday night. After too much Saturday night television I've removed myself from the sitting room. Tomorrow I'm packing up and going to the flat for a week. Sundays show is all about having a GREEN CHRISTMAS. Lucy...

Christmas is coming (15 December 2007)

Ok. Ok. I have been up and down to London. In and out of pain. Under the thumb. Round the houses. Past my best. And over the moon....

Minus 3 (12 December 2007)

Minus 3. Christmas Tree. In the pond till Saturdee. Today I had the fridge man in to mend the fridge. It was the thermostat. I made a cheque but tore it up, just like Chris Tarrant, when I realised that...

Green Christmas (10 December 2007)

Dear All, my ankle hurts, although I know it's really no excuse for bad verse. But here goes any way: I'm dreaming of a green Christmas. Not like the ones I used to know. Where the tree-tops tumble, and children...

An Insult ( 6 December 2007)

Well dear readers, As agony aunt to the less than famous, the indiscreet and the truly damaged, let me draw your attention to young Phils queary. Living in Thailand, as he does, and enduring Siam Suzie, which he does, Philip...

Pantotime ( 5 December 2007)

It's late. OH! NO IT ISN'T. OH! YES IT IS. I've just come back from Jim's first night in 'Mother Goose'. OH! NO YOU HAVEN'T . OH! YES I HAVE. There was so much traffic, and an accident coming back...

Mrs. B's Diary ( 1 December 2007)

I've kept a diary ever since 1981. Each year Jim would buy me a big full-page, A4, lined jobbie, which I would fill religiously with waffle. A different colour each year, so I have a library of red, blue, black,...

miles maketh a matyr (30 November 2007)

77 miles to Hertfordshire. + 77 miles back to Sussex. + 38 miles to Brighton. + 38 miles back to the cottage. + one whole bag of fresh pasta. + one whole head of garlic. + half a tub of...

Le plume de ma taunt (28 November 2007)

Sometimes the only thing to do is go with it. So I filled a bucket with hot water and floor cleaner and scrubbed the kitchen floor. Why I felt like ironing is beyond me, but I did. I then gathered...

I'm not a celebrity keep me in here. (27 November 2007)

I know there are bugs flying around because I've snapped one up. I have had a headache for two days that is so bad I feel like my eyes have been sewn up. I have visited the bathroom more times...

Manners maketh a wo-man (26 November 2007)

Dear bloggers, Thank you for your contribution this week. The Self Sufficiency show came and went. Now you know how hard it is to keep up the momentum. This weeks homework is ETIQUETTE. You, and food and manners. I heard...

It's not over until the fat lady sings (23 November 2007)

My cheeks are cold. I've just taken the old dog out for a run under the crispy brown beech leaves. The chestnuts are rotting, the new crop is sprouting and as I hugged my tree I heard my voice shouting...

one trip forward three trips back (22 November 2007)

I set off for a RAJAR meeting at LBC. Richard Parks was addressing the troops to tell them what he wanted, what he wasn't getting, and what he was expecting. I set off for LBC with at least 3 hours...

Caledonian Bhuddism (21 November 2007)

'What's for ya won't go past ya.' So said Joe's granny. Joe is the second youngest of nine, his dad was a copper and his mum a teacher. Joe is an exceptionally good editor. I met Rob, a brillyant (that's...

I'll take the High Road (18 November 2007)

Dear, dear bloggers. You did it again. I nearly managed to get you all on radio this afternoon. Your stories were really well written and bang on, so thanks. I'm off at 4.00 a.m. tomorrow to fly to Glasgow. I'm...

The Fresh Bean (17 November 2007)

Having been to TOADS to have my hair done, I set off in the drizzle to London Town. The hair stayed in tact. I have to admit to having a stiff neck from trying to keep my head as still...

chicken tikka soup (16 November 2007)

11.45 pm. I made chicken tikka soup. It was very tasty and filling. I am so full of chicken tikka soup that I fell asleep in the chair. I have no idea how much 'Children in Need' need. I couldn't...

Public Announcement (15 November 2007)

Oh Dear, Mrs. Jones, having to nit-pick after hours. Like most creeative poeple I ma extreemely bad at speeeling and grandma. The frost on the lawn, this morning, was a most welcome sight - normal November weather. Hurrah!. The old...

Words of Wisdom (13 November 2007)

After 6 hours sleep it was off to the dentist. This time for the daughter, who amazingly revealed that all of her wisdom teeth had torn through her gums without so much as a yelp. She had absolutely no pain...

Brass Monkey weather (12 November 2007)

Eee by gum but it was fair freezin' today in Sussex. I loved it. The old man and me took the doglet round the houses. By round the houses I mean, down the road, past half a dozen properties and...

Itchy Feet (11 November 2007)

Thank you for blogging. I hope some of you heard me reading you out on LBC tonight. Thank you for calling in. I actually had a conversation with Chrissie from Carcassone about Toulouse sausages and her preferred method of eating...

Godparent party (10 November 2007)

1 mountain of mashed potatoes with celeriac, garlic, butter and cream. + 1 sea of sausages, pork, venison and lamb. + 1 ocean of onions cooked in butter and cream. + 1 prodigious pile of peas in butter. + 1...

Chippolata Party ( 9 November 2007)

I ran, I walked, I conkered. I booked a flight to New York for B. I shopped for sausages. I ordered my turkey. I had coffee with my Homeopath. I made an unctious lamb stew with harrisa paste, one bottle...

back dated news ( 9 November 2007)

I ran, I walked, I conkered. I booked a flight to New York for B. I shopped for sausages. I orderd my turkey. I had coffee with my Homeopath. I made an unctious lamb stew with harrisa paste, one bottle...

From bad to verse. ( 7 November 2007)

Eighteen ducks sitting on the wall. Sitting in a line, then one gave a call. Eighteen ducks flying off the wall. All in a line, one and all. Two fat crows sitting on the wall. Eating biscuits, paper and all....

Tempit Figit ( 6 November 2007)

I took my seat in the Tipper Chair, a big blue bib was secured round my neck and whoosh I was up-ended. The protective glasses were placed over my eyes, the curing light switched on then Mr. W. probed my...

2's company 3's a treat ( 5 November 2007)

On Sunday I pootled around the flat until it was time to go to LBC. The show was all about Fussy eating kids, winter risottos, soups and fireworks. Some callers called, texters texted and Glen e-mailed me from Hamburg. Annabel...

Sausage Tails ( 3 November 2007)

The time as come to make this blog more interactive, so here goes. I took some of my family out to eat. Lunch in a pub. We all had different versions of sausage and mash. This morning on Radio 4's...

Jack's Place ( 2 November 2007)

I ran. I wrote. I really enjoyed me meal with Jim at JACKS. Jack Talkington was a 'pound a round' boxer,he met Jimmy Carter's brother, who worked for the White House security team so now all of Jack's restaurant walls...

If you could see it through my eyes ( 1 November 2007)

It's 12.15. I'm eating Ryvita. Clarence is asleep in his bed. Jim's at home in Sussex. Jackson is on his bed - I'm told. I read an article today by Bruce Fogel the famous vet who's married to Julia whatshername....

Idiot Alert ( 1 November 2007)

Dear lovely bloggers. I have just accidentally deleted all your lovely comments. I am gutted. If you've still got them send them again and I'll publish them. I'm off to see CABARET now, it's their first year birthday, I have...

Pop-ups (31 October 2007)

The sharp air cut through my befuddled head. I meditated, and researched words for the book. So I went and bought washing up liquid and three newspapers from the corner shop. The corner shop is on The Square. Rather than...

Spider Woman (30 October 2007)

The new clock, hanging on the wall in the bedroom, gave me a real feeling of security. Why? I have no idea. But I woke up and it made sense of the day. The light was very bright, the sun...

The Savages (29 October 2007)

I was doing my shopping in Waitrose - ok I know its a supermarket but if I have to stock up then at least Waitrose has a conscience. I was wandering round buying bio-degradable bin bags when my phone went....

Hello Eeen.... (28 October 2007)

Todays LBC was all about Halloween. TONY EDWARDS talked about the history of the Pagan festival from The Celts to now, told us a story, sung us a song, the least I could do was invite him back. Rupert Ponsonby...

Hickory Dickory Dock..... (27 October 2007)

it's 23.03, although for the sake of my body clock it's only 3 minutes past ten. The clocks go back tonight and I'm pleased about that, an extra hour in bed. I have to change the time on the cube...

Picture perfect. (26 October 2007)

The river was up today grey and swirling. My mood was a bit like the river. My printer had broken down and so had my patience. I had a shower, got dressed then Jim and I bussed it into Piccadilly....

From Beer to BAFTA (26 October 2007)

Sometimes my days are so full I forget myself. Today was such a day. It started out with a blitz of the flat, a call on the phone, a write of the diary, a call on the phone, a meditate,...

Mr. & Mrs. B's Night Up West. (24 October 2007)

Mr.& Mrs.B. go out for a date. They spend £100 on tickets to go to the theatre in the West End. Its a very nice theatre with lots of famous people in the audience and a cast of exemplary actors....

A day in the life of a superstar........ (24 October 2007)

Hooveringironingwashing shoppingcookingsweeping shoutinglaughingcrying writingthinkingscreaming walkingdrivingrunning scrubbingdustingsweeping talkinglisteningwatching fightingcleaningweeping packingloadingspending moaningyawningsweeping moppingscrubbingeating bathingreadingsleeping zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Goosey Goosey Gander (23 October 2007)

Today Jackson was 13 years of age. Jim and I sang him Happy Birthday. He 'herrumphed' a thank you, a kind of breathy neigh. I called up B, she shouted out Happy Birthday - he barked his thanks. I called...

Chicken Soup and Pate (21 October 2007)

21.46 of a Sunday. It 's cold round the ankles and the moon is half full. The first chicken soup of the season is bubbling away on the back burner; me knaidlach, (matzo-meal dumplings) have risen to the surface nicely...

Pensive Ponderings (19 October 2007)

What a funny time this is. The BBC slashing so many jobs. Perer Fincham resigning. ITV being accused of fraud. Im working in an industry which is tearing itself apart. Fewer and fewer people are able to find work, more...

Mercury Makes You Mad (17 October 2007)

The last four days have been dominated by technological breakdown, resulting in personal 'meltdown'. I know that when Mercury, the planet of communicaton, goes retrograde, things can get a little tricky but the postal strike, internet failure, computer crashing, email...

Other people eat to live...... (13 October 2007)

'The Frieze Art Fair' in Regents Park, was full of arty collectors, rich gallery owners, Richard E Grant and poseurs. Some of the work was good; I particulalry liked Evan Penny's bald man and Pam Ferris lookalike. They hung on...

The Plimsoll Line (12 October 2007)

Jim and I took Jackson for a walk. We met a little Staffordshire terrior who was 16, three pugs who were not, a woman from Halifax, a lady from Leeds and a ream of runners. Then when we got to...

Pearl before swine (10 October 2007)

We have a shed in our garden, it's called 'Le Shed'. One half is my writing shrine the other is where music gets written. Jim has a shed, it's called 'His Shed'. We have another shed in the garden full...

MSU ( 9 October 2007)

Dear Colin, me YAK?! I've never yakked in my life - talked the hind legs off a donkey, now that's different. And dear Janey B, if it ain't the foxes running amok it's the geese that are giving you goose...

lov letters ( 9 October 2007)

Tonight we went and had a meal in a Nepalese Restaurant. The owners name is LOV. Lov is a luv. night night....

It's all lunacy ( 7 October 2007)

Dear Anne, you are absolutely right. The Great Storm was 20 years ago. I should know that because the kid is now 20. I should also know that because I am twenty years older, over the hill and away with...

Community Spirit. ( 6 October 2007)

I can hear the fireworks from Rotherfield Carnival. You can see the purple, red orange and white sparkles way up in the sky. Back in the Great Storm of 1987 the spire of Rotherfield Church went through the roof. You...

These Feet Are Made For Walking ( 5 October 2007)

Jackson and I walked very slowly round the houses this morning. It was a sharp, crisp day. Felt like Sweden tinged with Connecticut. Bulbous blackberries hung in clusters, but I left them alone - in October they belong to the...

She's scored a Haptic! ( 3 October 2007)

Autumn in the cottage has to be seen to be believed. Johnathan's Virginia Creeper is the colour of bergundy wine. The Beech trees are alternately brown and copper, the Michaelmass daisies are out and the smell of fungi pushing through...

Non, je ne regrette rien. ( 2 October 2007)

I dont see the point in having regrets. What is done is done. If I had given any energy to the numerous events that have happened in my life, which in the cold light of day make even me blush,...

On the Last Day of September (30 September 2007)

It now smells of autumn, a fusty, musty earthy aroma which surrounds the cottage at this time of year. I'm waiting for the mushrooms to appear. We have shaggy ink caps round the back of us, puff balls at the...

Delfina (29 September 2007)

For five years Maria Elia came onto Good Food Live. She fused and combined all sorts of crazy ingredients; served up everything from prawn and watermelon curry to artichoke ice-cream; turned our heads with her humour and perspicacity and impressed...

5768 (25 September 2007)

Happy New Year. It is now, according to the Jewish calender, Five Thousand Seven Hundred and Sixty Eight. The year, 5768, is calculated by adding up the ages of certain people in the Bible back to the time of Creation....

Afternoon Tea-vee (20 September 2007)

September 2007 is nearly over and along with millions of others I'm SAD. We've not even had an Indian summer to speak of. I'm afraid you find me watching telly on a Thursday afternoon as the charcoal grey clouds over...

Pinky and Perksy (17 September 2007)

There are definite advantages to doing a foodie programme. The organic box company sent me a box of organic fruit and a bag of organic potatoes. I unpacked them, gave two punnets of pink strawberries, 6 peaches and a kettle...

Do you want to know a secret? (12 September 2007)

Listen,ooh ooh ooh, Do you want to know a secret?, ooh ooh ooo. Do you promise not to tell whoawhoaeeeh....well that wasn't an option for Dr.John DeMartini who was diagnosed with learning disabilities when he was 7. At 14 he...

It's still SEPTEMBER (11 September 2007)

Dear Nit pickers, yes of course I meant to write September not December on my last blog, but the way the time is going it might just as well be Christmas. The weekend has been absolutely manic, none of my...

Art for Arts Sake ( 7 September 2007)

I couldn't get back to sleep after I heard the sound of running water, it was, in fact, Jim pressing an indigestion table out of it's silvery tray - too much Bordeaux last night - it was 5.30 and since...

My Home is my Saucepan ( 4 September 2007)

The sun did not wake me this morning, the alarm did. I want so badly to like him but John Humphries really irritates me. He argues just for the sake of arguing so at 7.00 when Radio 4 came on...

September ( 3 September 2007)

It's only 9.o'clock but it's as black as Newgates Knocker outside. I've had to turn up the heating, put on a grey fleece, close the windows and drink a mug of something warm. It's 14 and a bit weeks until...

A Moth in my Pocket (30 August 2007)

I walked over Battersea bridge today smiling. Two reasons, the first being that my face in repose, with its down-turned mouth, has the look of a depressed camel - ever since I saw myself in a shop window and wondered...

The world's my oyster (24 August 2007)

I didn't have a lot of sleep, owing to the old man's birthday bash last night. But I was called this morning, at 8.24 precisely, by Radio Kent for my opinions on whether women were happier and more content than...

Birthday bash (23 August 2007)

Having Jackson in the flat is a real alarm call. I wake at 7.00 (although this morning it was 8.00) and walk down the hall into the living room. Jackson has taken up residence under the table, next to the...

Lookalikes (21 August 2007)

It's 8 minutes off 5 0'clock. I have finally managed to get myself back into some kind of health and fitness regime. NINA ANDERSON, my lovely personal trainer has waited patiently for me to turn a corner, and by that...

Rien ne Change ci rien ne change (16 August 2007)

I have had many hairdressers in my time. Back in 1962 my father took me to a salon in Dunstable as a treat. I think it was called 'Curl up and Dye'. I came out looking like a very bad...

Sunday the 12th of Never (12 August 2007)

It's 12.14pm on Sunday the 12th of Never. Jim is on his hands and knees screwing screws out of one drawer so that he can put another drawer where the old one came from so that the first drawer goes...

Flat white ( 8 August 2007)

Soho is one of my favourite places in London. Berwick Street market has been around ever since I started dieting. I once got a job in Harley Street to pay for my habit - I sorted files so that I...

7.8.7. ( 7 August 2007)

Well, what a time its been. The inside of my head has felt like the inside of a kettle that's all furred up and hasn't got one of those funny metal jobbies you put in to collect up the limescale....

Who'd have thought it? ( 1 August 2007)

The first day of August and it was warm and sunny. I ate blackberries and porridge at the kitchen table with a shaft of sunshine lighting up my oats. Then I put on a bikini. Don't panic - this is...

Oxymoron ( 1 August 2007)

An oxymoron is a combination of contrary ideas, a phrase seemingly absurd but really significant like 'in this shrill hush of quietude' or 'proud humility', which perfectly describes my moronic behaviour at the moment. The comments on this blog do...

FullMoonday (30 July 2007)

Well I don't know about you, but I feel as nutty as a fruit cake. But then they say that happens with the full moon, don't they? Whoever those they are. The Moon is staring at me through the window....

What d'ya wanna make those eyes at me for? (26 July 2007)

I had to get dressed today as I had an appointment at the opticians. I put on a pair of trousers that were loose enough to pull down when I needed to without having to undo the button or zip....

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I'll love ya tomorrow (25 July 2007)

Finding a structure is the thing. I'm told not to go to bed too late. But being on my own without a structure means I dribble around, reading, writing, telly-grazing and end up going to bed in the wee small...

Here comes the sun (24 July 2007)

I got complacent and didn't take Jackson out late last night. I opened the door and followed the trail of his widdle. Then we went for a brisk walk. I had on a t-shirt, fleece and my pyjama trousers. Half...

It's another Saturday Night and I ain't got nobody... (21 July 2007)

It's 9.30pm. Jimbo is down stairs re-writing his Punch and Judy part for the Globe. He has just sent £30 off to Prof. Doc. Jingles or Jangles, a man who lives in Norfolk. The Prof sent him two 'swazzles' so...

The day that the rains came down (20 July 2007)

Last night the sound of the rain on the red plastic table cover in the front garden lulled me to sleep. It was noisy and rhythmic. When I woke at 7.00 this morning the rain was still tumbling out of...

Is it that time already...? (17 July 2007)

16.26 and all I have done is drive and sit, wait and drive, sit and wait, sit and drive. Somehow I am managing to meditate every morning, but that's about the only constant at the moment. I am reading the...

Moanday (16 July 2007)

Rum time I say! What with the weather and all. I don't know what day it is. I made a list of all the topics I wanted to talk about but lost the list. The weekend was so short. I...

Travellers Tales (10 July 2007)

Jim shouted 'I said get me up at 7.30', but I thought he said 8.00 so the pair of us were running around like blue-arsed flies this morning. He managed to get out in ten minutes. Off to the dentist,...

7/7/7 ( 6 July 2007)

I don't know how to post a picture of me. I'm sure somebody will tell me after this entry. I'm now being invited by 'friends' to go on Facebook, but I'm completely in the dark as to what I have...

Sleepless in See-Sussex ( 5 July 2007)

Whenever my girlfriends come to stay, I burn the candles at both end. I have my cake and eat it, whilst biting off more than I can chew. All in all, I am clinched out, cream crackered and so full...

The postman always rings twice ( 3 July 2007)

Well, just as I said, the postman arrived and I signed for BB's 'Love Box Weekend' tickets. My, that sounds like a good day out, especially with the weather we are having. It snowed in Battersea this evening... The postman...

JaTuzzdi ( 3 July 2007)

There is an awful lot to do in the country. So far today I have juiced a whole pineapple and a massive papaya, taken the dog to the field and waited for him to widdle in the wet grass, sorted...

Sungrey (24 June 2007)

Blimey, 'what a grey day', to quote Larry Grayson. The rain has been constant since I awoke this morning. Not that it really mattered since I had no pressing external commitments so I've been in my Marks and Sparks pj's...

Shrek in Chelsea (23 June 2007)

To Jill, I know it's hard to find work when you're sixteen. My twillage employs all the young folk in three supermakets and, of course, I don't approve. But I am not so naive as to think that all the...

The Long-er day (22 June 2007)

Somehow I missed the moment yesterday. My timetable is 'f''cocked' - trying to fit everything in is almost impossible. How I ever managed to run my life whilst doing GFL is beyond me. When I am in town next week,...

Morris Barnett's trainers (20 June 2007)

When I was on GFL, Simon Rimmer and I used to talk about running. He's been pounding the turf for years, whilst I started two years ago. Since I've been back from America, what with all the changes, my knee...

Day trip (19 June 2007)

It has been such a weird week. So full of this and that, I've hardly had a moment to reflect. But I feel really unbalanced not writing, so, even though my eyes are propped open with matchsticks, here goes. It's...

Publish and be Damned (15 June 2007)

On my drive up to London I listened to the 'The Maltby Collection' by David Nobbs on Radio 4. The double-barreled good looker from 'Green Wing' was in it, as was Richard Palmer. It was funny and so well written...

Transmutation (14 June 2007)

I took Jackson for a walk in the Hollies. We drove over the cattle grid, parked the car and gingerly walked past half a dozen very big bulls chewing the cud. The weather was balmy. When we got to the...

The last apprentice (13 June 2007)

Look, there's no beating about the bush today. The final of 'The Apprentice' with Alan Sugar is on at 9.00 and I have to make myself a salad and stop crying. No, I have not turned into a sniveling feeble...

Press night shambles (12 June 2007)

Tonight I was going to the Globe to see the 'Merchant of Venice.' My husband got two complimentary tickets for the seated area. No groundling scamble for me, darlings. It was the Press night. Performances are always better when there...

A Day at Drusilla's (12 June 2007)

The computer read out said 00.00 when I started. No time like the present eh? Although I always find 00.00 a strange 'moment' in time. It's as if for 60 seconds we just don't exist. In my haste to write...

Midnight and beyond ( 9 June 2007)

It's just gone Jools Holland. I fell asleep in the chair, having driven more miles today than a rally driver in Monaco. Jim is in the flat, BB is in the attic, and I am on my last legs. Don't...

6-6-7 ( 6 June 2007)

I wish I had blogged yesterday because it was 5-6-7. Don't you love that kind of cosmic joke? Like looking at the clock and it saying 12.34, or it being 7.7.7, which it will be next month? Anyway, I missed...

Monday, June already ( 4 June 2007)

There has been so much to do, and so little time to do it, I can hardly remember the peace of the wheatgrass farm. I made notes so that I wouldn't forget anything but I always doodle backwards, mirror writing...

St. Albans (30 May 2007)

St. Albans in Hertfordshire is one of my most favourite places on Earth. It has such lovely memories for me. When I was studying the piano I would be taken on the 358 bus, past three mental hospitals and a...

Chewsday (29 May 2007)

Every morning I have to remember to chew my food 30 times. That's okay if you're eating a jolly nice piece of succulent lambikin but when it comes to a bit of sprout, it does get just a tad boring....

Bank Holiday Sunlessday (28 May 2007)

Bank Holiday Sunlessday. I have had to wear a thick fleecy blue sweater, Jim's black anorak, thick sweat pants and my new trainers to keep out the wind and the cold. Everybody is sneezing. The roads are waterlogged and the...

Wet and damp in Sussex (27 May 2007)

The weather men were right. California is meant to be sunny - and it was mostly. England is meant to be grey and wet with an overcast of depressing gloom - and it is mostly. We haven't even taken Jackson...

Home at last (22 May 2007)

Hello, I am back. It's Wednesday today. At least, I think it is. My body clock is telling me it's not the day I think it is. But an acupuncture needle in the right spot should do the trick. The...

Bliss city (13 May 2007)

Hello, you lot. Darling Rod, my swarthy flight attendant, I am flying back on Sunday 20th, the evening flight. Cancel all your plans. I need you to see the new me. Now, thank heavens I can fit into one seat....

San Diego days and nights ( 7 May 2007)

Well, as I slurp yet another green juice, you are all safely tucked up in your beds. It's 5.40 Pacific time which makes it nearly 3.00a.m. so if you are an insomniac, Good Morning. The drive down to San Diego...

Venice beach (29 April 2007)

Alex Baldwin is on the telly talking about parental alienation. Sybil the soothsayer is having a lie down. Maggie, my hostess, is in the kitchen and the last remnants of the gecko have been retrieved from behind the armchair. Sam...

Hollywood (28 April 2007)

Well, finally I am able to get into the site. It has taken three days and countless long distance phone calls and emails, but I think we are there. Here's hoping. It's 10.10am my time, 6pm your time. I'm forever...

The night before the morning after. (25 April 2007)

Well, just how quickly does it come round? One minute you're booking the tickets on e-mail and wondering whether it really is too much money to be spending on three weeks away in a ridiculous clinic in the desert, being...

Pack up your troubles (24 April 2007)

Well, it comes to a pretty pass when your husband marks your spelling in front of the Nation. That deffinattelee is not the done thing, Jim! Dear brighton Beau, forgive my assumptions, and for God's sake, Crawford, lay off the...

Tuesday, the dustbin day (24 April 2007)

Ah! Marmite girl, marmite girl, you are as rare as seawater pearl.The big apple eh? You are nothing but a gad about girl. Darling Maria Elia - if you don't go to her restaurant in Borough Market you don't deserve...

The Bard's birthday (23 April 2007)

I've had my fix of 'Corrie' and eaten last night's left overs. I've talked with Jim, who's in the flat, and written up a treatment for a new show so now it's time to reflect on Sunday and today. I...

Just about Saturday (21 April 2007)

I know it's late but BB called and asked me if I was tired. When I said no, and I should have seen it coming, she asked me to collect her from her University halls so she could finish her...

Mow that lawn (20 April 2007)

To all of you wonderful people in Australia, I can't tell you what it means to have your sunshine on my blog. Thank you so much for bothering to write to me. And to you, Dear Marmite Girl, my ulcers...

Buggered from Brugger (19 April 2007)

I am back. It's 23.02 English time. Out there in Belgium it would be 00.02. All them noughts. And yes, it was me in Brugger. I know we say Brughe, but they don't. Lovely to hear from Cutesy, my wonderful...

Friday 13th (13 April 2007)

Right, first things first. Thank you for the cat pee suggestions. Especially Vinegar John in Shotts. Jim said he thought of it first, and told me to pour vinegar on it last week. I don't think he did but then...

Wild garlic (12 April 2007)

The weather was so fresh. The old geezer and I went for a walk. Jackson on the lead. Over the main road. In through the gate and there's the orchard. The trees are budding quite late so there is no...

India can wait (11 April 2007)

What's the worst I can do? Lie. Well, it wasn't exactly a lie. Somewhere deep inside my addled brain I really thought I would go to India but here's what happened. For three nights I haven't slept. I'm not saying...

Courage mon brave (10 April 2007)

Okay, Good Food Live has finally been confined to the media dustbin. After five years of eating, laughing, interviewing, drinking, posing, munching, crying, learning, the new powers that be decided to take us off air. The set got cruddier, you...