August 2007

A Moth in my Pocket (30 August 2007)

I walked over Battersea bridge today smiling. Two reasons, the first being that my face in repose, with its down-turned mouth, has the look of a depressed camel - ever since I saw myself in a shop window and wondered...

The world's my oyster (24 August 2007)

I didn't have a lot of sleep, owing to the old man's birthday bash last night. But I was called this morning, at 8.24 precisely, by Radio Kent for my opinions on whether women were happier and more content than...

Birthday bash (23 August 2007)

Having Jackson in the flat is a real alarm call. I wake at 7.00 (although this morning it was 8.00) and walk down the hall into the living room. Jackson has taken up residence under the table, next to the...

Lookalikes (21 August 2007)

It's 8 minutes off 5 0'clock. I have finally managed to get myself back into some kind of health and fitness regime. NINA ANDERSON, my lovely personal trainer has waited patiently for me to turn a corner, and by that...

Rien ne Change ci rien ne change (16 August 2007)

I have had many hairdressers in my time. Back in 1962 my father took me to a salon in Dunstable as a treat. I think it was called 'Curl up and Dye'. I came out looking like a very bad...

Sunday the 12th of Never (12 August 2007)

It's 12.14pm on Sunday the 12th of Never. Jim is on his hands and knees screwing screws out of one drawer so that he can put another drawer where the old one came from so that the first drawer goes...

Flat white ( 8 August 2007)

Soho is one of my favourite places in London. Berwick Street market has been around ever since I started dieting. I once got a job in Harley Street to pay for my habit - I sorted files so that I...

7.8.7. ( 7 August 2007)

Well, what a time its been. The inside of my head has felt like the inside of a kettle that's all furred up and hasn't got one of those funny metal jobbies you put in to collect up the limescale....

Who'd have thought it? ( 1 August 2007)

The first day of August and it was warm and sunny. I ate blackberries and porridge at the kitchen table with a shaft of sunshine lighting up my oats. Then I put on a bikini. Don't panic - this is...

Oxymoron ( 1 August 2007)

An oxymoron is a combination of contrary ideas, a phrase seemingly absurd but really significant like 'in this shrill hush of quietude' or 'proud humility', which perfectly describes my moronic behaviour at the moment. The comments on this blog do...

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