The Oddfather....

Posted by Jeni in LBC | 14 April 2008

I needed to fit so much in so I started at 5.30 a.m.

Firstly I listened to my visualisation tape about diabetes. Knock it on the head John is what I say.

6.00 a.m.

Then I listened to the affirmations on side two, doesn't matter how many times I listen to it I cant seem to remember the sentences - they are only short for goodness sake.

6.30 a.m.

Flew downstairs and made my smoothie. Pineapple, blueberries, flax oil, linseeds, almonds (5) walnuts (5) brazil nuts (2). Lecithin, spirulina, moca, B1, Lipoic acid, and zinc.

7.00 a.m.

I used a long sundae spoon to scrape off all the bits on the side of the beaker. I do tend to drip the green gunge everywhere and my mouth ends up looking like I've fallen face down in a lake in Hawaii.

Fed the cat.

7.15 a.m.

A quick wash.

7.30 a.m.

Quick load of all my bags, the ones I take from London to Sussex, from Sussex to London, books and bits, ingredients and shoes..

Kissed the Northerner. Tickled the dog

Out the cottage at 7.45 and off to TWells for my dental appointment at 8.15.

Only when I got there Patty P. and Colleague were very happy to see me but tutted because I had been booked in on Friday.

'Can't be.' I said, with that loaded you-made-the-mistake-and-whatever-you-say-I-aint-budging kind of inflection.

'Can't be' I'll show you my diary...'

'Here it is.' said Colleague stabbing at the appointment book with a sharp pencil.

'I'll show you my diary.' I said turning to get the evidence from the car.

It was almost a 'you show me yours and I'll show you mine' kind of confrontation.

'Look' I countered, 'It cant have been Friday because I work on Friday, I'm in London till Friday night, I dont get back here until...' well you know the rest.

Patty took control of the situation, she could see the foam forming in the corners of my mouth. Patti P whispered. 'The hygenist dosen't work on a Friday, we know who made the error.' The Colleague, nodded knowingly as she rubbed out my appoinment with the rubber at the end of her sharp pencil. I wouldn't like to be on the wrong end of her 2B

But Patty hummed and hahed, made a little dash up stairs and when she returned all was sorted. A floss is as good as a wink to a dental secretary, so without further ado I was invited up stairs to make myself comfortable in the vinyl chairs that sound like the sitter has an acute case of flatulence, and all being well Simon would see me as soon as he had taken his hand out of Mr.Nobles gob.

I settled myself down, the chair farted, I picked up a copy of SAGA magazine and studied the air-brushed picture of Helen Mirren, before I got to her bat wings Simon was ready for me.

All teeth in perfect working order but since the hygenist couldn't fit me in Simon did a bit of a scrape and a brush and off I went my mouth in tact.

I arrived at the flat in time to unload my books and bits, ingredients and shoes, and then set off to the studio.

It was dead quiet on the roads, so we braced ourselves for a quiet show, but in the event you lot were spiffing.

Jim and I went off to collect a scooter for the grand child (Maia) which the middle daughter (Zoe) bought on ebay....For an extra few quid she could have had a brand new one, but hey, she's the mum. I asked Jim to bring up my fancy outfit + shoes, from the country for a do I'm hosting on Monday. He arrived at the flat with everything except the shoes. If an elephant were parked 3inches from his nose he wouldn't see it. So I called the eldest daugter (Hanna) who is baby-sitting the dog (Jackson) and asked her to look. Three minutes later, the phone rung, Hanna had found them instantly... So the deal is that when Gae arrives tomorrow to baby-sit Jackson, Hanna drives to Brighton to baby-sit Maia and hands over the shoes to Zoe who is driving up to London to see her father act at the Arcola and unless Zoe hands over my black suede stillettos the scooter stays in the boot of the car. I've found that Mafiosa-type threats work well with all three daughters.

Its now 20 minutes to Corrie.

The roomies are out, the husband is acting, I've written my blog and I've got a big bowl of green salad waiting to be eaten.

so its goodbye from me and goodbye from them.

tarra till 2morrer.

Jeni Barnett tells of her scrumptious time at Good Food Live in her first audiobook! Download NOW from iTunes

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