The right tool for the job.

Posted by Jeni in Ad Infinitum | 27 February 2012

I went into Homebase.

A free-standing-shelf-unit was under offer at half price, just the thing for B's new flat.

The display model required dismantling before we could take it home.

'HOMEBASE' is a DIY emporium.

'Could it be dismantled'. Jim asked of a very tall 'Homebase' employee, pointing to the free-standing-shelf-unit in the middle of the store.

'NO' she said. You can see by the capital letters that she meant business.

I went to another 'Homebase' employee. A young man with bad skin and attitude to match.

'Could we dismantle the free-standing-shelf-unit so we could take it home?' I asked pleasantly.

'NO' he said. You can see from the capital letters that he meant business too.

'Why?' I enquired politely

'Because it needs an alum key.' He said plainly.

'You are 'HOMEBASE' a 'DIY' emporium.' I said curtly. 'Do you not have any alum keys in this huge shop of yours?.

'Yes we do' said the jobsworth 'But they are all in packets'.

'Is it within your remit to open a packet so we can dismantle the half-priced-free-standing-shelf-unit so that we can take it home with us'. I hissed.

'We sell the shelves for 60 in a flat-pack-box.' he said unhelpfully.

'The whole point is to buy this shelving-unit at half its price.' I said. I noticed I had a weird smirk on my face.

'If you want the half-price display model then you CAN take it'. He repeated.

'Would you dismantle it for me then?' I smiled assertively.

'NO' he said flatly. 'We would have to ask the manager.' His poor skin was turning crimson.

'Get me the manager.' I said sweetly.

'Can't.' He said.

'Why?' I was incredulous.

'The manager is away.' He clipped.

'For how long?' I enquired 'This year, next year, sometime, never?'

I walked away.

The half-price-free-standing-shelf-unit was still standing solo until this afternoon when Gods Gift turned up with his own alum key to do the job that could have been done this morning.

'Can we dismantle this half-price-free-standing-shelf-unit? asked my patient husband.

'YOU can dismantle it.' said the pasty faced supervisor. Who disappeared only to reappear by return of Jim's screw.

'YOU can dismantle it but 'Health and Safety' have said you have to understand that if you damage yourself its your responsibility and nothing to do with 'HOMEBASE'.'

The 'oosbind dismantled the half-price-free-standing-shelf-unit, unharmed, loaded it into the car and drove off into the sunset, leaving behind the tall woman, the pasty faced supervisor and the jobsworth.

'HOMEBASE' is full of tools for DIY it is also full of tools.

Jeni Barnett tells of her scrumptious time at Good Food Live in her first audiobook! Download NOW from iTunes


1. At February 27, 2012 9:49 PM carol wrote:

Had a similar problem in sainsbury supermarket, seems they have a serious customer service problem. Glad you werent defeated Jeni!

2. At February 28, 2012 10:27 AM Lindy Fleetwood wrote:

Ohhh well done Jim !! xxhugxx

3. At February 28, 2012 12:06 PM 'L' wrote:

Hi 'one n one i',
Thanks for a wonderful week of your 'delicious' voice.
I too was in Homebase yesterday looking for door handles when a saleslady tried to flog me their credit card. I showed her my overstuffed wallet and offered her some of my cards instead. Who needs more credit!
By the way, being in the building trade, I can correct your attempt at spelling the tool u needed! It's not an 'alum' key, it's an 'allen' key! I think it was invented by a guy called Allen. But then again, I wouldn't know how to spell all the brands of lipstick in your vanity drawer!
Hope your mum is well.
Love 'L'

4. At March 6, 2012 8:40 PM Steve Campen wrote:

Mmm there might be a link between your experience and this news story I think:

5. At March 8, 2012 5:39 PM Onie Mcclurg wrote:

Thanks for the update on "The right tool for the job. [Jeni Barnett]". Best Regards - Onie Mcclurg

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